Running out of things to try

Hi
I have been down for a long time - since school - I just have no confidence in myself - I hate myself and just want to fade away

I've tried anti-depressants - they heighten all my anxiety made me so much worse - made all my self-hate thoughts worse - and I got to the point where I just couldn't cope and i took overdose - a pretty bad one and the doctors said i was very lucky to come out of it with out any ongoing helath problems.

I've tried counselling but i always skirted around my real feeling - because when i say them out loud they sound so stupid - but what it all comes down to is i hate the way i look i hate feeling fat and ugly all the time.

I've been with my boyfriend now for 4 years and my lack of confidence has always been a problem - i constantly think he wants to leave or he wants to cheat on me and i know i am pushing him away and probably pushing him to do the things i am scared of him doing.

What can i try now? where do i turn - i don't want to be like this i want to be happy - i want to be able to go out on a night out with friends and my boyfriend and not feel that he is always looking elsewhere at prettier girls - i want to be able laugh and mean it and to feel secure in myself

Any ideas would be much appreciated - thanks for reading
sam

Hi sam

it might sound like a strange thing to say but have you ever thought about doing volantary work?maybe you have secoundhand shop nearby that is in need of some help.i have been depressed a few times(and i mean really depressed!)and i've tried alot of different anti-depressents-at best all they did was kind of push my horrid feelings to the background.i remember saying to a friend of mine one day "i just need to know how to be happy,so i can be it!" he looked at me really strangley and told me that they needed volanteers in my local 'heart foundation'shop.it took 3weeks for me to go and ask(i thought well it can't get any worse!) i met lots of new people(all kind and caring)and over time i really enjoyed doing a worthwhile job-i also became to know myself better and actually started to like ME! i could babble on for ages -but won't lol. if you want to chat just pm me. X

St john's wort

Have you tried St John's Wort? You can buy it in tablet form or even teabags. It's meant to be good for reducing depression.

I can relate to what you're feeling a bit, always feeling insecure, etc. Just keep reminding yourself that your boyfriend chose to be with you for a reason... cos he thinks YOU'RE the best girl out there! Best of luck hun. Shaz x