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Overweight wife
i know how you feel, my wife is exactly the same, she used to have a good body but now she has rolls of fat etc, call me what you like but a good body on a woman(my woman) is VERY important to me, our sex life has suffered but she dont understand, i offered to sponser her to lose weight (£50 per pound) to no avail. IS IT TIME TO GIVE UP?
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Do not give up
You should not give up at all!!!
The first person to gain from losing weight is your wife!
Obesity is a diseases before being an aesthetic problem.
No one like to be married to a bag of fat we need to rember this. I understand your point of view completly!
Too many women and men give priority to their relationship with a mars-bar rather than to their partners.
It is not that difficult to lose weight.
Obesity is a diseases and if not cured can causes serious problems. At the end the other partner (the slim one) has to pay the conseguence of this love affare between his/her partner and mars bars or a pack of crisp.
It is not right that we have to whatch every day the person we love to get fatter and fatter and unhealthy just because she/he likes to indulge in treats!!!
Obesity is a diseases and not a right!
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I agree
The first person to gain from loosing weight is your wife!!
So do not give up.
Body fat is a health problem before being an aesthetic one!!!
To lose weight is not that difficult.
No one likes to be married to a big sack of fat!!! On both side.
It is a duty of both partenrs to keep healthy and fit for themselves first and then for their parternes and kids!!!
It is shocking to see how many women and men give priority to a relationship with a mars-bar and forget about the relationship with their partners.
Obesity means diseases. If you get sick your partern has to run for you. This is not right if that happend because you are not able to say no to a pack of crips!!
Obesity is prevetable!!!! so no excuses!!!!
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Dont give up
Hi there , am new to this discussion board and am 26 years old i have two little boys and right after i had them i gained so much weight and i tired to excercise but it did not help and my husband in the begging did not tell me that i look fat but than a litlle by little he started say or doing thing that made me understand that my weight is bothering him .He suggest i excercise; i did but when it did not work i kind of gave up and than he suggested me to these amazing products that changed my life completly, and now i am 124lbs , so if it wasnt for my husband not to give up on me i would probably still be over weight .
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Another perspective
Hi there, I thought I would offer another perspective here.
I am in the same boat as the wife.
When I met my husband 7 years ago I was very slim. Since then I have slowly put on about 40kg. I cant pretend to tell you what the answer is but I can tell you how I feel.
I knew the weight was coming on but wasnt ready to do anything about it. My husband NEVER complained or told me I was unattractive. It was the opposite actually when I would complain that I was fat and horrible he would tell me that I wasnt and that he didnt care what I looked like.
Now finally I have decided on my own to make a change. I have started eating better and going to the gym heaps and I cant wait to be gorgeous for him again.
So what is the answer for you? That I couldnt really say. Definitely dont confront her with it or this will just devistate her. be supportive, be loving.
Perhaps tell her that YOU want to start getting healthier for reasons like
: Being fit for having kids
: Realising you cant live to you full potential
: Anything!
If you make it sound like you want it for you then do it and stick to it, it may get her to catch on. I mean if she is cooking bad food for you both and you say, "this is lovely honey but I am looking to eat healthier. Could you make healthier meals in future?" then she may start with a healthier diet. Or if you start diapearing for a walk every afternoon she may want to be with you and go too. Tell her how great you feel and how much more energy you have and see if that inspires her.
You will not get her to start living better by telling her too, it is a choice everyone has to make for themselves. She has to have the realisation moment!
Just my 2 cents anyway!
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It is a touchy issue
I can understand the frustration sir, your wife's weight has nearly doubled in ten years. A 242 lb or 110 kg woman is very large. Maybe the extreme option of simply being blunt is best, although I have never tried this. It sounds like she is to the point of being extremely unhealthy, and maybe she needs a wake up call. No more cakes and pies or ice cream, gellato,or whatever you Brits eat. Just lean meat, vegtables!!!, and whole grains. Bran is good too, bran muffins are tasty too. so watch out for the scones and refined flour and fats in pastries, get her to a dietitian and doing some light exercise. Small portions throughout the day is better than one large meal, small breakfast lunch and dinner and a couple healthy snacks, think an apple. Also nuts and legumes are important to weight loss. Encourage her.
And hey, give her a good shag, that will burn some calories too. Cheers
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I know how you feel
I completly understand where you as a husband are coming from, my boyfried is overweight and it is a complete turn off, our sex life has suffered and he thinks its because i'm cheating, but i just cannot tell him the real reason is that its because he is FAT!! he is self-concious about his weight but refuses to do anything about it and i know that it would really hurt his feelings if i said anything about it.
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Faat boyfriend???!!!
refusing to do anything about his weight? thats disgusting! how dare you try and separate the man with the one true love in his life... wots that i here u say? i wasnt talkin about u huni i meant cake and other foody goods! leave the man alone he mite have been thin b4 but u know wot they say... u can still ride a walrus! aint that a fact!? and u get extra bounce!
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Love lost?
Surely you fell in love with the person and not just her body?????
If you feel she is overweight, rather then attracting her to the fact that you dont like it and may think is "gross" try doing things active together, like walking in the park or going roller blading/ice skating or swimming. that way it just feels like your being spontanious not trying to get her to diet.
Or where food is concerned, try eating healthier together, summers ideal lots of lovely salads, bbqs - fish, chicken skewers and veggie skewers are brill!!
Trust me this all works.... it did for me!!
Hope this helps.
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Want help?
if she is happy then let her be there is nothing else than trying to push your wife into something that does not worry her!!! But you could also try to talk to her about your concerns as marriage does not run only on love alone! good luck matey!x
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Ok ok
Well this discussion has been gone for a while but I will have to say this, it is very hard to watch a person you love slowly killing themselves. . . forget attraction. My boyfriend was heavy when I met him (so am I for that matter) and he said he was trying to lose weight. I had already achieved losing 60 pounds and came into his life trying to continue that and help him get with it to (but he lied to me). He didn't really want to lose weight. He doesn't even care that he has high blood pressure and won't get it treated! He has always said that he is 450 pounds which is OUTRAGEOUS to begin with but I think he needs to get off of that lie and realize he is probably somewhere about 500 or 530 maybe. I mean it's ... ridiculous. Now I am faced with leaving him or living like him because in reality it's hard to keep a healthy lifestyle when someone close to you is constantly tempting you. Now I have gained back all of the weight I've lost and then some. Trying again to relose it is so depressing because it's like lost time. I don't think it's wrong to want your spouse to lose weight. I can only tell you that our sex life is horrible and we often don't even bother.
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You get very little sympathy for this position
Its hard to find any sysmpathy for this situation on the web. You'll mostly get flamed about it.
myfatspouse.com
is just getting going but it doesn't have much content yet when it gets going perhaps there can be real discusssion on this issue
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Disgusted
i myself am overweight and find your comments about your wife awful. like most women she will have married you loving you with her all if she knew this was how you really feel im sure it would distroy her. if you married her for looks alone then you are just a shallow pathetic excuse for a man and i would advise her to look else where for a partner if however you feel in love with more then just looks then try remembering thoses things instead. imagine your life without her im sure its awful just be carefull or that awfullness will become reality.
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Overweight
dont you understand that men find woman more attractive when they are proper weight than when they are overweight, yes love is important but so is a better sex life to. as the words of the song say KEEP YOUNG AND BEUTYFULL IF YOU WANT TO BE LOVED.
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How rude!
Can you hear yourself?! Firstly can i say that the way you're speaking about your wife is horrendous and quite frankly i'd have more sympathy for your situation if you acted like the gentleman you should be and spoke about her in a half decent manner! She is your wife for pitys sake and from the way you're speaking it only sounds like you resent her rather than love her! You've got to understand that your wife will be very much aware of her weight gain and rather than feel 'unconcerned' about it, like you put it, she will feel the complete opposite and she is probably acting the way she is as so to not draw attention to it (and in particular your attention!)- you may not know but weight issues can be a sore subject for women so rather than slag her off on a website why don't you try talking to her!
You need to be open and honest but at the same time considerate! There is no miricle cure which will change her overnight, you are going to have to be patient, caring and most importantly supportive! Take the time to explain to her how much you love her however at the same time explain your concerns! Remember weight gain is not purely about aesthetic appearances, you should be more concerned about your wifes health as a result of the weight gain rather than how she is going to look on your arm!!! I'm sure you're not perfect yourself, so rather than critise suggest starting the gym together, or maybe try cooking her meals that are healthier. Can i suggest however that you don't tell her your issues are purely as the result of her 'appearing unattractive to yourself'!! She will feel a whole lot better about herself if you tell her that you are concerned about her health and then suggest the solutions.
Remember, be supportive and understanding and give her compliaments that will inspire her to continue to lose a healthy amount of weight and finally you need to take a look at yourself! Do not continue to act as if she is only there to please you! She is your wife, your partner, your equal. Treat her with the respect she deserves and not like a piece of meat!
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How rude
you cant tell your wife to lose weight for 1 it will hurt her feels and 2 you should love er for who she is not what she looks like, from my point of view i feel if u cannot be attrated to ur wife u dont truely love her. but if u want to be that way if u start excercising she might join you
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How rude!
hello everyone,
thoguht i would add to this long post, as a person wasnt your wife the person u fell in love with, it sounds like a little moral support wouldnt go a miss here? ? ? why dont u try starting a diet or gettign some exercise and introducing her into it slowly, she needs your help and support, not a discussion behind her back all you can do is be her guiding hand,
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Wife/weight dilemma
I'm in a relationship with a man who isn't overweight, but I can honestly say that if he put on an enormous amount of weight I would still be attracted to him and love him as much as I do now.
The only time I ever have worried about any of my partners' physical appearance has been when I've been looking at him through other people's eyes. So have considered the fault to be with me and not my partner.
People do not choose to overeat or put on weight. Your wife, happily for her, probably believes you love her whatever size she is and if she found out you'd posted this message, she'd be devastated. No matter how much she appears unconcerned, she will be very aware of her weight gain and lack of control around food and will have future plans in her mind to lose weight - she may just be out of control right now.
It sounds to me like she has relatively high self esteem because of the clothes she wears and her lack of any attempt to hide her body - which means you're a lucky man. High self esteem people are the best personalities and the best in bed. Would you rather be with a painfully self-conscious skinny person or an outgoing, confident big person?
If she does have high self esteem (which is rarer than you think), and you let this weight loss thing affect your marriage, she'll be snapped right up immediately by someone else, regardless of her size, so she'll always be ok. You, however, must deal with yourself. You might genuinely not be sexually attracted to big people, but examine your feelings closely and if you find they are based on status - or what other people think of your choice of partner and how she reflects on you - then I'd seek help in building your own self esteem and learn to become more self-reliant and think for yourself.
If you do talk to her about it here's what I'd say: "I love you and I will always love you no matter what. I just want you to know that I've noticed that you've put on a bit of weight. It makes no difference to my feelings about you and I'll always be there to support you whether you're happy the way you are or whether you're not and want to do something about it. I just want to know that if you are concerned or unhappy about anything in your life, I'll do anything I can to help you."
This won't be a lie if you have the courage to deal with your own insecurities before you say it.
All the best
Dandelion4
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Be nice
Hi talk to her but try not to hurt her feelings make sure you tell her how much you love her and that its not a big problem her being overweight, my bf told me he was unhappy with my weight and it came so out of the blue that it hurt me so much we were only going out for 6 months and i was overweight when we met so i was so shocked, but we are still together now 4 years on. I really don't think there is an easy way to tell someone you are unhappy with them maybe you can start a health routine together go for walks try eating healthier meals together even if you don't need to lose weight it wont do you any harm.
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Wieght loss wife
tell her how you feel and if she loves to eat .. as most do... encourage her to buy healthy foods .. replace junk with yum healthy food.
Go for a walk with her, if possible, 3 times a week. Get her to join agym with u
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