13 weeks.

Hi

I am new to this, I feel I need someone to talk to as I feel I am going crazy. I am 26 years old, my boyfriend (31) and I have a daughter already who is 8months old almost. The problem is I am pregnant again...I havn't had the scan yet but the midwife has worked out I am around 13weeks. I don't want this pregnancy, I feel I have made my decision for different reasons....its not something I want at all. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and he wants to keep it...and that's the end of the conversation....he seems to think that we will be ok. The thing is yes we might be ok...but I just don't want it. When I tell him how I feel he says to me 'would you kill our daughter' or ' I just don't want to speak to such a heartless person' or you might aswel be a murderer' or are you really going to kill your daughters sister or brother?' I think personally this is really unfair of him he shouldn't speak to me like this. I understand that this is peoples opinions, but its meant to be our decision. He is making me feel like I have to keep it. I don't want it. I feel I am going to have to do this all on my own. I don't feel I have anyone else I can talk to about it, cos everyone will go on his side. Am I selfish? should I just have it...to keep him happy? even though he can see how unhappy I am?

me too...............

Hello cassie883

thought id respond, im not in a position to give advice as i am in a similar situation, i have a 4 year old daughter and am 6wks pregnant. I sure we were ever only going to have one child and was going to get the coil fitted when i found out i was expecting. I cried all day, i thought we had been so careful(i was on the pill) but obviousley not careful enough. I hate myself for getting in this situation but feel at the moment that i really do not want this child, my OH on the other hand is delighted and thinks its great that out daughter will have a brother or sister. He has said he will ultimately support whatever decission i make(i see your boyfriend is not supporting you and calling you names) but i know feel i have to have this baby as he may resent me if i dont!! I too feel selfish and really dont know what to do!!
Sorry i cannot offer any advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone and i hope you are able to stay strong whatever you decide.
Take care x x

Unhappy

Hi Cassie
I can see you are very unhappy, please tell me more about what you are thinking and feeling.
Casey

These are my reasons really.

Not ready to have another child emotionally, and physically.

I feel sick at the thought of having 2 children with ages so close together or having 2 children at all

I cant handle it emotionally.

I want to go back to work and live a normal family life with my 8 month old and partner

I dont want to give birth again, so soon.

I dont want to be pregnant again.

I feel I am to young.

I am unhappy....I am really sad about this pregnancy...i dont want it. I dont want another baby.

I can see the future with just my daughter and partner, not another baby just yet...im not sure even if i want any more kids in the future, and now is definately not a good time.

I want to enjoy daughter as much as I can, and I dont see I can be a good mum with another baby in the way,

Reading through you list

Hi cassie
Reading through your list it sounds as if you are overwhelmed, and I wonder if this is due to not being supported by the people around you, or maybe not enough time for your self, are you working full time?
I wondered if you have an older person mother, aunt or a sister to lean on at this time maybe?
Did you suffer a birth trauma when giving birth to your daughter? and were you able to talk about that to a midwife?
All the best for your future
Casey

Hi people

Cassie, while no one has a right to talk to you like that, its not true that youll be a worse mum or that you will love your older child any less just because you have another one so soon. In fact, siblings close in age can be great companions to one another. Speaking from personal experience as the only child of a single mum, although our family was happy, I often wish I had a sister or brother when I was young; it help kids to learn social skills and it helps to have a family member close to your own age to identify with. My mum herself sometimes said she wished I had been twins so we could keep each other busy and she could have a rest! You and your partner both have very strong feelings about the matter; did you just find out you were pregnant? Because maybe you just need some time to think it through and talk honestly to each other. Both his feelings and yours might be the shock talking. My advice would be take your time, talk it out, and do have the scan and look at it so you can be sure how you feel about what you are thinking of giving up.

Dizzy, like you said you are in a similar situation but at least your partner is more supportive. Not sure why you dont want the baby, but I would pretty much give the same advice to you ... have an honest talk, take your time, and be sure you see the scan and know all the facts of fetal development before making any final decision.

One more question, Cassie and Dizzy, would you ever tell your daughters that they once had (or could have had, if you prefer) a baby brother or sister? Can you be sure how they would react to that? Dont want to be harsh but in a hard situation you have to ask yourself all the hard questions.

So anyway, best of luck to both of you and hope to hear from you soon. Peace.

Go ahead

I am going to go ahead with the abortion. The advice I have taken on board. My mind is made up. Thanks.

You're welcome

Cassie, glad you kept in touch. Best wishes and prayers go out to you and to everyone involved in this.

Take care

Will be thinking about you, take care x x