Found out this morning i was pregnant; abortion; 23yrs old

The tests were positive, 3 for 3. I've planned that if I ever did get pregnant I would get an abortion, so as soon as I found out, I looked up a clinic and made an appt. The appt is exactly one week away and my mind is already clouded. I'm estimating I am 3-4 weeks into it and I've started to feel nauseated. The more I think about it and read these forums, I'm feeling guilt already, even more that the baby has to grow for another week. The idea that I am nurturing it whenever I eat and drink, really frightens me. I'm not sure if it's the hormones but it's been an emotional day already. What scares me more is reading these post abortion threads about the guilt, anger, and depression. If I feel this way already how bad would it be afterwards.

I haven't told anybody but my bf and of course he thinks it's what is best, as do I. My bf lives in Chicago and I on the east coast. I wish he could be there with me but we're in no financial circumstance to arrange that. So I guess I'm going alone. I don't know what I'm asking or why I wanted to post here. I'm feeling queezy, and feel alone, and I guess I wanted to tell someone. It also makes me so anxious when my mom is around because I'm hiding such a big secret. I almost threw up eating dinner today because I was feeling extremely nauseated. I don't know if I can keep this up for a week.

One question: Should my bf come all that way for the procedure? Is it wrong that he feels it's not completely necessary? He did look up flights and did consider it tho. I just wanted someone with me.

Oh another thing, I've been reading a lot of threads with women who felt more guilt and sorrow from the sonogram image before the procedure. Must I look at it? I feel that it will haunt me as well afterwards.

I guess I did have a few questions. And this post turned out much longer than expected. Thanks for reading Please leave me some insight? support?

Update

I decided to go through with it and the procedure was last Friday. My bf flew over and was with me for the entirety. I was actually relieved after the procedure. And before it, I did see the picture of my baby. I thought it was very neat that it was actually there growing inside of me. I know when my time comes to be a mother, I will probably think about this much more, but right now I'm just feeling relief. I didn't know how much of a burden it was until it was over. The procedure was very quick and for the most part painless. I just had minor cramps. Thank you everyone for your advice, support, and concerns. I definitely don't want to make this decision again so I'll be more responsible

Do your homework

Hi! I'm not here to judge you at all and honestly I hope what iI have to say may help. Abortion IS a very big deal and should not be done without considering what you are actually doing and going to be living with forever. The sooner you do it the better because the simple fact is that it is a life and the longer it lives the more aware it becomes in every sense! Aware of PAIN mostly--abortions past the first trimester are absolutely horrific and disgusting and should be considered murder-I say this because I have done the research and know how they do them all the way from early to late term abortions and once you have reached the second trimester the procedures are absolutely nothing less than horrendous acts of torture and pure evil. Find out all you can about it before you make a choice on what is right for you--I do not think anyone should feel forced to have a child that they do not want, but that decision should be made in a timely fashion so as to cause as little pain and torture to a life who had no say or choice but what it was given. I really hope you make the best choice for yourself because it is a very very big decision that has no return but can be made easier by being informed and honest with yourself about the true facts involved in it. So please if you do have one-do it as soon as possible and in doing so you will spare that life undue and unjust torture that should not be experienced by any living being. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!! I really did write this with the best of intentions only to help not judge and I sincerely do hope my advice was received just as it was meant-informative and sympathetic to all involved.

Best age to have an abortion is...

oh about 92 I would say, if you are 92 you can see how your life pans out and you will be able to see if abortion is helpful for you and your family of your future. As we are not able to have that sort of insight it pays to be cautious, and take it step by step. Please ask and answer these simple questions fully before you make any decisions.
Question one, why is your bf wanting you to have this operation?
Question two, why are you wanting to have this operation?
Let me know your replies as I am very interested in how people make their choices.
Casey

Hang in there

Hello Lilly04051, sorry to hear what you are going through. Hope you will take your time and really think this through. Its easy to make a plan to have an abortion, or do anything in life, when youre not really in the situation, and then when its you its different, isn ... This is not easy for you. (Obviously.)

Its hard to say whether bf should be with you or not. Every relationship is different, but its a tough thing to go through alone. You really might want to consider telling your mother. Do you live with her? What are her views on abortion? Really, regardless of the answers, the fact is that its a terrible secret to have to keep for the rest of your life, if thats your plan.

All your feelings are natural and perfectly normal. Now that its you whos pregnant, you can really sense that there is a life inside you, growing and changing. Most women, not all but the majority, suffer these kinds of feelings when considering abortion and after having one, even if they didnt expect to, because its such an UN-natural thing to do.

Should you look at the ultrasound? Its your decision but even if you dont, Im sure youre seen sonogram images or maybe even movies of unborn babies. If you dont look at your own, you still know in your heart what the picture would look like and what the baby is.

There are counseling facilities available that give you information about all your options including abortion. In the US check out optionline.org. Even if you dont want the counseling these facilities offer, they might be able to tell about options youre unaware of. For example one of them, I think in Virginia, pays all expenses associated with pregnancy and adoption. And if you arent near there, there will be one closer to you with the same or similar services.

Well, my post was longer than I planned too! Best of luck to you no matter what, and let us know how it goes. Peace!

Depression

Hey,

I know this won't make it any easier for you, but I had an abortion back in May. Before I went through with it, I had no problem with the principle of it. But it does go against the most basic human instinct - to look after our young. And it's seriously messed me up. I'll never be the same person as I was before.

If there is any way you could carry the pregnancy to term, your situation with partner may have been sorted. May be a kick up the bum to get him to move closer to you. And if not, if you can't bring the child up, you could consider adoption instead. The guilt of killing my baby is breaking my heart every minute of every day. At least if it was alive, with a family that can't make their own babies you could be comforted knowing that you did the best thing for that child. And maybe even get to know him or her when they grow up. It kills me knowing that nobody will ever know my child. All the friends and family they would have made of their own....

I'm not religious, so I can't believe that my baby is in heaven or anything. Maybe if you can believe that, it'll be easier.

But it is extremely traumatic, your boyfriend should definitely make the trip for emotional support, even if the procudure itself isn't that hard on your body. If you do go through with it, but if you're only a few weeks in maybe you could take an extra couple of weeks to think about it? It's still your baby, whether it's 3 weeks or 6 weeks...

I also think you should tell your mum. Keeping a secret is going to make it even harder on you, and she'll be an important source of emotional support either way.

If you need to chat, you should. Big big hugs, I feel for you so much.

Depression - you can get over it

Jen, sorry to hear what you are still going through. It will take time, maybe a lot of time and a lot of effort, but never say never. Eventually, you will feel good about yourself again and have a happy life. And, rubbish no one will ever know your child. You know him or her. Many women who have had abortions give the baby a name and that helps. And by telling others your experience, and what you are going through now despite being so sure originally, you are helping a lot of people, some you know about and some you don't know about. Maybe you can think of that as keeping the spirit of your baby alive, even if you don't believe in spirits or souls per se. Yes there are more hard times ahead but I really believe you will be ok. Hope this helps...

Im as confused as you!

please dont worry wow thats so easy to say!! im 26 with 2 georgous children recently split form my partner last year we are on great terms i had a one night stand 4 weeks ago and found out las week i ws pregnent i never in my life thought id be arranging a termination but i cant go through with another pregnancy as my two children have their father there any time this baby wouldnt and i dont want to share myself with any more children if that sounds selfish well put usrelf in my shoes but anyway i thought id reply to you as u seem so worried im due a medical termination next wed and have never been so worried in all my life the feeling that u want to ignore ur pregnancy is horrible but if you know that your making the righ descision i dont see what you have got to feel guilty about i dont even know how this is coming across but i hope im helping you!! i have read through a few comments on here and i may be wrong but it seems that people regret it if they arent a hundred percebt sure i think ur doing amazing considering ur boyf is not with i had to tell myhmum im glad i did cos i was a mess now shes helping.your boyf might not understand whats going on in your head right now maybe you should tell him everything you are feeling and a sfor the sickness i prescribe two packets of ginger buiscuts a day its the worst feeling in the world but it will pass good luck with everything stay strong!xxx

Why confused?

Hi stormy99, I think your message will help Lilly and others by providing one perspective. Glad to hear from you.

About your own situation, well a couple things first, theres nothing wrong with not having a father around. I didnt. Lots of people didnt. Wouldn ... be nice if it was always mummy and daddy and cute babies? But it doesnt always work that way. And all kinds of non-traditional families do just fine and are very happy. You said you thought you might sound selfish. Not selfish at all, you want to give your children the best possible life. But getting rid of their little sister or brother might not be the way to do it. Did you love your oldest less when your second was born? Im sure the answer is no. (Or maybe you have twins, but you get the point.) The love of a mother is natural and unlimited.

Why did you say youve never been so worried? What are some of your concerns? You are right that with abortion, like with any very serious decision, if you were less sure about it in the first place then you are more likely to feel bad later. But some people who originally felt very sure also often feel deep regret afterwards. And it sounds like maybe youre not 100% sure dont know, just dont want you to be in the same boat as the others. Feel free to share more of your thoughts and I hope everything goes well for you. Peace!