Lack of emotions...am i alone?

im new to this forum, i went on the french forum first because im french but noone seems to know much about this...i have a problem : i dont feel things as strongly as other people do, most of the time i don't even feel anything at all.for example fear, i dont feel it, and it would be dangerous if i wasnt at the same time the luckiest person in the world. i dont feel anger, love, lust, friendship, i am never worried about anything, and as a result i let life decide for me of what will happen next.
when i was a child i had to learn how to interact with other people, when i finally realised i was different and that was the reason why i had no friends. so around the age of 8 or 9, i started observing the other children's reactions , in every detail, the way they moved, the subjects they talked about, etc..i realised exactly what was wrong with me at that age,as i was standing in a group of 3 or 4 children who were laughing about a joke one of them had said, and a girl turned to me and said: it was a joke. i said yeah i know! she said, then why arent you laughing? thats when it struck me: i didnt realise you had to actually smile, or laugh physically, for other people to notice you were finding the joke amusing. i know it sounds extremely weird. from that point i learnt how to interact, observed their every move, and imitate them.
by high school i had become very popular, but i was still pretending , and i notice now that im 30, that if i stay away from social interactions for too long i can actually start to loose all these skills i took so long to train.sorry this post is long, but does anyone have any clue about what it is i have?
i have thought about maybe a light version of autism, or even a regular version that i would have tried to overcome or hide as a child.
any other ideas?
thank you for any help or similar personal experience you would like to share

Aspergers?

Hi!
Found your post very interesting as I have gone through my life in a very similar way, I find it impossible to connect with anyone.Although I do get along with people at work etc I can never form close relationships.I think it could be a form of aspergers syndrome although I'm no expert I have read up on this as a family member was diagnosed with it. I avoid most social situations now as I find them too difficult and I think I will lose what little social skills I have if I keep on like this. Anyway I hope this helps a bit.

Oops

sorry i never saw you had responded...i will try to get more info on aspergers as im not familiar with that at all. and it is really nice to see i am not alone in this as i was feeling quite like an alien :P
and yes, if what you experience is anything like me, i suggest you dont avoid social interactions, you just have to go at your pace, not too much at a time maybe , but you are vey likemy to forget everything you learnt and have to start all over again the day people start pointing out to you that you're "acting weird" lol...that never feels good.
welll good luck in the future, im gonna google that aspergers thingy now
thank you very much for answering!