How to convince wife to lose weight?
Im looking for advice on how to convince my wife to lose weight. Before we got married, she was fairly slim at 60 kilos. I always knew she liked to eat but she kept her weight under control and exercised. Since the wedding, she started eating more and stopped exercising and the result has been a stedy gain of 5-10 kilos a year. After 8 years she now weighs about 50 kilos more. She seems unconcerned and wears tight clothes that only accentuate her big tummy and rolls of fat. I do love her but find it difficult to be attracted to her when I see her jiggling mound of flab. What can i do?
I completely feel for you. Its such a tricky thing, getting someone to change their habits - especially when they aren't particularly interested in doing so!
My girlfriend also had gained quite a bit of weight... And we had a tough time. But what eventually fixed it for us was when we both decided it was time to change our diet to get healthy and feel better! I proposed it like something we could do together, and that it would be a fun challenge. She accepted, and, luckily, we found the truth about how to eat properly and avoid all the 'health scams' out there.
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Marriage is a starting line not a finish line. Too many people have this backwards. In 42 years I have never heard a woman say "I got to gain weight for my wedding." For the most part men don't marry women they are not attracted to. With that being said. The attractiveness of the woman must be important to us. So why try to ignore it after the vows are taken. I cannot for the life of me understand why a woman who see's her husband chase after and cherish her beauty allow it to go so easy. This is how we see it ladies: if you didn't gain his attention you probably would have never connected. When you stop making an effort to gain our attention, when you "let yourself go." Men see it as, YOU DON'T CARE! AS IF What we think is not of any significance any more! As if what we like in a woman doesn't matter. " I got you, you are out of the game. You are married. What aroulses you, no longer matters. Ladies, that is a bad place to be in as a husband. When a healthy person gains 35 + lbs and does nothing about it. Something has fundamentally changed in them. Maybe you ignored those fundamental differences because of lust. When the physical aspect of the relationship diminished the fundamental differences became obvious. Wake up ladies, No excuses, deal with reality! There's an old saying, what you did to get him, you have to keep on doing to keep him!
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I am looking for answers and advice too
When my husband and I got married I weighed in at a pretty hefty 11st. I was 15 when we started dating so I guess he just accepted me in my 'adult' form lol.
After having two children I weighed just over 13st.... bear in mind that Im only a touch over 5'3 so even Ill admit that I looked like a weeble.
Ive ALWAYS had issues with my weight and a very unhealthy relationship with food, Id go from starving to bingeing and back again.
I guess what Im trying to say is that it was my husbands honesty that kicked my arse into gear, I got down to 9st 13lbs (size 8) and looked the best I had in years... or so I thought, turns out that a size 8 just made me look unhealthy and boney.
I started to gain a bit and hit a size 10 which was wonderful... though now Im getting a lil bit bigger lol. Hubby says to me, you've put on a few pounds, it shows in your face. I dont take offence, I do something about it.
Sometimes us girls need to remember that men are not being shallow and insensitive, they WANT to be attracted to us or they wouldnt say anything at all... lets face it, it takes alot of courage to say anything (Either that or would you rather your hubby look elsewhere?!) Dont get me wrong, calling your Mrs lardy isnt the way to go about it, but a tactful approach will make us all healthier and happier.
Support her, yeah maybe she gained a few pounds over the years but no matter how big she looks you should never stop loving her or even feel less attracted to her. Im hoping you married her for being her and not JUST because how she looked. So her personality will still be there if nothing else, she is still the same person. Perhaps you should suggest going to some sort of excercise class together it will be hard for her to lose they weight so be supportive and offer this in a way that wont be offensive!!!!
You stated "you should never stop loving her or even feel less attracted to her. Im hoping you married her for being her and not JUST because how she looked."
I would hope that anyone reading this post certainly didn't marry "JUST because how she looked" but one can not deny that, that is a part of "the package" of attraction. That being said however... there are also chemical changes in the body when one gains weight. Chemistry plays a HUGE role in the attraction of one human to another. Phermones, musk if you will, the way your mate smells (under the deoderant and cologne or perfume) unconciously attracts one person to another... or repulses them (think Body Odor). I am not sayng that overweight people are smelly, I am saying that their Phermones may have changed...perhaps imperceptibly but that change might make a difference.
This is a slippery slope to walk and I do not want to offend anyone. If appearance makes no difference then why does it sell so well?
When I met her she was 50-60lbs. less. She won't exercise and won't stop eating sweets. She is very unattractive to me now--her stomach looks like Santa's. I was honest with her and told her that she need to lose weight and now she acts like she is a victim of my insensitivity. Now she wants to break up our six year relationship instead of losing weight. I feel very angry that the woman who is suppose to love me is more willing to lose her relationship than the weight. Maybe she's trying to drive me away. This stinks. I said we should go to a therapist and she said it won't help. Life is rolling by and this is going nowhere. When someone asked me why my marriage ended I will simply answer that I wanted my wife to try to lose weight. This is not normal. Who ends their marriage instead of losing weight.
What a waste of a loving relationship.
I have been married now for 2 yrs and I was 85kgs before but looked healthy... now I have hit 107 not good at all i have read your post and i guess for me it is a wake up call!!! I DONT THINK FOR ONE MINUTE YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD for telling your wife that she needs to lose weight!!!! To be honest no wife/women wants to be FAT and unhealthy if they do then there is something wrong with them! thank God that you would have the balls to tell your wife how your feeling and not go off and look for something else.... I appreciate hearing from a man who is struggling with this as i know these thoughts have probably gone through my husbands head... having heard that i want to to everything i can now to change that for both my good and HIS!!!!
MATE YOU ROCK i don't think your wife knows how lucky she is!!! lol and just remember us girls don't want to hear that we are fat but NEED TO
Personally I do not see what the problem is with wanting your partner to lose weight. Its not healthy to be over weight. If u no longer find your wife or husband attractive, its important to address the issue before it ends up wrecking your marriage which would be such a shame. Obviously don't say it in a mean way, I know that I would like to know if my parter thought I was gaining too much weight especially if he found it off putting. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look your best for your partner and vice versa. Its not shallow to want to be attractive, its just human nature. I don't see why everyone is giving him such a hard time about wanting his wife to slim down.
First of all I would like to state my absolute disgust about the language you use to describe your wife. If she is happy with her self you should be supportive and love ehr unconditionally, we all have flaws. You should be more concerned with her health, fitness and general well being, as supposed to your own personal opinion about her "jiggling mound of flab" as you so delightfully put it.
You will get no sympathy from me.
Before a relationship jumps the gun, females need to know that no matter what happens, he will always be there without any criticism. On the other hand, even though you know that he loves you; you need to keep your man satisfied. Now when a female that possess your qualities and is in good shape, come across your man... you are in big trouble. Remember he loves you for you mind, but keeping yourself physically attractive should be your gift to him. (Now if he is still acting like a jerk, then you know that he is hard to plz) At the end of the day, you both reap the benefit. He is more attracted to you!!! And you are healthier than which you were before.
*Men are born with knowledge, so when a man suggests something, and you don't agree to it simply because of his reason; remember that he can still be right, but he has the wrong intentions. (In other words, WOMEN, THE MORE YOU ASK...THE MORE LAME HIS EXCUSES WILL BE.) Don't put him through hell, that'll only make the situation worse.
You stated "If she is happy with her self you should be supportive and love ehr unconditionally, we all have flaws. "
Ideed we do all have flaws... I am nowhere near perfect personally. Unconditional love, however, has little to do with whether one is attracted to another or not. I love my mother unconditionally as well as my children and my pets and I support them all... I however do not feel inclined to sleep with any of them. Love and attraction are two uniquely intertwined and yet entirely separate things. One does not need to be in love to be attracted to another. This is a base chemical reaction and an animal instinct to guarantee the survival of a species. Love on the other hand is far more complicated. I do not claim to be an expert on the subject, but I do know that one can love another and not be "attracted" to them. My point is... although I may be attracted to someone, that does not mean that I MUST be in love with that person. Conversely just because I love a person does not mean that I MUST be attracted to them. I agree with the tone of your post. one should never be cruel in describing anothers appearance. I would however think out what you are going to post a bit more before you hit send message. Just my oppinion though.
I would love any insight from men... I have been married for 3 years. We only knew each other for 1 month before we got married. Prior to marriage, sex was good. Post marriage, sex life has been close to non-existent since honeymoon. My husband claims that it is because of the weight I put on. It is true that I was quite athletic when we got married, then a few months later, I put on a little weight; then more. I find it hard to believe; I mean, I understand that it could be a factor, but to not have any sex at all; I have such a hard time accepting it and it hurts me so much to think that my husband wouldn't find me attractive enough for sex: he pretty much told me that the fat grosses him out.
Here are the pics for you to judge:
The first one is before marriage. Second is on honeymoon (when the lack of sex started) and the last pic is me now.
I think you are hot in all 3 pics. I love curvy women, not stick figures. Best of luck to you
You look fine. Your problem is in your attitude. Be sexy. Your looks are great.
I've been married for almost a decade now and we've had our ups and down with our sex life and to me, it has more to do with my wife's lack of trying to lose weight than her weight loss. I actually came across this post looking for ways to encourage my wife to lose weight because it has affected our relationship and since I think I've just about tried everything to encourage her to cut some of the weight (almost 50lbs since marriage). Sorry, back to you, if your husband is serious about fitness and his body shows it, then in my opinion, weight gain may bother him to the point he doesn't feel like having sex...that's how I feel right now. However...and this is a big however...I saw your pics and you're not overweight and you're body hasn't grown that much. I'm talking about a complete change in body type. By the way, I've been called a knucklehead before, so my insight may not be worth much.
the more u tell her to loose waight she wont so u should start by saying how bout we join a jym to try and keep fit together and it will be fun coz were doing it together of say im going to start the gym will u come along an suport me thats wat my hubby did