Secret abortion

I'm 10weeks pregnant. My partner is so excited. His family and my family are excited. Booked in with the midwife and am awaiting 12week scan. I am so not happy. I already have kids and i really dont want more. My youngest is gonna start school soon and i was so looking forward to having my life back and going to work to give my kids the best i can. I want an abortion. He'd be devestated. I'm thinking of having one then telling him and the midwife that i miscarried. Cos its my body my life my choice right? If he doesn't know bout the abortion it wont hurt him and if i can live with it on my concience then is there any reason why i cant do this? I know i sound a complete ... but i'm sorry - my children's lives and feelings r more important than his.

Hello

I understand that this must be really hard for you, but the worst thing you can do is lie to your partner. It will play on your concience when you see how devastated he is that you lost the pregnancy. If you feel that keeping the pregnancy would be bad for your kids then the best thing you can do is talk to your partner about an abortion. If you explain to him first how you feel about the pregnancy and about what it would do to the children without using the word "abortion" straight away it might seem less severe to him. His reaction to you talking to him about it would be far less drastic than him finding out about it later on.
He wants a baby and by having a secret abortion you are demeaning his position as a father. This might not be a baby yet, but it is just as much his as it is yours, and you need to discuss and be open about these things or it will end up tearing you apart.
Everyone who gets pregnant by accident has to face the consequences, whether it is an unwanted baby, angry parents or a traumatic abortion. It would be for the best if you told your partner that you aren't happy, or it could destroy the trust between you.
I hope things work out for you.
xLollyx

Your rights

Hi Heebee1

The kid in your womb is also your kid, and in order to give your kids the best you can, you really have to start with giving them life. Yes it sucks, but the alternative is continuing in a marriage based on one huge deceit. Aborting an lying about it has the potential to be one big marriage breaker, and to give your kids the best, then having their dad under the same roof as their mom is a real bonus.

Your life your body your choice is the kind of propeganda spat out by very angry childless post abortive grey haired women as far as I can see. (yes I am going to pee a lot of people off by saying that). I suppose that in order for you to have the right to abort your child you take away the right of your child to have a life. All injustices in the world boil down to the same principle, unfairly allocating rights to one section of society while taking them away from another. Enough preaching.

Girl, 10 weeks pregnant and sick and knackered is not really the best time for you to be thinking clearly. You sound like you are at the end of your rope, and maybe this pregnancy is the last straw. Try to fix some of the other things that are stressing you out so that you dont blame this pregnancy for everything.

I am sure you are a great mom, but you dont know what damage aborting will do you your own self esteem - and to say it wont hurt your husband, well I guess that is just another lie you will have to tell yourself to feel better. You will be telling yourself lots of lies like this for the rest of your life if you choose abortion for your child.

Sorry if I am being harsh, I know you are under a lot of pressure now, you must feel very trapped. You can still work and put this baby into child care during the day if you think that would help your head. There are many other options, so dont despair.
Take care heebee
Siobhan

What age are you?

Hi Heebee

Have you considered adoption? My sister had her baby adopted and experienced great joy when the girl turned up 18 years later. Try to consider the long view as we do not know the future and cannot tell how this will affect our family until it is done. Keeping secrets is not helpful as it will mean you will have to lie to your nearest and dearest and they always guess the truth. Have you considered having the baby and have someone care for it while you return to work?
Let me know
Casey