Strong words, painful poem - your not alone if you are in pain and regretting it...

I wrote this poem in the first week after my abortion. I wanted to share it so others can see what acute pain it left me in. I know some feel differently and everyones response and outcome is different, but if your heart says you want it, dont let your head talk you out of it like I let mine....Please dont read if your currently upset over a recent abortion. I dont want to make you feel worse or as bad as I did.

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The shame

Look at me, this is what I have done
But dont give me sympathy for I deserve none
See the shame in my eyes and the fear when reality strikes and all becomes clear and the dreaded truth of what I have done

The pain my decsion has caused ripples on
How can I put right all I have done wrong?

Then my own pain too I have to contend, for it is deep and cuts into my womanly core
Against all instincts the act is so vulgar
To take you away proved to be the wrong contender

So dish me this pain devil as I deserve all that comes
for such a selfish act that I have done
Punish me and give me this pain and guilt
until you see me left an empty shell that deserves one last kick

Then kick me over the edge that you see
and make sure I dont rise and be allowed to grieve

Let me be a lesson for all to see, to show the girls of the reality
that this brutal route can take
and the form of hell that it can shape.

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On a good note -
Its now been nearly 2 months and the pain isnt raw as it as was then. It still hurts and I have lots of dreams, good and bad about my baby but I have recognised that I cant just push these feelings away, I have to deal with them, so I am starting the careconfidentials 10 week 'Journey' program next week. I will keep you posted on my progress.....Help is out there, just ask for it.........xxx

No more pain

Hi i can relate to your poem thats exactly how i feel, I had a termination 3 wks ago at the time of me knowing that i was pregnant I was I shocked i have 3 children already and ive said my youngest would be just that my youngest, but from i knew i was pregnant my mind was just set on havin a termination i didnt even think it through i just wanted to have 1 my partner didnt want anymore so to me it was set on having one iti had the termination a week later i went private but from the 1st day that i had it done my emotions and feelings just kicked in i had changed i felt so confused angry regret depressed and couldnt stop crying cant sleep at night and how im a murderer and i also hated my partner who is now my ex! i couldnt believe this was happening to me i wanted the termination but now i wished i hadnt i done all the things u done looking at how they perform the procedure its so vulgar and i cant stop thinking how i put my baby though all that pain i was so selfish only thinking about myself right now i do hate myself and it hurts because i cant change that or turn back the clock ive also started counselling i need to get past this but its hard im also grieving for my baby oh how im so hurt and i hate myself for allowing myself to go through with the procedure but god has forgiven us we will get past this it is hard i know i feel it every day but we will get past this it may take a long time.Like I know when next year comes around the time i conceived which i know the date and when the baby would of been born will be so hard for me but im just takin each day at a time thats all we an do and with the counselling we should get some healing but try to talk to a close friend dont just bottle everything up talking helps bye for now wishing you the best xx

Holding on to reach your future

Hi Foxy257
I have been where you are and encourage you to keep going, the journey to freedom is long and winding up and down, and down and up, and round and round. There are many times when you want to give up and I encourage you to stay true to yourself. Many will abandon you and tell you to put it behind you and forget about your baby, however grieving is the healthy way to enter your future. God forgives us bit at a time, I guess when we are ready to accept it.
Did you give your baby a name?
All the best and I'll be thinking of you Casey