Sounds like binge eating...
Sounds like a mirror image of myself I have to say! I've been trapped in a cycle of binge-eating since my early teens. I obsess about food, and panic if i'm unsure as to where the next meal is coming from. 2 years ago, I finally managed to gain some control over my eating habits, and lost 3 stone quite quickly. Unfortunately, my over-eating seems to have returned, and I am piling on the pounds again. I especially lose control in the evenings, and will eat until I feel physically sick at times. I eat in secret, when bored, when stressed, and frequently feel ashamed and angry afterwards. On the surface I am a confident and successful person, with lots of friends and opportunities lying ahead of me. But I would say that I suffer from an eating disorder, even if it is not recognised by others. Issues surrounding food in my past, my overweight and insecure teenage years, and my impulsive nature combine in this strange and powerful addiction to something that should be a pleasure and necessity, not a source of frustration and obsession.
I think the best way to deal with binge-eating is by speaking to your doctor and getting some counselling / cognitive therapy to address the root issues causing you to binge. These are often unconscious, and we don't always realise what emotion is prompting us to eat. Keeping a food diary is also useful - write down what you eat each day, and if you feel a need to snack / eat when not hungry then log that in the diary and try to establish patterns. E.g. do you tend to overeat at the same time of day? Do you always eat after an argument? What stops you from thinking about food?
It seems ironic that I am able to give this advice, and yet am struggling again myself. What I do know though, is that it IS possible to change - I did! And I am now determined to do it again. Set yourself small, achievable goals, work out why you eat, don't feel guilty when you do, talk to people about your problem, and visualise the end point. Maybe it's how you will look. Maybe how you will feel. I want to reach a point where food is no longer my primary concern, when I can focus on other things.
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