Desperate to make myself sick

There doesn't seem to be many members on here, which is surprising since so many people struggle with eating difficulties these days.

I was quite ill with bulimia between the ages of 13 and 18. Although I've managed to overcome the physical symptoms of making myself sick, taking laxatives, bingeing, exercising and starving myself, the emotions and feelings I have about myself and my weight have barely altered.

The only way I have been able to cope is to stop myself from putting any pressure on myself not to eat certain foods and to take away the guilt. This way I have maintained a perfectly healthy weight (size 10-12), and am lighter than I was when I had my real problems with food. However, over the past week I have been to a wedding and several parties, including my birthday which has involved buffets and meals and sweets and cakes and I now have a desperate urge, for the first time in ages, to make myself sick. I can feel the panic and guilt rising in me and feel disgusted with myself and fat. I really dont want to go back down that slippery slope,
please help ...

Time to re evaluate

You really need to start thinking holistically, the woman as a whole spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and nutritionally. Its the only thing that works.

I feel your pain so much I first tried to make myself sick when i was 11 and my problems with food have continued until the present im now 26. After bullimia/starve/binge cycles up until my 20s i then lost weight with weightwatchers thinking i was getting healthy and sorting it out...until i ended up as a seven and a half stone vegan with all the emotional issues from before. Im now seeing a natural health practitioner and putting on some weight, doing lots of walking and really adressing my emotional issues. The sweet stuff is also my major problem my whole life i have always reached for the sugar in times of crisis, right now i'm on a high protein sugar free eating plan.

Your 'guilt' about eating certain foods is really guit/shame about other issues which you need to address and let go of only then will you be able to really and definitively improve your relationship with food instead of just papering over the cracks, thinking you're ok only for it to flare up in situations like you mentioned above. Ive been there so many times.

Try listening to Louise Hay you can heal your life on youtube and Caroline Myss too she's great, let me know how you get on.

Remember you are a special person and are bigger than any problems you have.

Love Hannah x

I know how you feel

I think i have a secret eating disorder. I became obssesed with Hannah off Hollyoaks and her eating disorder and it makes me not want to eat.
I get called fat by girls all the time and its horrible.
I've tried askin my mum if i can lose weight the healthy way but she wont listen and she immedieatly says that im not fat, im just right and all the usual stuff, so i've stopped eating inbetween meals and i use every chance i get to skip a meal.
I also try to make myself sick, buti can never do it. i keep trying and trying whenever she leaves the house but nothing.
I really hope that she cant read this cus she can get into my account and look at things ive been on so im prayin she wont look here.
if anyone has anything to say, just let me know

Desprate for help.. i dont know what to do?

Although i havn't been diagnosed with an eating disorder, i think i have just come to terms with the fact i do, and my behaviour isnt normal. I have an eating disorder, though it takes a great deal for me to admit that, i have had an issue with food since i was 10 years of age.

Physically i cannot remember the last time i ate, NORMALLY?
i think i need help, i am 14 years old and feel as though i have no one i can talk to about this as I DONT want to stop what i am doing. I know all the precautions and how dangerous this can be, Yet i still have a guilty consions telling me i cant eat. I feel emotionally and physically drained and am having to drag myself around school feeling faint and depressed.

I can feel the guilt rising in me and i can see myself getting fatter although i am eating less and less. I will eat nothing all day, and try to drink as often as i can. When i go home my family expect me to sit down to eat dinner, which i find it hard to get out of. I then have to eat it, if not all of it. After i cant help but feel this strong greiving guilt taking over me. It is then i run to the bathroom and try to make myself sick, but i cant do it, i look at my self in the mirror and see my eyes all puffy and im crying.
I just cant help but feel pathetic and discust in myself. I have given myself various throat infections and made myself in in doing so. Currently i have been ill for 7 months with a throat infection, and i just cant seem to budge it.

I have tried everything, i cannot make myself sick, not my fingers, toothbrush, salt water, bicarbonate of soda, NOTHING..As i am under age i cant get hold of diet tablets or laxatives and have had to settle for starving myself, which i cannot see working anymore. Please if anyone has any suggestions?

I have counted calories for as long as i remember, and try to go by around under 400 a day. I am vegan.Therefore, dont have a very balanced diet as it is.
I exercise exsessively and have resorted in taking cold showers, and have to keep myself moving constantly, where ever i am, i'll regually take myself for runs and when i feel the need to make myself sick will drink hugee amounts of water.

I punish myself when i am made to eat food, and i think the people closest to me are beginning to notice.
Please i really need help, but don't want to stop what i am doing. I just feel incredibly low and discusted in myself and what other people might think of this message. i just need a little encouragement..
What can i do ?...

Eating problem

hi i just read your thread, you do need to get help before you pass out. i feel for you i really do. i am 37 and i have had a problem with food since i was about 14. i started making myself sick after being fed up of being the biggest of my friends, not huge just maybe 1 dress size overweight even though i was the only one who exercised and watched what i eat. i only stopped for a good amount of time when i was pregnant so not to harm the baby but its always there, even now and ive called helplines in the past ,seen a cpn and a nutritionalist just to be told what i knew any way. luckily i havent spoiled my teeth as i never brush them straight away as that takes the enamel off. i still suffer now, i exercise about an hr a day and count everything and if i dont i will be sick. I go through good and bad patches but its always there that self hate . please take my advice and tell someone you are close to and go to the doctors with them, if you dont get help now you will be caught up in this circle forever and its not nice. you need to sort out why you do this. if you dont you will end up like me, i find it so difficult now to lose weight as i was told my body doesnt know if im going to be sick after i eat or not so it stores my fat believe me its frustrating and you dont want that. please start to like yourself xx

Hi ..

I understand how you feel as I have kind of got my bulimia under control but if I go to a buffet or out for a big meal I do sometimes make myself sick. To be honest though it is so rare (once a month max) I allow myself to do it as I've found over the years worrying about it makes me do it more and more. If its a one off occasion I will do it and forget about it. This method has worked for me I wouldn't suggest it for everyone as it still means you are sick occasionally and I certainly wouldn't tell non bulimic people to be sick every now and then to give their diet a boost. I think the best way to deal with this situation truly is to realise that weddings, parties etc will cause a minor amount of weight gain however as they are not regular occasions the gain will rectify itself with normal healthy eating. Hope this helps x

I' m bulimic as well..

and I want to stop that!!!! I have been bulimic since 17(I'm 24 now). i would like to stop it but unfortunately all the treatments cost so much these days. I can't find any clinics for free.
I do make myself sick max 2 a day but not every day. Only when I'm on my own. Its like my hobby. Whenever I'm bored I do it...stupid isn ... !!

I know exactly how you feel...do you want to tell me more?
Whats your name and how old are you. Are you from UK?

Hope to hear from you soon
Good luck
Misha
x

Hello there

hi there hun
i know what you are going through ... i managed to get over my eating disorder but its in the back of my mind when i have over eaten or if im having a bad day and i feel im not in control, then the strong urge is there to make myself sick!

I try and take my mind of it i go for a walk phone up a friend or wash the pots anything .... if you sit there thinking about it you will convince yourself to do it! and i also think if anyone ever seen me with my head down the loo how unattractive it is!

be strong you can fight these urges !!!
you have done the hard bit and stopping in the first place .. you don't want to have to go through that again!!!

good luck hun =) big hugs xxxx

Lots of people know how you feel

many people will know how you feel, and I can empathise. I am bulimic, though it takes a great deal for me to admit that and aside from anything else, I don't make myself sick; I can't! I use(d) laxatives and went through days of starving before caving in, eating the sweets aisle in Asda bare, and then having a night of revolting fetid liquid running out of me. Appalling really, and most unpleasant.

Try to fasten your head around the facts (as I see them, at any rate which are): You are not fat; you did not do anything 'wrong' or 'bad' (in eating) - you have done very, very well!