Blended family making room for baby...

My name is Claire, and I am the mom of beautiful six-year-old twins, Emma Louise and Anna Hazel. When they were 19 months old, my husband left us. We have since gotten divorced. I am just recently married to another man whom I have been with for three and a half years - to Annie and Em, he is their dad. Russ, my new husband, also had a child from his previous marriage, five-year-old Sophia Mary. The girls have grown up virtually as sisters, considering Sophie lives with us full-time (her mom passed after her birth). Russ and I are now expecting a baby of our own, a boy due at the start of October. My question is, how do I explain to my girls that their dad isn't the baby's daddy? Is this even necessary, or should I just leave it be? The girls only see their biological father twice a year as it is, and I don't want to push anything that doesn't need to be pushed - I'm not even sure they understand that he is their father. I guess I'm just nervous...

Love,

Claire, Russ, Annie, Em, Sophie, and "Baby Jude" DeBalleviere

I'm really stressing...

Sarah and Lou,

Thanks for writing back to me. I really want to tell them early (now), because like you said, Sarah, I don't want it to be a huge shock when they are older and for them to hate me after or something! I mean, I'm not keeping them from their father, but, the sad truth is, he really only wants to see them a couple times a year - it's like he doesn't care. He sees them around their birthday in June and then around Christmas time, but I get the sense that it won't even be that frequent in the coming years - he's taking off the the US with his new young girlfriend (she wants to be a model there or something), and we live in the UK! Their dad is called Tim, and they really just know him as Tim - they don't really feel anything for him, because, like I said, they treat Russ as daddy! Gosh, I don't even know what to say!

So, should I just sit the girls down and say something like, "Russ loves you very much, but actually Tim is your father, just like Russ is Jude's dad. This doesn't mean that you need to treat Russ or Tim any different, because mommy and Russ and you two and Sophie and Jude are a family now, and that's all that matters. Do you have any questions?" ?!?!? What do you recommend, Lou, since you have been here? And, do I need to talk to Sophie about this, too, or just Annie and Em? I'm really stressing!

Thanks, girls!

Love,

Claire, Russ, Annie, Em, Sophie, and "Baby Jude" DeBalleviere

Well.

im sure lou would be more help with how to as she has been through it herself whereas i havnt. but i would try put yourself in there shoes and think of the simplest way of putting it and make it sound like a positive thing rather than them feeling like you have bad news for them. it might not be upsetting for them if you explain in a positive mood if you get me. its a hard think to explain to children, i personally would have them all sit together and explain to them all so they all grow up knowing together.
good luck and hope you find a good way to tell them.
tc
sarah 10+3 bean xxx

I agree

def think u should just be casual with it rather than it seeming like bad news or a big deal so to speak.my mum told me when she was tucking me into bed one night lol!!honestly it will be smoother than u think, just remember to include everyone and make sure they all know that it doesnt change your love for them at all and just make sure they know they can come back at any time with any questions at all so stock up on biscuits lol only joking theyll grow up to realise how little input their dad has and how little they need him anyway and as long as the support and love is there from u and step dad then all will be fine.trust me u come to realise who and what is important.

good luck and dont stress

lou & bubs 13 wks 2mro xx

Hiya

in my opinion telling them while theyre young is the best. i know itl be a lot for them to take in but at a young age they will bounce back and like you say, grow up not knowing any different. if you told them when theyre older, you dont know how they would take it, and because they would be more independent your relationship with them might never be the same.
good luck and do what you feel is right. there real father who they rarely see, ask if they know who he is. maybe ask them a few questions to see what they already know. children catch on about a lot more than we think.
tc
sarah 10+3 bean xxx

Tell them earlier.

tough situation to be in, i know cos i had the same thing only i was the child (im now 23) but my mum told me of how difficult it was for her to tell me about my dad situation. They split when i was a baby and my mum remarried and i know my step father as my dad and i have a half brother who to me is just my brother.
my advice is to tell them early, it will be less of a shock and they will grow up not knowing any different, it worked for me i guess. My mum said that on the night she was going to tell me she was practically vomiting with nerves but anyway long storey short when shed went through the whole thing feeling bad and being really sensitive she asked me now do u have any questions u want to ask me? to which i replied mmmmm?? can i have biscuit?lol!!! i think i was 3 or so. i guess the whole i must have been thinking my this seems like a good time to get what i want mahhahhahah. we both laugh about now. so it might not be as difficult as u think lol.

good luck and let me know how it goes.


lou & 12+4 bubs xx