Help! my new boyfriend is suffering from depression.

Well I have been going out with him for 4 months now and when we started going out he was fine but a little sad as he had just split with his ex of 6 years. we got him over this and we moved on together although he lost his friends in the break up and is now really lonely. I have tried loads to get him to cheer up but I am failing miserably. I feel that he needs to get back in contact with his ex friends. Does anyone think that is the way to go or have any ideas how I can help him?

Oh dear!!

I was in the same situation 12 years ago, and in the first throes of love, did all I could to try and accomodate him and his depression. My life revolved around helping him to find a treatment for his 'funny heads' and occasions when he wouldn't come out due to his not feeling well. All he was after was attention and he ended up manipulating my life and generally taking it over. we married and things did not improve. with the benefit of hindsight, I would have said, sorry love, I'm not a therapist or nursemaid, seek proper medical treatment and pull yourself together. while you still run round him pandering to his whims and trying to organise his life for him, it will do no good and you prevent him from finding his own solution and standing on his own two feet as he should. do you really want to spend your life playing nursemaid to someone who will never make a decision for himself nor return the love and attention that you have already lavished on him? sounds bitter? yes, I'm still living the result of my inability to get out all those years ago. Be warned!!!

Thank you

Thank you for your message!! It relates to my situation, but luckily I am nowhere near the point of marrying him. I'm going to take your advice, as my boyfriend uses his depression as his excuse for everything in his life. He has put me on a real roller coaster ride, and I love him with all my heart but I'm pretty sure that he's using his depression as an excuse to manipulate me. He doesn't want to be alone and keeps me there, while claiming he's 'sexually insecure' and needs space/to have the freedom to be innocently flirty with others. He would go from being very devoted to me, and doing amazing things for me, to barely calling(if at all), to not even wanting to cuddle or have sleepovers. Basically, its the same situation, and I recently told him we had to go back to seeing each other, because I wasn't going to put up with his new attitude (putting friends first, cancelling dates to sleep). I understand that he shows all the symptoms of depression, and I want to be there for him, but I'm considering just cutting him out romantically and moving on. The unfortunate thing is he's not making it very easy, as he keeps asking me if he can 'have me back.' I don't know what to make of everything, because love is blinding, but thank you for your story. I could have seen myself going down the same path, and I really want to get over my heart ache so I can live for me, and not for him. The weird thing is he's a real charmer(very manipulative), he's really not safe, so thanks. I just have to get over it.

Keep him busy

I think you are right. He needs to talk with his friends or make new friends. To be free and thinking for a long time about one make the path for depression. Try to keep him busy in any activity. Make sure he do not sit idle.

Dear luce

Hi, I'm Amy and i suffer from chronic clinical depression.
Firstly DON'T PANIC! His low mood has a cause so he will get better. Has he tried counselling? Not everyone likes it at first but you just have to find the right counsellor of the 3 types(good, bad and the ugly). Don't be too hard on yourself either, by being there for him you are doing more than you realise. My partner is the one who keeps me going.
As for friends, there are no such things as ex-friends but it has to be up to him. Other than that distractions should be good, sport is good endorphins wise and for making new friends.
Good luck. Amy x

Depression

Hi, I'm not sure how I got to this website. I'm from South Africa. I think I am suffering from a serious depression. I have been now for probably 4 years if not more. I think it started as dysthemia and then progressed to major depression/double depression. I would like to join a discussion forum to find myself a support base, as I find I cannot discuss this with my friends, most of them do not understand it/ are scared away. I need to talk to people who won't judge

How's it going?

has he got back in touch with his fiends?
Speaking from personal experience, the worst thing he can do is to stay in on his own, if he doesn't want to get back in contact with his friends, then make a huge effort to go out and meet new people. What about friends from work or college? Make your life together as pleasurable as possible to lift his spirits.

Hi

it must be really hard breaking up after six years, maybe he needs a little more time. I don't think it's something you can just forget about in a metter of months, but it sounds like you're being really supportive. Does he get on with your friends? Maybe it would be a good idea for him to see his old mates, but I don't know how he'd separate that from his ex.

Poor you!

That must be really hard for you.
I don't know if getting in touch with his old friends would help, it might make him fele even worse about the break up

He need time out!

He really should have had some me time before he jumped in to another relationship, maybe go on a break so he can sort his head out.

Doctor?

has your boyfriend had any medical help?
Neila xx