This is the first time I am typing on one of these and its very nerve racking. I have a situation that I am dealing with and could use some advice. I figure the best advice would come from strangers who couldn't take sides.

I am 25 yrs old and have been married for 4 years. I have a 2 1/2 year old son with my husband, and I believe our marraige has sustained because of our son. Over the last three years on numerous occasions I have found evidence on my husband of what would appear to be the beginnings of an affair or at least the interest in having one. Every time I have confronted my husband he has told me that it was not true or that maybe a hacker stole his password and used it, though I have never believed him I stood in the relationship. In the past four years I have been guilty of kissing and kissing only two men (friends of mine)both of which only happened once with both individuals and have never told my husband about it until recently. Circumstances in my marriage though not an excuse led me in both instances to seek comfort in another person.

What led me to tell him, was a moment of anger in which I had just finished overhearing a conversation between him and a lady friend who he claimed was a lesbian (who in fact wasn't)discussing how he was suspicious of one of my relationships with my co-workers and how he wished I had done something so he could then say haha now I can go mess around with such and such or at least use that knowledge as leverage. In my anger I blurted out my secret and now I feel nothing but remorse and depression about what might now happen with our lives. I have a little boy and we just bought a house and I do not know what to do. There is much more history to this but due to this being a forum I do not want to write a novel. If anyone has any advice please help!

Guilty

Hi Girl
Let me tell you,You need to sit down with your husband and talk ( Without Arguing) and sort out about how you both feel about the marrige and your son.
Then if you feel that your husband is NOT commited to your relationship then Talk about marrige councilling or a seperation but amicable as possible for your sons sake.
Keep your self respect girl and dont worry what anyone else thinks and remember there are womens aid refusges out there too.
Dont suffer in silence private message me if you need to talk.

All the best good luck.

This is one of those crossroads in a relationship.If you have fallen out of love with each other, ypu can try to get the sparkle back. If there is serious damage done, you can get councelling. If your marriage is all-bu dead, that happens. Its no-ones fault. You haven't said how he reacted when you confessed. that would be interesting, to gauge how far apart you've grown. When you have a little-one, its easy to stop talking and just exist and survive. Think of the song "You've lost that loving feeling".
So my advice is to stop trying to hide behind blame and guilt and start getting some facts.Stop spying and making the truth from snippets and suspicions. A little boy in a house without love isn't what you'd choose for him either, is it?
Leave your son with someone where he can have lots of fun, go away to a local hotel for a night , and talk, but agree no shouting or blame , just facts.Face each other, and face your future, together or apart...waiting will just make everyone suffer.
Supportive hug
H

First I would like to say thank you for your support and advice. As far as my husband's reaction to my confession it was numb. He said nothing, he looked hurt but mostly what I got from him was a blank stare. I am not sure if I hurt his feelings more so than his pride, that his wife of all people would be the first woman to ever cheat on him in his life. When I tried to speak to him he said he had nothing to say and that he was tired and wanted to go to bed, and he did just that. But again thanks for the advice and the supportive hug, it is much needed

Ok I now suggest you dont ask to talk to him yet don't, look sad, cry , or whine. Act like it never happened. Let him retreat into his man-cave and think about it.

Now he might shock you with his reation,like you said, he might've jsut been waiting for his chance to leave... or you might be pleased.

In the meantime (as all women should do) have your contingency plans ready...do your what-ifs and be ready. You have taken back the power and he is reeling. If he truly loves you he should want to fight for you...we'll see if he just wants to blame you for an easy way out..at least you'll know.

Protect your joint finances,straight away.put some not all away for yourself. just in case

Don't storm off and leave the house because you and your child come first. Basically if he doesn't come up to scratch he now risks you taking him to the cleaners.

If he stays cross with you after a few days, and you want to keep him.. ..tell him you had your opportunities , but chose him, if he deserves his ego back. Leave this info to sink in , Another day or too later... ask him to either go away for a weekend to talk things through, or to relate. Thats your 'price'. If he walks, he was never good enough for you, His behaviour made you fel worthless...and it would only have been a matter of time. Tell him You will you will make sure he has access to your son & can be a good dad because none of this is your son's fault.
Tell him if he wants to talk you will always be available for that.
I hope it doesn't come to this, I want you to give him a jolt, and you start to repair your marriage.
Another hug for luck
H

Thank you, for all the advice it is really starting to sink in. I think there is more hope in us working things out than not. I appreciate again you taking the time to respond to my posting. Thanks for the hug of luck.