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Pregnant but feeling like i don't want my baby

 

Hi, sorry I had no idea which section to post this in.
Please don't judge me but I could really do with some advice.

I'm 26 weeks pregnant & found out I was expecting my baby, a week after my boyfriend (father of the baby) and I split up. He hasn't shown any great interest but we've had the odd few times since we split where he's said he still had feelings and wanted to get back together - the last time was a couple of months ago, and he changed his mind 2 days later after a minor row. I haven't had any positive feelings towards the baby at all since I first found out I was pregnant (and just typing that makes me feel so ashamed).

I've tried picturing myself in a few weeks or a few months - and even when the baby's much older - to see how life would be, and I just get this overwhelming feeling that I don't want it. I was never one for going out every night clubbing or drinking before I got pregnant anyway, but I just feel like I don't want to have to take care of a baby at my age (I'm 23); I dont want to have to change it, or feed it...everything I imagine doing, baby-wise just makes me feel depressed, then I feel guilty because the baby doesnt deserve a mum that feels like this about him. It's not his fault that he had irresponsible parents that should really have thought things through thoroughly before conceiving him. We talked about having a baby and both wanted it at the time, but we'd only been together for 4-5 months so it was stupid of us to even be considering starting a family so early in the relationship. I want to add though, ever since I was about 14 I've always thought I wanted kids. I've got 4 younger brothers and sisters that I loved helping look after, and always saw myself having a family, so I can't understand why I'm feeling this way now I finally am pregnant.

I thought it was the situation with my ex that was making me feel this way, and the fact I'm going to be a single mum. I still have feelings for my ex and he recently said he definitely doesn't ever want to get back together (and we couldn't anyway, because his family now hate me). He's got 3 sons aged 17,19 and 18 months that he never sees but this week he's been saying he's trying to change. The 2 older boys have moved away but he saw the youngest one twice last week and says he's going to continue being a part of his life.
He also says he wants to be involved with my baby, come to my next scan (I have a 4D scan booked for the 19th June), be at the birth and he'd like us to try and stay friends so he can be as involved with the baby as possible; but even though I've been waiting for my ex to say this for ages, now he's said what I wanted to hear all this time I don't think it's what I want.
I don't think I'll be able to handle being 'just friends' with my ex, and having to take the baby round to his place to see his dad for a few hours...at the moment I can't even imagine spending time with my ex as friends. Everytime we talk and start getting on well, I miss us being together as a couple and it just depresses me, so I'll start an argument (figuring it's easier for me to 'hate' my ex, than for us to be getting on). Then I feel awful, because I'm being so selfish. My baby deserves to be able to see his father and I'd be stopping him because it'd be too difficult for me to handle.

I'm also getting slight jealousy feelings towards my exes other son and his mother. The mother and my ex get on well even though they barely see each other and the other day my ex said talking to her was better than talking to his family (which was a big thing for him to say, because he's so close to his family). I, on the other hand, am the worst relationship he's ever been in (he said those exact words to me a few days ago) and I can't help but think that once this little one is born, his elder son by the 'perfect ex' will come out on top - how will he have time to see both children equally? He works weird hours as it is (2pm-00.45, 5 days a week, Sunday is his day off and he works 6am-2 or 4pm on Mondays), so seeing one baby regularly would be difficult enough.

I don't want to end up resenting this baby and at the moment, I'm trying to 'get into' the idea of bringing up a child; I've even been looking at baby websites and buying a few clothes but everytime I do I just can't get into it, and end up either being really uninterested in what I'm trying to do, or bursting into tears!

Could it be I'm just not ready for a baby, or could it be something more serious like depression? The doctors at my local surgery are Asian and were very disapproving when they found out I was pregnant and unmarried, so I don't feel like I can talk to them about this. My mum accused me of being uncaring when I tried to talk about my feelings and there isn't really anyone else I can confide in.


 

Faleshia

im looking for a baby to take care of. i am married and have a 6 year old son.

 

Extending comment.

This is what I have to say to all you "adopters" Go through an agency. dont be weird.

you should be

 

My gawd, you people!!!

All you "i want your baby" comments. You all sound like baby snatching weirdo's. This girl is asking for HELP not you to attempt to grab her baby! Listen, I am 21 and on my second child. I've had this issue since I found out im pregnant. And I feel like i despise this child, I feel terrible for it. And I really try, Its not baby daddy issues because he is here, in my life and our eldest sons. And he is going to be here for this baby has been nothing but an excellent father, yet I can't even imagine having this baby. With my son, I loved him, from conception to birth till present day. I can not imagine my world with out my little beebee here all day to make me smile. Yet this time is different. I feel like I don't want to do this, not the pregnancy, not the labor, not the birth.. Quite frankly I feel like I hate the baby. And It kills me inside I feel like such a ... worse. I feel ashamed, terrible AND guilty. I haven't been able to cope. But My advice is just take it day by day, Don't give your baby to any of these creeps online ESPECIALLY. If when he is born you still feel the same adopt the baby out to someone you can personally meet and spend time with. Someone you believe whole heartedly will never hurt the baby and will always love it as there own no matter what. Ask your doctor what you can do, or try talking to a psychologist/Therapist if you don't have the money for them, Ask a close friend there opinion. Get on some baby talk sites and ask other mothers what they think and how they've felt or if anyone felt that way. Your ex shouldnt ever talk to you or anyone like that regardless of how upsetting you may become. Thats terrible and I am sorry. I hope this helped you, if you ever want to talk about it or need advice feel free to contact me on yahoo at: Krista.hodges@yahoo.com
But all you other psycho's dont even try.

 

I want to extend my testimony


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Serebabs

 

Loving couple very interested

Hi there we are Kellie and Susan. We are very interested in adopting your baby. We live in Texas and are both professionals. We would love the chance to talk to you and discuss this please email us as soon as you can. Kellie.Pullin@yahoo.com

Thank you, look forward to talking to you soon!

 

25 y/o woman

ileenabrown@gmail.com Email me as soon as possible. I am interested in adopting a newborn so if you seriously do not want your baby I will make it very easy for you to sign over your parental rights.

 

I want to adopt a baby

please email me celvira10178@gmail.com and i be-leave every mother should be a part of the child's life

 

Hard decision

If you dont want your baby as much as you say ypu do then how come you've left it this long without doing anything? I really hope you're not just keeping the baby in hope that your ex takes you back cause that really isnt the way to go.If you dont feel that you can take care of your baby then the only option left is giving your baby up for adoption but you should think really hard about it before you come to a decision cause you might change your mind once he or she is born. You have to do what is right for you and your baby

 

Hi

Bless you. I think you should speak to a doctor about possible depression. Your ex isnt helping by being nasty to you (saying you're his worst relationship - what a horrible thing to say to someone - let alone a pregnant girl).
I'd say wait until you have the baby and see how you feel. Nothing can prepare you for looking into your baby's eyes for the first time. You may feel completely different. Don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling. Given the situation - it's completly natural for you to be feeling that way.
Good luck honey x

 

Pregnant but not feeling like having a baby.

Hi . my name is patty and i am sorry you feel this way. It is probably just you dont want a commitment of taking care of a baby and believe me you shouldn't feel ashamed at all. It is ok to feel that way. It doesn't sound like depression , but it does sound like the situation is just not good right now for you to have the responsibility of taking care of a baby 24/7. I would like to talk to you more. I am getting a new phone in a week and I will give you my number. It helps having a friend to talk to. Send me a message on facebook. Here is my email address - patriciamiller977@yahoo.com ok inbox messages only please. In the meantime honey keep your head up because things are going to get better for you. ok. Patty.

 

I love babys

if you cant take care of it or just dont want it i would love to take it, i would take pick videos and video chat if you wanted to i love babys but i cant have any of my own i take care of my god son and neice but its not the same i have to give them back and i hate it but i love them i spoil them soo much but i think you could do it

 

Hello

If you would like talk you can email me at teddyvillareal@ yahoo . com

 

Same bote

hi im 15 and pregnant young but you know i was with my baby father for about 8 monthes before i conseived and was together untill i hit about 30 weeks pregnant so we just split up recently im feeling the same resentment towords my baby aswell as you i dont think it is depression it is where u are missing your baby father and just hoping that he will come back that you feel resentment towords the child because he or she will always have the love from the baby father but in our case we may not, also it could be the fact that your child is most likely to have some of your baby fathers features so you may see him in your child making you miss your baby father not the main thing is to not worry about what your baby father is doing and just concentrate on you your baby and your freinds and family that a supporting you and our always there you will never forget ur baby father because he has a specail part in your life but atleast it will put it to the back of your ... .........

 

I feel the same way

I just found out I am pregnant 2 days ago and I don't know what I feel exately. I love children, I worked as a nany for a year and as a kindergarten teacher for about a year too, and I loved working with children. I ALWAYS wanted children and I always thought that when I will get pregnant it will be all happyness and laughter, sunshine and rainbows. I even bought baby clothes when ever i found something I liked. BUT... when I saw that my periode was late we decided to take a test. I NEVER thought I would react like that. I always thought I will jump up and down for happiness, kiss my husband and start imagining how beautiful all will be. Instead I started to cry like i never cryed befor, I started saying "Thins can't be possible! This can't be possible! It's not true! Tell me it's not true!" My husband freezed. We have been married for 1 month, but we have been togheter for 5 years. We love each other sooooo much, he is the best man in the world, he is wonderful. We have been living togheter for years, we just did the wedding to make us feel better, but we considered ourselves as a proper married couple for years.
I thing I do not feel connected to my baby for selfish reasons. I don't have a job and we did not get to go on our honeymoon as my husband just found a better job the next week after the wedding, so we postponed it until spring. I was looking forward to it soooooo much. I LOVE traveling and we kept saying that we will make a child in 5 to 10 years time, to give us time to see the world. We are not rich at all and we live with my mother and brother. I was about to get a job (someone was going to help me as I live in Romania and if you don't have relations or bribe someone the chances to find a job in a small town are unexistent).
I feel like I hate the baby because it came now, days before I had the chance to get a good job in an office, before I could go on my honeymoon, before we could say "It's ok, let's have a baby! "..............I don't feel it inside me, I cant connect to it and I always thought that the moment a test would tell me that I am pregnant I would only think of it and not myself. ( I am so sad and i feel si guilty, and i think the baby can feel that it is not loved. My husband says he is happy if i am happy, but i want him to be happy for him and the baby not because of me. He is an amazing person.
I am most afarind about the money, the fact that I do not have a job and if I do not have a job I will not get any government support after the baby is born (this is how thing are here, if you dont have a job 1 year before you give birth you get no help).
We thought about abortion, but lke someone else said here I will never forgive myself and I feel like I could never have another baby, look in its eyes and thing that some years before i gave up his or her brother or sister! I could not look at my future child and not see the babay i murderred. Before this I always thought abortion is a horrible thing and I never agreed with it.
How did you feel in the end? What did you do? Is this something normal or am I just a horrible mother? Do trully feel better when you start feeling your child moving or the moment you hold your child?
I couldn't stop crying for 2 days, and the only thing that made me feel better was telling my mother and seeing that she is very happy. But I am afraid of telling my mother-in-law, not that she isn't nice, she is very nice, but I am afraid that she and my fathet-in-law will judge us for not waiting to have a proper house of our one, for not trying to have a beeter situation.
PLEASE HELP! I WANT TO LOVE MY CHILD!

 

Funny...

It is funny how this old post is being dug out each year...Ladies, you do realise that this post is 4 years old and that this baby would soon be starting school by now??

Katy with Ashira 2 yrs and Matthew 7 wks

 

Hi

i cant say i know how you feel as me and my partner have been trying for another baby for almose 4 years and would give anything to have another baby you are incredibly lucky to go through this experience i am almost 23 years old and i was pregnant with my daughter at 17 and loved every minute of it have you spoken to your doctor how you feel maybe you could see a counciler or some one so you can make a full decision weather this is what you want or not as going through to have your baby and keep it even though its not what you want wouldnt fair on your baby good luck on anything you choose to do and if you want to talk message back x

 

Was 14 yrs when had my daughter

by:ddk5

Hi, I wish you all the best in having a baby but I am know in my 40's. I went a head and raised my daughter by my self and it was a very difficult challenge needless to say. Sometimes she thinks I am her sister. Funny ha, lol. I do have to remind her I am her mother at time more than not. But I now have 5 grandchildren that I adore and they don't know ther bio grandfather which I am glad. He never grew up. But they do abore my husband and they don't know or don't care that he is not the bio grandfather because they adore him. Thanks for your interest. D

 

I am there with you...

I just found out I'm prego's and I am scheduled to get married in June. I finally had this wedding under control and then last Saturday I found out that I'm pregnant and it seems like my whole world falls apart. I do want children, but was hoping to wait till around Christmas to try and have them. Everyone thinks I did this on purpose and I feel horrible becuase I don't feel pregnant, nothing makes me happy. All I sit do is sit and cry. I feel like the worse person ever. My parents are happy, my fiance thinks it's the best thing in the world and no one sees that I'm miserable and hate this. So I understand...I'm just hoping my feelings go away.

 

2nd child

I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child and feel completely different than i did with my daughter. when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter i was 17 and terrified single mom didnt think i had anything going for me and was feeling bad about everything. during my pregnancy i started bleeding and realised then i wanted my baby and didnt want anything bad to happen to her. now i know she is the best thing in my life and i know she understands why i wasnt happy to begin with. when she was 10month old i met a fantastic bloke who i am having a new baby with he treats my daughter like his own and they loves each other so much. this baby was planned and we are all so excited about it. there are other ways for your child to see their father without you having to see him eventually you will be strong enough to see him. i think personally you need to speak to your midwife about how your feeling towards the baby. if you decide you do not want the baby there are plenty of people out there who would love a baby but cant have them. decide whats best for you and your baby good luck xx

 

Your lucky

by:angietorres17

Sweetie its ok. but you are lucky to be pregnant. As for me, I was born without a uterus so i am not able to have children at all. If you dont want the child, i would be glad to care for it.

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