How to convince wife to lose weight?

Im looking for advice on how to convince my wife to lose weight. Before we got married, she was fairly slim at 60 kilos. I always knew she liked to eat but she kept her weight under control and exercised...

I'm overweight too

Hello, I'm italian and I'm 38. I have to lose weight too. My weight started growing about 10 years ago. You don't have to convince your wife, you simply have to love her. She needs cares, compliments, works...I'm talking to you while my husband is making the same mistake tou are probably doing. (probably, of course I cannot be sure ) . Do you remember the last time your wife and you spent a day togheter and talk talk talk....no? No? You don't? Maybe you both need more time for you. Women often are depressed because they think their husband doesn't love them. Try to tell her she is wrong.
I would like to know your opinion and, if possible, I also would like you will correct my english.

True

I agree with you , many wifes think that their husband or partner does not love them because they are over weight , so that leads them to depression and believe it or not that leads you to become even fatter at many times .

Fair enough, but...

If he is no longer attracted to her now she's heavier then she still needs to lose weight! Compliments are all well and good, but he's said himself that he's put off by her mounds of flab, so he'd be lying to say he still found her attractive like this.

I think you need to be really tactfull here, but if she doesn't get the hint, then sit her down and talk to her frankly.

Ridiculous

That is absolutely ridiculous!! I am not overweight myself, but it came at a horrible price. When I was 22 my boyfriend at the time of 4 years told me that I had gained weight and he was no longer attracted to me. This caused me to fall into a deep depression and which then resulted in a horrible case of anorexia. After I had lost 20 pounds he told me he was finally attracted to me again and couldnt keep his hands off of me. Ironically after I lost another 20 pounds due to my illness he again wasnt attracted to me. After all of this I met a wonderful man who I am now engaged to. He said something to me once that will stick in my mind forever and works well for this situation. I asked him if he would still love me if I was fat, his response was "Honey, you dont stop loving someone just because they gain weight".

My point is, this man needs to look at his marriage more closely. Just because this woman has gained weight doesnt mean that she isnt the same woman he married. The way he described her was extremely disrespectful to his wife and I'm sure if she was to read it she would be deeply hurt by his comments. I think this man needs to look at himself and his marriage and find out what else is going on because i'm sure her weight isnt the only issue.

Ridiculous

That is absolutely ridiculous!! I am not overweight myself, but it came at a horrible price. When I was 22 my boyfriend at the time of 4 years told me that I had gained weight and he was no longer attracted to me. This caused me to fall into a deep depression and which then resulted in a horrible case of anorexia. After I had lost 20 pounds he told me he was finally attracted to me again and couldnt keep his hands off of me. Ironically after I lost another 20 pounds due to my illness he again wasnt attracted to me. After all of this I met a wonderful man who I am now engaged to. He said something to me once that will stick in my mind forever and works well for this situation. I asked him if he would still love me if I was fat, his response was "Honey, you dont stop loving someone just because they gain weight".

My point is, this man needs to look at his marriage more closely. Just because this woman has gained weight doesnt mean that she isnt the same woman he married. The way he described her was extremely disrespectful to his wife and I'm sure if she was to read it she would be deeply hurt by his comments. I think this man needs to look at himself and his marriage and find out what else is going on because i'm sure her weight isnt the only issue.

Mistake

I've seen a mistake in my post. I said "She needs...works" but I meant "words", talking.
Sorry. Bye.

A miracle would help

Take a look at my profile. My wife and I found a miracle and it will help anyone. I reccomend you start on this program yourself and by example your wife will follow. It is Herbalife International. Their Shapeworks Program will help you lose weight or gain it however you want to go. There is a plan for everyone. My wife is over 100 lbs over weight and I am 25 over weight and after 3 weeks on these natural great shakes I have lost 13 pounds and she has lost 18. We both feel better than ever and have more energy to boot. And neither of us work out like we should. I would love to help you out or anyone else for that matter.

Help me out.

Hi all,
Its very easy for some one to say "looks should not involve in love". Look at the world. Day starts and ends with beautiful gal in news or a show. Beauty lies in the eyes which are looking at it. You walk out side house you see women or men with shape. I am not saying every one want the body in their women/men. Some likes big gals. Again Beauty lies in the eyes which are looking at it. As the years passed look are getting a part for what we like and what we dont like.
Looks also plays role who we talk and we will like to spend time with apart of personality. I personally believe that the attraction should be there between two in relationship apart of the love. What kind it varies from person to person.
Love has too many definitions. Each picks one. We can't say this right or thats wrong. Its not that easy to put your self in some one else shoes. So, please stop questioning about his love on his wife. If you can, help him out. There too many men and women out there looking for the similar help. I am one of them.
Are you out of shape? Or Are you not funny as you use? Or are you not paying attention to man/woman as you use to? Think! Do you love your man/woman? I believe he/she loves you. Weather they tell you the change in you are affects them or not. You love them right. If thats true give them what deserve. Once you get into a relationship, its good for both to start live for two of you. Just not for your self. Stop taking your partner for granted. Thats where the scope cheat occurs. Humans are venerable to virus and affection. Please help us to communicate with you.
I am sorry if my feeling hurts any once emotions. Please help some one of like me if you can.

Truth hurts...

I'm sorry but a lot of people here are talking absolute rubbish.

What seperates a relationship from a friendship is sexual attraction. It's human nature, and we can't help it. And yes, a weight gain of 50 kilos is a SIGNIFICANT amount of weight, enough to compelely change the way a person looks. I certainly would feel differently about my partner if he gained this sort of weight. I would still love him to bits but I know I just couldn't fancy him. Does this mean I'm never capable of falling in love properly because I couldn't physically fancy someone who was overweight? Of course not.

If we were all HONEST with ourselves I think most of us would find we feel the same way.

I believe I have a duty to my partner to stay looking good for him. Whilst he'd stay with me regardless I know if I put on a lot of weight he'd find me a lot less desirable, and I want to stay attractive to him, not just for his benefit but for my own self respect as well. It makes me feel damn good knowing he thinks I look hot.
This isn't to stay he's some sort of controlling sexist pig - he loves my curves and little love handles and wants me to be healthy and happy, but at the same time, what is the point in being with someone you don't fancy???

This guy has already stated he sill loves his wife, it's just he's no longer sexually attracted to her. Of course, there are many other elements to a healthy relationship but as long as these are there, as long as he's prepared to stick with her and help her lose the weight, as long as he's not nasty and abusive and handles the situation sensitively and sympathetically, then what's the problem?

Whilst a lot of us may not like to admit this to ourselves, physical attraction is a FUNDAMENTAL part of any relationship. You are kidding yourself if you believe otherwise.

This man deserves to be with a woman he finds attractive, and just as important, this woman deserves a partner who finds her attractive.

In agreement

I have to agree with this point. Physical attraction is an important part of any relationship, and it's silly to pretend otherwise.

It is not wrong to be unattracted to overweight people - I think society is so eager to be politically correct, it has started to ignore the realities of being obese. In extremes, (and 50kgs sounds extreme) it can be unattractive and unhealthy.

This guy isn't wrong to say he is no longer attracted to his wife, but it may be better if he spoke to her about it. She may be just as unhappy with the way she looks.

Same problem

I've been dating the same woman for about 2 and a half years. She's 24 and I'm 22. Like any relationship we've had our ups and downs, and even through the worst, I know I love her. But she has gained a substantial amount of weight in only the last year.

She has always refused to disclose her actual weight, but I would guess that she has gained somewhere around 20 to 25 lbs. When we began dating, she had a very athletic build that I found to be very attractive. Now aside from work she is fairly inactive, and is gaining girth in her thighs and belly. Despite this she still wears smaller shirts than necessary and maintains her belly button ring. Our sex life has dwindled, and I have a hard time being attracted to her sexually.

I want to address the issue with her, but have no idea what to say that wouldn't immediatly damage her feelings. I do not want to hurt her. How can a man address this tactfully? What words are best to use?

Is it at all possible? I see how this thread has gone off topic and has been more oriented in the greater philosophy of love and relationships. Even if you wish to discuss this along those lines, what am I expected to do regarding sexual matters? Give up on it entirely? Force myself to be attracted to her? Besides this issue, our relationship is solid.

"the truth" is absolutely correct

The truth of the matter is that men are biologically wired to be visually stimulated and women are wired to react to touch and verbal stimulations. This is not a subjective speculation, but something that has been shown scientifically time and time again. To say any different is just talking ...
I get so tired of hearing the same old lament that "if a man truly loves his wife, he wouldn't care what she looked like." Rubbish. This is nothing more than a straw-man argument. Love and sexual attraction are two different things. Love can be had without sexuality as in a man's love for his parents, chaps, etc. Likewise, sexual attraction can stand on its own without love as in school-boy crushes, chat ups in bars, etc. In a marriage, these two components are tightly interwoven and both need to be nurtured. So, let's not go about accusing men of being shallow when they state that their attraction for their spouse has waned since she has gained weight. They are merely voicing a defecit felt in the sexual component due to the degradation of the visual stimulus. Since sexuality and love are entwined, the whole relationship is strained.
Also, some previous posts imply that men simply want women to look good so the men can improve their status or show them off to their friends. Ridiculous. A man wants to be attracted to his wife because he loves her, not because he wants to wag her around as a trophy. When a woman disregards a man's need to be attracted to her, she is throwing thorns on the path to her. Make the path to you inviting and your man will come running to you. Make it uninviting, and he'll tread the path less ofen.
Women, these are things to take into consideration before bashing your man and labelling him as shallow. Look at yourself. Are you doing anything to stoke his desire, or are you selfishly letting yourself go, comforted by the lie that "if he really loves me, he shouldn't care what I look like". Remember, men and women don't see things the same way. Your man does not think like you when it comes to sex and the role it plays in the relationship. Stop fooling yourselves and start taking responsiblity for your part of the relationship.

You are absolutely right

I AGREE!!!!!!!!!

My wife tells me that I am shallow for me wanting her to be in shape. Granted she's had two amazing kids, but it's been 2 years and she hasn't lost a single pound since the last birth. She wants another child, but I want to be attracted to my wife. I don't know if she'll ever lose the weight, if she doesn't lose it now.

What is a reasonalble time that I should wait. I know she'll need some time, but since she's said she was going to lose weight, it's been another 2 mts and there are signs of implementation. Is it reasonable to make her wait another 4 to 5 mts to see if this continues?

Thanks

Weight

If you are overweight it doesn't mean you are ugly. If you trully love someone you don't have a problem with his looks no matter what. Some men like skinny women and other men like curvy women. This man has married his wife because of her weight. If she was overweight he wouldn't even notice her. If someone doesn't like his partner, then he should take a look at himself and stop criticizing her. Take her place and think how you'd felt if she didn't fancy you any more.You can find good looking people everywhere but it's difficult to find people with a good heart.

Politically correct

I understand how the whole "love them no matter how what they look like after you say "I do", but I'm sorry, I'm human. Anybody here with an ounce of honesty will say that they DO love their partner, but the extreme weight gain has affected their sex life, mabey their social life. My wife used to be so hot when I met her. Now she's gained 60-70 pounds and she looks horrible naked. That may sound bad to some of you females, but believe me, someone may be saying it about you!!! Sex is different, social life is different. I go to the gym often to stay in shape and keep my damaged spine in shape. I just wish my wife would take some pride in herself and accept some of the invitations that I give her to exercise. No such luck.

Thanks buddyluv

Thanks for your realistic answer and not attacking me. I hope your wife doesn't continue to gain like mine has. She must weigh double what she did when we met. She can't cross her legs and I don't think she's seen her feet in a while. I don't care how much you love a person, that's not a pretty sight coming out of the shower.

Honesty is the best policy

Hi Dangle175,

Just to give you some information about me, I'm 23 due to be 24 in Feb, when I met my partner I was just over 11 stone, (154lbs) and was relatively happy with my weight. Over the time we moved in together and in the space of a year my weight has shot up to 13 stone (182lbs) and I am well aware of it. Non of my clothes fit, and I could just cry when I look in the mirror at what I have done to myself. Especially being 5'6".

At first he said that he preferred 'larger/curvier' women and that I didn't need to worry about it and it's just part of the comfy cycle of moving in together. (Not helped that he is naturally thin and can eat a pack of 5 donuts in a night not gain an ounce and I just have to look at them) so we ate all the foods he liked, he stayed the same and I just got fatter. At 5-10lbs you just think you can drop it so easily, but it just continues to build up. Needless to say the sex has suffered, and rather than making an effort I live in comfy fleeces, massive jumpers and jogging bottoms which probably makes me look worse. And at the end of the day I ask myself why make an effort, It's not going to make me any thinner and we're both going to be disappointed when the clothes come off and I just feel ashamed and embarrassed. Just because of the way that I look, I know that he loves me and he still thinks I'm pretty and beautiful. But the point is, I don't. I may still have a pretty face, but from the neck down is not pretty!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is I think tough love is best, although I knew deep down that I needed to lose it, when he said I was fine, it was like I could ignore it. Now, I defiantly can't ignore it! And neither can he. I know there is nothing that he wouldn't do to help or support me. It's something she can only decide on her own, she may know it, but the actual doing is so hard. It's much easier to stay on the sofa with a packet of biscuits and so the cycle goes....

In the end what I needed from him was to say to me, 'it's not ok' And to a point I made him do it, I think he thought he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear and that I would just do it on my own. It took to me going into him, jiggling my arm fat, poking my stomach and basically saying 'do you like this?' 'do you think it looks nice?' I realise it's an extreme but I wanted him to see it for what it was. Ugly jiggling fat. And he agreed. Put like that, it is replusive he said. And it wasn't to be horrible to him, but to say to him, look. Telling me it's ok when it's not is not the answer, tell me it's horrible, tell me I'm fat. I know I am. I want your honesty, that you respect me and my feeling enough to do that, not sweep over it. By bringing out in the open and we both are honest that we are not happy with how I look it solves alot of the problems. I stay away from the 'goody cupboard' and he won't eat the crap in front of me. He encourages me to the gym and swimming and reminds me in a 'gentle' way!! I.e get your arse to the gym. Although I understand your wifes view that she doesn't want to go as she will be big, she just has to bite the bullet and go. The people that are there didn't start going thin, they became thin by going. Best thing, plug in the ipod and keep your head down. Just going to the gym/swimming will make her feel better about herself even before she noices real differences. It's taken a while to go on, it'll take a while to come off.

My other half has even offered me incentives, Holidays, new wardrobe when I hit my goal, liposuction to tidy me up when I hit goal, all sorts. but for me, the goal is to fit into all the gorgeous clothes I have boxed up that I can't wear. To go on holiday and fit in the bikini I wore when we first went. To feel confident in myself, not be ashamed, attractive, sassy, gorgeous, sexy, for both myself and for him. And to walk up the hill to the corner shop without puffing. Those of us that have gained weight know we have, we know only we can change it. By lying to ourselves and others by blaming other things just makes it worse.

Be honest with your wife, tough love. She's not going to be happy, fat people are not happy. Those that say they are lie. Ignore them. Those that have said love and support her, you clearly do. Be honest with her. Tell her it hurts you to see her like this. I hope this helps, I don't think you are bad, rude, or horrible. I think are honest and caring. I wish you all the best, and also for your wife that she can be honest with herself and you and you can work through it. That will be the true test of your love.
Thinking of you
Jessica