I am getting stick from my mother in law to breast feed even though I am only 5 and half weeks pregnant!!
She didnt breast feed any of her 3 children and she is driving me mad.
My boobs are so sore already and have always been really sensitive in that area. I cant imagine breast feeding even though I know its best for baby. I know I am being totally selfish, but I am genuinly nervous about it. I am more than willing to give it a try but am slightly annoyed that I am being made to feel like I will be a bad mother if I cant do it.
Any advice would really put my mind at rest.

Thanks

Yeliz
xxxxx

Hey hun,

Just thought i would write a little note because i really dont want to breastfeed because my nipples are so sore now i cant imagine a baby grappling onto them...hate other half touching them they so tender!

Midwife asked me today and i told her my concerns she has told me the best advise, its my baby i will be taking it from the hospital so i have to be comfortable so its 100% my decision. I was worried what people would think as my sister said that the midwifes made her feel bad when she didnt breastfeed her first in hosp.

You have to make sure you make your own mind up and put your mother in law in the frame of your thinking! Earlier the better as it sounds like she will have an opinion of everything.

You have plenty of time to think about this and get more advise you may feel different when baby is getting bigger or even when you have had it.

keep smiling hun

Good luck

I thought I'd go against the flow of responses, because, not knowing you or your mother-in-law, I'm trying to look at this from both sides. I think maybe you're looking at it the wrong way.

If your mil didn't breast feed she could well have some guilt about it and is trying to make sure you don't feel the same way. She probably also wants her grandkids to have the best start, and breastfeeding does seem to be that. As to the feeding, it's totally up to you as a mum, but if you tell her you're going to try and only stop if you can't manage it, then you'll have done the best you possibly can and she should accept that.

I didn't have any trouble b/f my son. I'm not very sensitive in my breasts, but even so I still had some discomfort so I can imagine how you must be worrying. I think it's definitely worth trying as it's a great experience, but not for everyone.

As to the buggy, why is that a big deal? My mum has one at her house for when my son visits, just because it means we don't have to worry about lugging ours over there when the car is already full of stuff. Your mil could just be trying to get involved and show she's excited. I don't have a mil (she died before I met my hubby), but I can't imagine I'd feel as close to her as I do to my own mum, and it would have been harder to involve her. Maybe if it was your own mum you wouldn't have the same issues with her saying these things, but your mil has the same relationship to the baby, even though you are not her own child.

Yes, you are the mum and you will have the final say (as it should be), but I think that family are entitled to offer advice, although not if they're being mean about it.

Or maybe she's just a ... ! You know her better than I do!

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but thought someone should stick up for the mil's of the world!

Gond
xx

Hi Gond, thanks for the advice.
I completey see were you are coming from. Its really helpful to have advice from both sides of the picture.
I think I just feel like my mother in law is trying to take over a bit. She has always had a dislike for me ever since I got together with my now husband. He was 29 and I was 18 when we first started dating and she hates that. She has shown her dislike for me by spreading awful rumours about me around his family. She has threatened to kill me twice and told me that my husband was not turning up at the church on our wedding day! (She phoned me the morning of our wedding!)She even told my husband that I was cheating on him with another man...It was never ending.
I have been through painful and heartbreaking IVF treatment which she had no interest in as she said we didnt have much chance of it working anyway. She seems to only have taken interest in me since I found out I was pregnant.
This is the kind of woman that she is. If she was honestly just excited and wanted to be involved, then I would be more than happy for her to do as she pleased but I know that she has other ideas.
Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt and see how things go. I wish that she was interested in me for a change and not just the things that she can get out of me (literally!!!) that she will benefit from.

I am at a loss and havent a clue how to deal with this.

Any more advice would be great.

Thanks

Yeliz
xxxxx

PS: I'm not a wierdo, she just gives me a hard time.

Well, in that case I think you're perfectly justified in telling her to sling her hook! You need to be calm, definitely don't get into an argument because that will put you in the wrong which is never good, and be firm. If I were you I think I'd want to cut contact with her from a personal viewpoint and only contact with baby-related things. Think you really need to make sure that you have your husband's support and explain to him why you're so upset, as he's probably the best person to stick up for you to your mil, same way as he defends her to you.

So (sorry being nosey now), is it the age difference she has the problem with? I ask because I've been with my hubby since I was 19, and he is 25 years older than me, but both our families were fine with it once they saw us together and realised that (a) I wasn't a stupid kid taking him for a ride and (b) he wasn't some kind of pervert ogling a teenager. I just can't imagine either side acting like your mil has. We've been together 8.5 years now (married 6.5) so we must be doing something right, and obviously you are, too, to have come through all this opposition.

Thank you so much for the advice it has really helped.
My husband says that she is only like that because this will be her first grandchild and she only wants the best for it. But its my baby, not hers! She even wants "her own buggy" to keep at her house for when she has the baby. Is that normal?

is your husband her only child by any chance? cos if so it would tell me that she regrets not having more children and that now hers are all grown up she cant control them as much as she would like to so by having even a buggy of her very own its her way of saying look im in control of this too, i personally cant see any harm in her having her own buggy if it makes her feel better and keeps her off your back (as long as she isnt expecting you to pay for it)it will also make her feel like she is doing her bit, but you have to let her know that although you are grateful for her help this is YOUR BABY NOT HERS!!

good luck with it all
Much Love
Leitia xx

Hi Leitia,
She has three children, The other two are not interested in ever having children though, so maybe you are right there!
I just think it would be a nicer thought from her to offer to put some money towards getting us a nice pushchair instead of us struggling to buy one along with everything else thats needed? Next, she is going to want her own nursery!

People are too obsessed about breastfeeding nowadays, everybody tells you its best and the most natural thing to do so if you can't do it you feel like a complete failure. I tried to breastfeed my first baby but he would have none of it, I had plenty of milk but he would not suck, all the midwives drove me crazy and I felt so bad and got in a right state about it and left hospital early. I expressed for 2 weeks til it became too hard then gave him formula, he is almost 2 now and is and always has been completely healthy and happy.
By all means try it but don't let it worry you and certainely don't let anyone pressure you. You are not being selfish at all or a bad mother as if it turns out to be wrong for you then it is not the best thing for your baby natural or not.
Good luck x

Hi Yeliz,

That Mother in law sounds like a right nightmare!
Its really up to you as to whether you breastfeed or not. I wasnt breastfed and I am perfectly healthy!

Doesnt sound like she is much of an expert in that field either! Just take it all with a pinch of salt and smile at her, she probably knows your nervous about it so is homing in on it.

The more you show your not bothered the less reaction she will get, and she'll probably give it up in the end!

Dont let anyone make you feel bad, stop giving them so much power, its up to you what you do at the end of the day! Its your body and your baby.

Just dont worry and try to put some distance between her and you if you can.

Best Wishes,
Natalie xxx

Heya Yeliz,

i tried breast feeding with my first and it was a nightmare as it made my boobs hurt, im the same as you ive always had very sensitive nipples and i found it quite painful, i ended up bottle feeding and im now pregnant with my 4th and so far all 3 of my kids have been bottle fed and they are all healthy and the two who are at school are doing very well academically (unlike me and my awful spelling)they have never suffered for not being breast fed, and yes in the begining i felt like a failure but if it hurts you and causes you stress then its not going to be good for you which in turn wont be good for the baby...just do what feels right for you this is your baby and your body dont let anyone pressure you into doing something you dont want.

good luck with everything
much love
Leitia xx

At the end of the day it is up to you what you do,don't worry about what your mother in law will think.I didn't breastfeed my first,didn't even consider it,but this time i've decided to give it a try,mind you i will be mainly expressing it.If it doesn't work out then i will move onto formula,doesn't make me a bad mum.And yes i am abit nervous about breast feeding,the sore/cracked nipples etc.... But i'll give it a go.And you are not at all selfish for not wanting to do it.

Take care
Beckie.xx