Hey - i am hoping someone else can give me a little uplifting advice... my boyfriend and are 17 weeks pregnant and he is not a bit intimate with me. I understood at first because its noew for both and awkward for him but I am starting to feel there is no love in the relationship - he talks about being excited about the baby but is never touching my belly or even trying to be close with me (besides having sex).

I am starting to worry about our relationship! I've talked to him about this alot and i'm not getting much of a response.

I'm scared of being in a loveless relationship because he feels obliged to because of the baby

hi ya all, have any of you ever read men are from mars, woman are from venus, i reckon its the best book ever written, its about men and how they function completely differently to us, things like when there is a problem us women like to sit and talk about it and the men... they just want to fix things!!!
men like to be told its great that theyv washed up, yet we do it every day as a matter of course!! fantastic book!!!

i think first time dads are usually quite scared of whats going on, im now on baby number 3 on a complete intimate ban because of complications, and my hubby is great but gutted lol!! hes finally realized it wouldnt usually do any harm!!!

funny funny creatures men, but usually during birth they are the ones that have this rush of massive emotions and they cry, and they are totally taken over by this new baby....

hope itll be the same for you all!!!
have great pregnancies x x x

Mmmm, men are complicated beings! I have come to this conclusion throughout my pregnancy! I'm 23 weeks pregnant and our sex life has taken a down turn although it's not drastic and I do feel he loves me.

I have found his lack of emotional response and excitement difficult. Last weekend I had a complete melt down and became very emotional and sad because I'm finding my own emotions and anxieties hard to deal with without support. He wanted to know why I felt sad and upset and couldn't fathom that I just did! He wanted to 'solve' it for me! After a long conversation I think he got that I sometimes just need a hug and to feel attractive again and he is better but not great!

I do think that it is impossible for them to know how we feel and that in going through this my partner is not always the person I call upon for emotional support. He finds being ubable to feel the baby very frustrating but there are very definate glimmers of him being very excited and emotional about being a Dad, they just do it in a different way! Invest in 'the blokes guide to pregnancy' for him. Might also help you understand his perspective, it helped with me.

Good Luck and don't worry, you are not alone.
Donna.

my partner is the same. he thinks that the only way to be close to me is sex. it drives me nuts! at the mo i feel really fat and starting to find that when im laid down i struggle moving around. im not happy with the changes to my body but he never reassures me. i have to make him feel bump kicking and make him kiss my belly. lol. he never really seems interested in the baby and i always feel hes leaving her out. lol! when i try to talk to him bout it, it goes through one ear out the other.

he made me smile this morning tho because i asked im why was bumps bedroom door open and he said he likes to go in first thing on a morning! i thought awww how cute. thats the first nice thing he has said bout bump.

i dont think it sinks in to there heads that there is a life growing inside you and i think its harder for them to bond with your bump. (this is what i tell myself) just keep getting on at him!

good luck with your pregnancy.
stacey n 22+4wk baby girl bump xx

Heya Hun,

My big sister had the same problem with her husband when she fell pregnant with her first, her hubby wouldnt go near her and it made her feel that she was fat and ugly, i told her to sit down with him and ask him why, and he told her that he was worried that sex would hurt the baby or that she would find it uncomfortable, when she said to him well why wont you cuddle me or come near me he said he didnt want to start something that he might not be comfortable finishing.
in other words your partner might feel that by touching you it would make him want to have sex with you and if he is feeling worried that it might hurt then he wont want that to happen,

tell him how you feel, ask him to tell you how he is feeling about it all, if he is uncomfortable talking about it then get him to write it down.

Us ladies forget that our partners are going through this too but its harder for them as they dont feel the baby inside them or have the symptoms, and bless them but most men aren't that good as expressing themselves without prompting

good luck with everything
Leitia xx