im a newbie and i would really like some advice..

Im new to this forum and I've only put up one post but look at this forum everyday and really find it useful hearing everyones experiences..
Here goes.. Im 28 years old and 21 weeks (today) pregnant with my first baby .. me and my boyfriend were only together a month before I got pregnant (we have been friends for the past 10 years) obviously I didnt plan this pregnancy but I knew I wasnt going to have an abortion so we decided to move in together and make a go of it properly.. well no suprise that it isnt going as well as I thought and Im seriously considering leaving.. as he doesnt show any interest in this baby.. he hasnt bought anything for this baby and reminds me almost every day that he has no money.. so I get the message and know for that month I have to buy all the baby stuff and save money for all the stuff we will need. i wasnt really worried about it in the earlier months but time is ticking on and I would really like to start sorting everying out... ie nursery (which at the moment is filled with tools! All my family live in Scotland (moved about 5 yrs ago) so dont have anyone to turn to..obviously I can speak to them at any time but my mum is seriously worried and dont want to worry her anymore. Both my sisters are single parents and I see how they struggle so I really dont want to be one but at the moment I do feel like one.. My parents have offered to pay off my debts if i want to move to scotland with them and some days I really want to but would feel guilty about moving so far away from his family.. his parents are wonderful have been very generous with helping me get stuff. I have a good job so I would have to quit and go on benefits which I have always said I wouldnt do... I dont know what to do... I've told him about how i feel and he says it'll be fine ..i dont feel assured that he can support his family mentally and money wise so shall i just leave now?? Any advice would be great as I dont want to make a huge mistake that will affect my baby..
sorry for the long essay

Katherine and boy bump 21 weeks xxxx

Hey hun

Im not a relationship expert but could it just be that this is a bit overwhelming for him? He may have the same financial concerns you have? It can be very scary having a baby especially if its not planned.

Why dont you take a trip up to see your family, see if they'll chip in on the fare to get there. What about his mum, can you speak to her about your worries?

Also, why do you have to quit your job?

Dont do anything hasty, your hormones are going to be going wild at the mo and may cause you to make rash decisions. Try talking too him, see how hes feeling?

I dont know what else to suggest but please keep us updated xx

Adele(B&T)

Thank you...

Thank you sooo much for your reply..! Well my parents have planned a trip for me to visit them tomorrow!!! Just my luck I was involved in a car accident monday (reason for my delay as just back in work) me and baby are fine im just bruised thankfully!!! so I'm going to have a week away to relax and think things through. If I was going to be a single parent then I dont know how I would pay for the child care!! been looking and costs around £800 - £900 per month full time!!!! OMG!!! I just couldnt survive paying that ! I think Its just so much to deal with and Im terried of relying on someone else (apart from me) to look after and my baby... what if he decides its just too much work?? I know its no point worrying about something I dont have any control over but im not sure if I can take the risk ?? maybe I am still hormonal?? It was really bad the first 3 months!! but I thought they had settled?? maybe not...
Anyway Im really grateful you took the time to reply to me and I will keep you updated.

Many thanks Katherine & 21+6 Boy bean xxxxxx

Hi

jus popper over from B&T and thought i'd say hello

I totally agree with Adele in that your hormones will prob be all over the place so its prob best not to make any massive decisions! Although they do settle down after the first 3 months i still found myself in floods of tears at the silliest of things all the way through my pregnancy.

Although childcare is expensive you do get help throught the tax credits people www.direct.gov.uk/TaxCredits
it might be worth giving them a call to see what you are entitled to?? Also is there any chance of his parents helping out with some of the childcare?
Have you spoken to your BF about how you are feeling? sometimes men really dont get whats wrong and need it spelling out to them! You might find it helpful to maybe sit down and write out a plan and budget of what you need for the baby and then work out money for after he has been born? and if he does decide that its 'too much work' then you're better off without him and he'll be the one missing out on the bestest thing in the world!

Silly thing to say but try not to let yourself get too upset and stressed by all this, take some time out and remember to try and enjoy being pregnant cos i promise you will miss it!

take care hun

Kate