Need advice long please please help
split with kids dad, (both kids under two) he want access, quick breakdown.
he works away for two weeks at a time, when home he wants
4 days/nights then me to have the other 3 for week one
4 days/nights then me for other 3, for week two
then he's away for 2 weeks and so the cycle goes.
when the kids get to 3 years old he wants 3 times a year to have them for
1. 8 straight days/nights twice a year
2. 14 straight days/nights one a year
now the problem..............
when he's drunk he's abusive, both mentally and on occation physically (only when i hit him first)
since the kids were born i have done EVERYTHING.
he's never run their bath, made their food, cut their nails, got them dressed, taken them to baby group, changed dirty nappies or any injections at the clinic, ( you get t he idea)
he loves his kids, i have to doubt in that, but im really worried he wont be able to cope with them for even a few hours all on his own, what if he get drunks and the little one approaches he when he's asleep and their dad lashes out, ( this has happended a few times with me.)
when he's not drunk he loves playing with them, but lets be honest thats about all he's good at, yes since we split he cant do enough, helping with baths, feeding them etc, but will it last.........i doubt it
he doesnt drink that much, his last drink was april, but when he does its like up to 20 cans a night and he lies on the sofa all the next day with a hangover.
when he does drink it usually ends up with him getting into fights, he spent time in prison for this, another time got community service and just in april attacked one of my "toddler group" dads by headbutting him.
this is no way to act with children, i fear for their safety, what if he falls asleep on the sofa, when i lived with him every night he fell asleep after tea, will he suddenly stop because he has the kids??? i doubt it, having then will probably make him fall asleep even more.
a fewyears ago i surprised him with a visit, i found him passed out, the flat full of smoke, he'd put the gas cooker on and fallen asleep with the frying pan on, i DID save his life that night.
just last week he visited the kids and he left the stair gate open, our son was half way up the stairs by himself, the previous night he shut the outside door but didnt lock it, i caught our son with the door open and foot outside, a 40 MPH main road passes my house, he could have run out onto the road.
am i in my right to say yes you can have the kids for day visits but no staying over night.
im thinking of phoning social work and explaining my worries, i cant tell him this, the guy scares me and is a manipulator, i've always given into him. plus the kids going back and forth i think is too much for them, they are 22 month and 8 month old
please please give me some advice, dont tell me to sit down and talk to him, because its useless, he'll end up manipulating me and making me feel wrong and guilty.
everyone says he'd never get the kids with his past, but this guy KNOWS how to work the system, he says dont take it to court ,coz the kids will suffer, another ploy to make me feel bad.
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