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I regret not having an abortion

 

Sorry if this is too long... I need to vent.
When I was 17, I started dating a guy I met at a church picnic, he was 21. We immediately hit it off, he was great. However, he had a dark side. He became physically and verbally abusive when we were alone. He was a very caring and nice guy in public. I broke up with him and moved in with my sister when I graduated high school. I was going to college and wanted to be a nurse. I was doing very well in school and had really good grades. Not dating anybody, I stopped birth control. Somehow, my ex-bf found out where I lived and started harrasing me. I ignored him, told him it was over, and my school had priority. One day I was going to the gym at school and he got me into his car. He sexually abused me in his car before letting me go.

I found out I was pregnant a little over a month later. My first thought was I wanted an abortion. I came back home and explained what happened to my parents. They were supportive and told me, no matter what, do not abort the baby. People at church were also supportive, they gave me a lot of baby stuff. I really wanted an abortion, but by now it was too late. I would feel excomunicated from my family and church if I did that. The father of the baby moved away after my dad threatened to report to the police. Apparently he also had issues with another girl he dated, so he just moved away. We never reported, I didn't want to. After all, he was the father of my child. I don't even know where he is right now.

I dropped out of school and started working part-time. My parents took care of the baby while I worked. I loved him, I was so happy I didn't have an abortion at the time. Mother instinct is so strong. Baby and toddler years are so beautiful. They pass by so quickly, though.... However, the years to follow were very hard. My family did not have much money, my dad was too sick and needed to be on disability. The help and support from church stopped after the baby was born. Now I was just the "single mother". They never treated me the same, most didn't even believe me I was raped, all they saw is that I was "a single mother". I worked hard for my kid. I never had the chance to go back to school, I lost all my girlfriends, it was all work and child.

Now, he is 18 and I feel I'm living my nightmare again. He has been caught stealing multiple times. He even steals from my purse. I have even called the police on him myself. I know he is using drugs. I've tried to force him into rehab but he doesn't even admit he is using drugs. A 17 yr old girl claims that he has abused her, but my son denies it. I want to believe him, but deep down inside I believe her.

I never dated again. I gave up my life and all my dreams. I worked hard. All for him. People say that if you abort, you could be killing the next president. Let me tell you chances are higher that you may be killing a future gang member instead. It goes both ways. I wish I had kept my pregnancy secret and continued w the abortion as I originally planned 18 yrs ago. Just to let you know, there ARE women that regret not having an abortion, they just deny it. It is just more politically correct to admit you made a mistake aborting than not. Even to this day, I feel horrible when I admit that I should have done it. I'm sick and tired of the lies, of the abortion debate. If you disagree with abortion, then don't have one. It will not affect you at all if it remains legal, but it will affect adversely the lives of many if it is criminalized. Just don't force it down to everybody else. It may be a mistake.


 

No easy answers

I feel sad life has turned out this way for you. Your son is still young and so are you, he may still mature towards being a responsible person. You have written an honest account of what happened to you and your feelings now.
What would you like to do with your life now? Is it possible for you to return to study?
Let us know how you are getting on.
All the best Casey

 

Courage

This is really brave of you to post. You're right, it's completely un politically correct but the truth is the truth. I'm sorry you went through what you went through- you are still young. Don't give up on yourself- you start over today. But thank you for writing this very honest piece. Maybe you should write a book.

 

Good to hear from you

Hi dowhatyouwant
The stories on here are all so individual and it is clear that all people are suffering whatever they choose. I just hope that more compassion can be shown to all people. Has your son met his father? Do you ever talk to your son about what happened?
All the best Casey

 

Hi

by:lostteen11

it is probably because you never loved him that he turned out that way. If you would've given him up for adoption. Maybe he'd have had the family he needed. Maybe he would've been a better person. You still don't know what he'll do in his life. You seem to only be concerned about yourself. Not about him for the loss of your son if he is this bad. If you ever loved him you wouldn't be just yourself. It's obvious you should've never raised a child.

I was also the result of rape I just recently found out. Which has changed what I'm planing with this pregnancy. I think you should've realized your emotional problems and given it away since you had your issues.

 

Hi ladies

by:beherenow1

Dear dowhatyouwant, if you are still out there on the forum, ... I suspect from what you've written that you did love your son at one time, and probably you will learn to again. Like Casey said, he's young and so are you! If he can get some help and help himself, he may turn out ok and you will again be glad you had him. It may take time, it may take years, but there's always hope. Don't stop believing in him and in yourself

Lostteen, what an earth-shaking thing to find out! My heart goes out to you. How has it changed your planning for your pregnancy, what do you think you will do?

Wish you both peace and hope in these difficult times.

 

Hi

by:lostteen11

I think I want to keep it despite everything. I mean not all kids are born into perfect situations.

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