Hi,

Wasn't sure whether to post this on the relationship board or the pregnancy board but i would really appreciate your advice!

It's a long story but i'll try to make it as brief as possible!

Have been a single mum for 10 years....( planned to marry my son's dad but he walked out on me when i unexpectedly fell pregnant )

My current partner has 2 children from a previous marriage and that marriage ended when he got home from work early one day to find his wife ( now ex ) in bed with someone. Things got nasty between them and she has stopped him seeing his kids, been done for fraud against him and has basically been causing trouble since the day she found out he was with me!

About 6 months after i met him i found a list of phone numbers in his pocket and questioned him he denied knowing anything about it and said i could ring the numbers if i wanted...which i did! Turned out all these girls were having affairs with him....then i found out his ex had planted the numbers on him to set him up and these girls were mates of her's!!!
Anyway, my mum and sister started ringing my partners ex to ask her about it and she started to deny it adding that he used to beat her, has a criminal record, has loads of debts, is a cheat etc etc. They were sucked in and believed her and started to tell people in our village what was going on and hated my partner, abusing him in hte street, banning him from their houses etc. His ex has changed her number & moved house because she got sick of my mum ringing her and we dont even know now where his kids are!
We were due to get married & they refused to come to our wedding so we cancelled it, hoping things would get better. It was such a strain on our relationship we went to counselling & i developed panic attacks.
My mum and sister then said unless my partner could prove this stuff wasnt true they wouldnt accept him.
He ordered credit ratings, his police record which i've seen and even spend £750 on a lie detector test which came back he hadn't cheated on me!
We've been together nearly 3 years now and i'm 26 weeks pregnant. They still wont accept us and have not once asked how the pregnancy is going or how the baby is. We live in the same village!
I cry most days & am so so stressed about it. My son things the world of my partner and vice versa, and he treats us both like gold.
Any advice please?!

hey summer,

I have just been catching up on some of the posts from the forum and read yours, what a dilema hun?

I am just going to say the first thoughts which came into my head and that was that you and your family (being your partner, your son and your unborn child) need to look after each other. This has been going on for 21 months now and i know its hard because they are your family who are feuding with you both but you both know the truth and it sounds like the relationships is strong you have trust and he looks after you, which to be honest alot of relationships these days do not have.

You have nothing to proove to your mum or family and if what you haven't done already is enough is it worth trying any longer to change their minds?

Mainly hun you need to look after number 1 which is you and the baby, your healths can be severly affected and it sounds like yours is already. You don't need the stress any longer, if they haven't accepted the situation after 21 months you have to ask yourself whether they ever will? And if the answer to that is no then you need to start thinking about the future and the positives of a growing family together. You have each other and thats very important.

I hope this helps

At the end of the day you need to put your children and partner first. He has obviously prooved himself and it sounds like you love him very much and he obviously cares about you. It is your mother and sister who are in the wrong here. However hard it is you need to just break away from it - do not let them bother you. Show them through your actions that you have a happy family and for your sons sake try not to force the relationship between you and your mother. They can know that your door is always open - but perhaps do not visit them and ask your dad and your other sister if they can visit you at your house or in a neutral space. Explain to her that she is affecting her grandson and if she wants to be nice/civil then she is more than welcome to spend time with you and your family.

It is hard but you have to put you, your children and you partner first. Best of luck! I feel for you

my situation was a little like yours but mine was my partners family didnt accept me because his step dad didnt get on with my mum or her husband and when i fell pregnant i got the same reaction as you have got but in the end i thought all that matters is what i have now and if they have a problem with it its there problem not yours. no matter what think your self lucky its them missin out on your children.xxx

Can i just add i'm not a kid...im almost 34!

My dad & other sister are fine but my mum & my other sister who is making things difficult for us, have either cheated on their partner or took back someone who has cheated on them!!!! So, even if my partner had done the dirty on me...that cant really talk!

The fact is though he hasn't and has gone out of his way to prove this, yet still it's not good enough for them!

This has been going on for 21 months now and it's been 17 months since he took the lie detector test. He wrote to them both apologising for all the upset and they still give him dirty looks and dont speak to me, especially when he's around.

It's started to affect my 11 year old now and he's started to say if they are still like this when his baby brother or sister are here then he doesnt want to see them anymore....I cant take much more!!!! The baby will be here in just over 3 months!

I think you both need to sit and discuss do you really need this sor of grief within your relationship.

You are not asking your mother or sister to live with you, it is you who has to live with your partner and if he has gone out of his way to prove he is inoccent and your family still can't move on or be happy for you both, then maybe it's time you put your foot down with them and advised them that your partner is important to you and you love him and he has tried his best to convince everyone he is not the person his ex has made out (which the only person he sould be proving himself to is YOU not your family).

are you happy with him???? if the answer is yes. then maybe you should move away from your family and make a life for you and YOUR family.

do you need your family that much? are you and your son's happiness not more important than pleasing others??

but on the other hand you still sound unsure about your partner for you to be worried about your mum and sister actions..

sorry if it' not the answer you're wanting or if I haven't helped. I have been in your situation and I haven't spoken to my sister for years and moved away, I am much happier and can honestly say I do not miss her at all. the last time I saw my mum was nearly 2 years ago. we sometimes talk on the phone or txt but that's it.

hope all works out for you ... take care and put your and your family first and stuff everyone else who can't be happy for you..

Hi - have messaged you about this. You don't need this stress, all those stress hormones filtering down to your girl. I think its awful how they're treating you, but also sad for them - they're missing out on such a special time for you and your son. I think although I can't imagine how you're going to do this, you need to get on with your life for the meantime and concentrate on you and your new baby daughter.
Take care hon and remember you can rant at us whenever you like! xx