Desprate. please help..

I think have an eating disorder. though it takes a great deal for me to admit that, i have had an issue with food since i was 10 years of age.

Physically i cannot remember the last time i ate, NORMALLY?
i think i need help, i am 14 years old and i can feel myself slipping away. I DONT want to stop what i am doing! I know how dangerous this can be to myself, Yet i still have a guilty consions telling me i cant eat. I feel emotionally and physically drained and am having to drag myself around school feeling faint, weak and depressed.

I can feel the guilt rising in me and i can see myself getting fatter although i am eating less and less. I will eat nothing all day, and try to drink as often as i can. When i go home my family expect me to sit down to eat dinner, which i find it hard to get out of. I then have to eat it, if not all of it. After i cant help but feel this strong greiving guilt taking over me. It is then i run to the bathroom and try to make myself sick, but i cant do it, i just gag. I look at my self in the mirror and see my eyes all puffy and im crying.

I just cant help but feel pathetic and discust in myself. I have given myself various throat infections and made myself in in doing so. Currently i have been ill for 7 months with a throat infection, and i just cant seem to budge it.

I have tried everything, i cannot make myself sick, not my fingers, toothbrush, salt water, bicarbonate of soda, NOTHING..As i am under age i cant get hold of diet tablets or laxatives and have had to settle for starving myself, which i cannot see working anymore. Please if anyone has any suggestions?

I have counted calories for as long as i remember, and try to go by around under 400 a day. I cannot eat dairy or meat, which probably doesnt help.
I exercise exsessively and have resorted in taking cold showers, and have to keep myself moving constantly, where ever i am, i'll regually take myself for runs and when i feel the need to make myself sick will drink hugee amounts of water.

I punish myself when i am made to eat food, and i think the people closest to me are beginning to notice.
Please i really need help, but don't want to stop what i am doing. I just feel incredibly low and discusted in myself and what other people might think of this message. i just need a little encouragement.. This is my control?
What can i do ?...

Eating disorder

Have you taken any professional help yet? If not, then do it right away. Eating disorder is certainly more complex than you think it is. Check out this useful resource for detailed info @ http://tinyurl.com/muygw6. Good Luck!

Hi

First of all, i know how difficult dealing with weight issues is, I've always struggled with my weight although i've never been fat bt a bit chubby. I'm some1 who just cannot help but eat chocolate and all that i love and I used to get so depressed over this ( still sometimes do) when i cant stop myself from eating all that crap and its a mental thing its not that im hungry its jst coz i feel to eat it. I slowly shed the weight by workin out i do 100 sit ups and 100 leg lifts on each leg and i do this 3 or 4 times a day and ive recently found my own eating rule which still allows me to eat what i want. What I do is i eat about 4 times a day, not big portions, and dont eat after 5 oclock. the later u eat, the more difficult it is to burn those calories. I dont know whether this helps but i lost quite a bit of weight this way so i really suggest u try it. I know know whether it will work with everyone but it's definitely worth trying. Also, starving yourself doesnt really help u loose weight, your body stores fats becasue it's not getting anything else. Please try this and try to excersize.

Hope this helps somehow

Let me know how you're doin

x