Self harm

Hi everyone, im nicky and a new member on here.
I suffer badly from postnatal depression and ive got in to the habit of cutting my arms i do it when im so down or stressed as it releases my anger.
Ive been on anti depressants for about 4 months as it took me a lond time to pluck up the courage to go and see my doc i was in a terrible state when i finally got there. The tablets are doing the trick but i still seem to self harm, its like an addiction and i cant stop. Im the sort of person that is scared of pain aswell so i cant understand why im doing this to myself.
Has anyone else on here been through a similar thing if not the same.
nicky xx

New but understand

Hi Nicky, (I realise that you posted a message a long time ago but here's my reply incase you still read) I'm new on here as well. I wasn't sure if to join at first but I've been feeling down so I though I'd try it! About 6 years ago I was self harming. I was bullied at school quite badly and other things made me feel so down. I used to do it because I felt like if I did that then nothing else could be so bad because that had to be the worst it could get, but then I'd feel down again the next day... so on and so forth! I think for me I was addicted to the physical pain it gave me, I could feel something other then just bad feelings.

xxx

Coming out the other side

hi Nicky I was very sad to see that your not in a good place right now, I have a son who is now six. I have been in exactly the same position as you, and only started self harming by cutting myself when I had post natal depression. I found if I had been stressed or upset by other people this would want me to take it out on my self. What has help me is the fact my little boy is now older and asks questions the days will get brighter..

Help me stop

hi again, this is vix, im only 14 years old and i need help, if anyone knows how to try and stop it would be great, i feel so alone, i really do want to die sometimes but i have to try and pull through
vix xx

Reply to help me stop!

Hiya Vix

I must admit that I've only just literally signed up to this website (like 5 mins ago!) so am a 'newbie' as such, but I did want to respond to you personally having read your last couple of messagess, albeit they were posted quite a time ago.!

I'm not gonna be one of those patronising kind of people who say 'you'll grow out of it' because I guess, to a cetain extent, some people never do. Although I was bullied a bit at my upper school (when I was 15/16), I coped with that and got through it with the support of my parents. However, once having got a job in the outside world, aged 17, I started self-harming (cutting myself with a stanley knife/scalpel) when I was 17, after I got into a bad reationship with a (for want of a better phrase!) sexual perv. who although just a couple of years older than me, forced me to have sex with him against my will (yes, I know that's commonly known as rape), and I guess it all really escalated from there.

I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through - when I was with that scum guy, I felt so down and depressed that I wanted to kill myself too, so much so, that one night when I got home from a night out with him, I took 24 paracetamol (very seriously NOT to be recommended I must add!!! ) to try to commit suicide. After a night of considerable discomfort and vomiting (now you can see why I said NOT to be recommended!! lol) I perked up a bit and ended my relationship with him!

To try and cut a very long story short, I will be 40 years old next week (Nov. 17th) but whenever I get really down or depressed, I still self harm i.e. when my nan was seriously ill in hospital last October (2008, and yes, she very sadly did pass away), I cut myself again then to relieve/get rid of the stress, depression and upset I felt at that the time, as I was very close to her. I spent 3 years on anti-depressants from 1999-2002 after a long-term relationship break-up (we'd been together nearly 10 years), and even to this date (8th Nov 2009) I do still self harm whenever I am very upset/distressed/depressed, but as you get older, it does get easier, as you learn to cope better with what life throws at you, and I know it may seem at this moment that you cannot see a way forward, there definately is one, althought it won't be easy, and suicide is definately NOT the answer.

As a fellow self-harmer, I hope that my words have helped you, rather than destroyed you, but believe me, there is a world out there just waiting for you.

take care
lots of love and support
Lisa

Self harming

hi, im vix, i do understand im always depressed and i've been cutting my arms too, it helps me get throught stress i have at home and school, i don't get bullied, but some people can really annoy me, im considered as an "emo" yes i am one, but that's not why i cut myself, im very self-concious about everything, my weight; my hair; if im ugly or not. I wish i didn't cut, but sometimes i don't even know i'm doing it. If i'm so upset or angry i hurt myself on my arms', leg's, my mom and dad don't know, and i always wear long sleeves to cover up., i need help to stop, some of my friends' said if i didn't stop they wouldn't talk to me until i did, i hated that they did that, i did stop but the pressure of my life was too musch, so i did it again, i haven't told anyone except my friends, i'm scared that i will go too far, i don't think i would kill myself but i do wish i could, please reply.
vix xx

Me too

hey vix, i'm natalie. I'm 20 and i've recently started self harming. I know that i have a condition that makes me depressed but i hate the idea of taking antidepressants. i saw what happened to my mum when she was given them.
i know there's a numeber of thins over the past few years that have lead to this but i don't know who to talk to about it, i don't like feeling thati'm letting people down by being who i am. sometimes i feel it would be better if i was't here to make a mess of things and upset the people i love, but i couldn't put them through the pain of realising how much of a waste of space i really am. i'm torn as to what to do. i want to stop and make things right but i don't know how.

I understand

hello nicky i understand you i am also young mother off two children.,Nicol is 3 years and Ivan is 5 month.IT IS DIFFICUILT TO BE A MOTHER.I think i also feel little bit off that kind off depresion and i think that medicine is not a solution you need to find someone to talk to to understand how you feel.i think by hearting yourself on inside you try to kill pain that is deep within you maybe it seems like trhere is nothing there only this self hearting but i belive that good terapeut or even good listner can help you a lot sorry for my english is not so good i am from croatia,.stay well think positive think about love and people who care about you

Harm

i want to kill myself right now

Just a friend

hey look iam not sure if this site is just for women,but iam came across your add,yea iam going through a simaler problem its ok girl,,talking is good, i somtimes pull off my toe and finger nails,iam a very good father i dont understant it sometimes,i think my problem is i get into such deep thought,or depression that it just happens,, i found some things in my mind,that happen to me as a child,,lived in projects most of my life in and out of prison,,drugs,,gangs dont sleep much demons haunt me so,but the only thing i found that could help me girl is my turning to god for help ,,try it talk to him and him to help you undestant ok,,its ok and god loves you very much,,look iam not some freek,,life is so precios to me any more,,,keep talking to your doc,, only you can stop this noone can do it for you..you have a good day,,and tell yourself iam just not going to do that today,,and get a very loud song and just jam out ,,jam sessions work girl,,iam jamming out so loud now,,see ya my new friend

Hello

Hi nicky everyone has depression to a certain extent. I have adhd and depression can be linked to it. I no how hard it can be. I have recently started having anxiety attacks and that is the last time I cut myself. Cutting arms is a release of inforphins. Indorphins are those good feelings that come out after you do something that makes you feel good and powerful. Like going for a run for instance when you come back you get the feeling of power which means the indorfins are filling your body with good feelings. That is why your doing it to yourself. I have answered your question because I too have been in the same situation many times. Exercise was the best cure for my depression. Both meditation and exercise are indorfin related and are both extremely good for your body. Finding another hobbie stopped me from cutting. Then eventually I stopped smoking and drinking. Treat your body like a god nicky. Your the most important person in the world. Cutting is doing yourself harm. I just want to say anything is curable if you believe it in your mind. Depression does not have to be forever. Love natalie. If you want to talk to me natrockyroze@hotmail.com.

Healing dynamics course might help

I used to self harm, I say used to as I went on a 5 day residential course called Healing Dynamics which was run by a company called Isatreya Training and it completely changed my life around and I now no longer self harm. The tutors were called Netty, Phil and a lady called Tova. The best way to describe it was like a spiritual life coaching course but it wasnt religious in anyway. I didn't know why I was self harming, but by the end of the week I had uncovered my problems and worked them through. It really was an amazing course and the broad range of people that were there was fantastic. It may be what you are looking for their website is www.isatreya.com I have overcome it and I know that you will if you believe in yourself. Love Karen

Inpain1

hi nicky ive just joined as a new member after reading your message i have also self harmed after suffering post natal depression,my children have grown up now youngest is 13 i know how hard it is not to self harm but plese try , as the scars are a constant reminder of your feelings my children get so embaraced if someone asks me what ive done , surely you dont want this to happen ,you probably think that your feelings of a dark cloud over you will never go away but believe me nickie its just passing over you i koow this from past expierance hoping youl'l get through this so that you can enjoy life with your baby all the best

Self harm

Hi
I started self harming at the age of about 12 (well thats the first time I remember) I'm nearly 23 now. I go through spells where I stop for a while then just start again when things get on top of me.
Its hard to stop for good I think, but your right it is pretty addictive. I used to smoke, infact I started at more or less the same time and gave up when I was 20 although every now and then I need a cigarette in the same way I need to cut myself, when things get on top of me, added stress, dissapointment or if I'm alone and somewhere I don't recognise (I used to work in a job that meant I worked in a different town every week).

...

There are loads of things that make self harm so addictive. Its mostly the endorphin and adrenelin rush as your body attempts to compensate for the pain, giving you a high.

For me, I've been self harming for over 4 years and I don't think I'll ever stop. Even when I think I've kicked it, I start again.

You need to find other ways to release tension. The time I stopped for the longest while is when I started dancing. It sounds obvious, and fairly irritating but excerising really helps. It gives you a natural high.

Maybe you could also find some sort of confidential helpline (don't tell authorities as if they believe the risk to yourself is terribel you could be sectioned) and find out why you self harm. Although to be honest, I don't think anyone knows why the do it exactly, just when they start.

Self harmer

i self harm mostly do it when i drink i dont really have anythin that triggers it off i jus think of anythin sharp to cut my self not always are my cuts deep as long as i see blood run down my arm no matter the pain scars i dont care i have done overdose before i jus dont care anymore i go into this place thats a harm only zone anyway i find to hurt myself i will do if u feel the same we can chat my msn is ashleymathers@hotmail.co.uk all welcome

Self harm

Hi Nicky

My name is Vikki, I used to self harm, I did it for around 2 years.

I suffered from bad derpression and for me it was an form of escapism, it took me away from what I was really feeling.

It was also very addictive for me, I would plan ahead, like make times to cut myself, at the time it felt like a relief, but afterwards I would go into a real low, because of the pain ( although at the time that is not the issue )

I went to my doc and I was prescibed anti-depressants, they must have done something to help, but I was hooked on cutting myself.

Although it was difficult, through time I realised that, ok I am depressed, but the cutting was just making me feel worse in the long term, so I decided to try to resist cutting myself, whenever I got the urge, I distracted myself - a good tip I learned was to have an elastic band round my wrist, and ping it - I still got the distraction I needed but without the cuts and scars, this is not an immediate "cure" I did relapse a few times - especially when things were really stressfull.

It's been 5 years since I last cut myself, my arms are a mess, I have had some plastic surgery done to reduce the size of some of the scars, and I have special make-up prescribed by my g.p. ( which I no longer use ) as I decided that my scars are nothing to be ashamed of, they are a result of my illness, so I don't cover them up or hide them anymore.

I still see people staring at me, some people even asked what happened to my arms? lol, that is a toughy, at first I used to lie, make stuff up, but if anyone asks me now I tell them the truth, they may not understand it or think I'm a bit mad, But I don't care, once I know is all that matters, I gave up worrying what other people think ages ago it gets you no where - just more stress.

Nicky I can only give you some advice, maybe try the elastic band thing, and distract yourself. I know you have a new baby that's very nice, but we all know babies are a handful, if you can find time for you, pamper yourself, do girly stuff, all these small things helped me, they incresed my confidence and feeling of self worth, which in turn helped me to be stronger to stop cutting.

my e-mail address is vikkikav@aol.com, please feel free to e-mail, me, I know you don't know me from Adam but just speaking to someone who knows what you are experiencing can help.

take care Nicky, be strong
best wishes
Vikki

Help for self-harm

Hi, Nicky.

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I personally have no knowledge about this subject, but you got me curious, so I browsed around and found this site:

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Unders-tanding/Understanding+self-harm.htm

I hope it would be of some help.

Rotem.
http://a-sleep.com