i dont really know where to start but here goes;

i'm pregnant with twins (27 weeks)and couldnt be happier about it. my partner is also over the moon and up until a month ago i was enjoying a really healthy pregnancy.

lately i've been suffering from bleeds and high blood pressure. i've been signed off work now by the doctor and have just completed 2 weeks of bedrest in which time my blood pressure has come down and the bleeds (fingers crossed) have stopped. i'm still at risk of having to have an emergency c section so i'm really trying to take things easy.

me and my mother in law dont really get on. she's constanly having little digs at me and comparing my pregnancy to her 3 healthy and perfect ones, making me feel like its my fault that my babies are in danger of being born early. my partner doesnt really see it and tells me to just ignore her.

anyway at the weekend she had organised for me a baby shower, i thought this was really nice of her and she took care of everything. when we were there though she presented me with a present, a card in which there was a letter saying how she had purchased a burial plot (big enough to fit in 4 coffins) in our name. i couldnt believe it, i just burst into tears and walked out and asked my partner to take me home, leaving my friends and family there. as soon as we got back home i was throwing up and have been in tears ever since, i get so angry thinking about it, how could she have done that knowing full well the complications i've been having.

i know that if my babies are born now they have a chance of survival but just thinking about this burial plot makes me sick. i cant believe she's thinking about burying them before i've even given birth! my partner is worried about my blood pressure again and called out the doctor this morning who says i really need to relax but i cant, i cant get the thought of this plot out of my mind and everytime i think about it i'm in tears. i know its not doing the babies any good but i cant seem to stop thinking about it. maybe i just need to vent my anger on here, sorry for this being so long but i just have to get it out.

katie

i feel for you so much.my inlaws havn't gone that far but they want myself,my partner and bump out of their house before its born.it hurts me to think that none of them really care about their first grandchild but i no it will be a case of as soon as the baby is born they will be all over it.my side of the family are the main thing to me (along with my partner obviously) they care about all 3 of us and i think thats just what you need to take into account.if you have a loving family and a loving partner nothing else should matter.

you take it easy now

xxxx

Just thought I'd let you all know that my second baby shower went much better, everyone had a great time, no mother in law invited.

That night though I started bleeding again and was rushed to hospital, I'm still spotting but its slowed down and I've been allowed to come back home to go back on bedrest. The most important thing though is that the babies are fine and there doesnt seem to be any problems with them.

This morning I received some flowers from my mother in law saying get better soon, its the first contact we've had since the first baby shower. Although I know the flowers are a nice gesture I wont be keeping them in the house, she sent a bunch of lilies (not my fav flowers or anything so she's chosen them herself) but a bunch of flowers that symbolise death and I'm not having them in the house while I'm ill. Again Zach thinks I'm over-reacting but I just can't handle her game playing right now.

anyway best get into bed
katie

what is with your MIL??!!!! She's either obsessed by death or REALLY has problem with you! If it's any help from what you've said I think she is playing games and you're definately not over-reacting to the flowers. Why choose lilies? Men don't always get the significance of these things but she must've know what they symbolise. Know it must be incredibly hard but all I can say is try and ignore her, it sounds to me like a big reaction is exactly what she wants so don't give her the satisfaction. Bin the flowers, go back to bed and try to console yourself with the thought that when your babies are born it will be your decision who gets the pleasure of their company.

Can understand Zach's approach, reckon he just wants to keep you calm and relaxed at the minute and don't blame him. Do think you're gonna have to talk again after the babies are born tho cos he needs to be able to see this from your perspective if you have problems with her again in the future. Can't help but wonder if maybe she's jealous, some mothers can't stand to see their sons breaking away from them and having babies is a pretty clear sign that Zach's making his own way in the world now.

Hope you manage to get some rest, all the best with your beautiful babies and don't let that spiteful old witch get you down!

Lotsa love, Clare xx

Like everyone else i really can't believe!!! your MIL brought you something like that as a gift!!!! - it was incredibly insensitive. MIL's are on occasion a law unto themselves and there have been times when I've not wanted my MIL to have anything to do with my baby when it's due (i felt like that even before i fell pregnant and my sister in law has declared all out war) MIL's can be a pain but rise above it, vent your anger on the nearest available object - i'm not saying that you're wrong in how you feel (i too would have hit the roof) but given time you may even be able to smile at the stupidity of it.

i hope you start feeling better soon.

Hi

I cannot believe what your mother-in-law has done, it was neither the right gift (i shouldn't even call it that) nor the right time. I hope you're feeling better now and I agree that your partner should stand up to his excuse for a mother.

I'm also carrying twins and have had a few problems with the pregnancy but now I'm due in a few weeks and everything is looking rosy. I'm sure that the problems you've had will soon pass by and you'll have two beautiful little girls. I know I'm haivng identical twins but we don't know the sex, decided to keep it as a surprise. Do you have any names yet?

Congratulations on your twin pregnancy and if you ever need to chat you can always message me.

Abi

Hi,

I can't believe that your mil has done this at this time in your pregnancy & a shower gift.

I believe she thought it was a good idea as plots are hard to get hold of nowadays & are getting more costly, but I definately agree it was the wrong time to do it. Surely if this was what she wanted to do for the long term then why not leave it for a few yrs down the line. Even saying that this is a personal matter which you & Zach should decide to do together.

You are doing the right thing by having another get together with all the rest of your family & friends to say thankyou.

I have a situation with my mother at the moment which is no reflection on yours at all, but she has had a christening gown & bonnet made out of her wedding dress, it looks very girly & very very old fashioned with peach coloured flowers on it. Yes you have guessed it, I don't know what the sex is of my baby !
It has even come to the point where we have decided if it is a boy then it either will not be christened (which is not what we want) or to put it off for a couple of yrs until the baby doesn't fit it no more !
Why she couldn't have waited until after I've given birth I don't know. As for the bonnet, if it is a girl it won't be wearing it !!!

All the best with your pregnancy, & please take it easy.

Lots 'o' hugs, Cath + 33wk bump

No offence to your mother in law or the christening gown but it doesn't sound all that nice. Maybe I'm biased because I'm not a peach person.

I don't blame you for not wanting to use it. Does your mum have one that you could use instead and that you can tell her that you have one in your family that has been passed down for generations and it very sentimental to you.

I think it's great that you've kept the sex of the baby as a surprise. Me and Zach decided to find out because we needed to be prepared and get things together, next time though i definately won't be finding out.

take care and let me know what happens
katie

thanks again

last night i decided i would hold a get together for my friends and family that went to the baby shower, to thank them properly for the gifts they bought, my mum brought them around last night and she said she'd help me host it, obviously my mother in law wont be invited.

i dont think she'll be playing a part in my babies life anymore and i feel awful for saying that, not for her sake but for my partner's sake, i don't like to put him in the middle like that.

katie

i cannot believe she has done that!when you have your babies dont let her see them i wouldnt and i hope you partner has has somethink to say to her about it.you r suppose to be resting and taking it easy and she does that its evil.hope you okay and dont let her nasty ways get to you x

Personally I would have returned her 'gift' with a catalogue for coffins, accompanied by a sweet note telling her she'll be shuffling off this mortal coil FAR SOONER than you - and if she even CONSIDERS bullying you again, you can arrange for it to happen EVEN SOONER!!!

I'm fortunate to get on with my MIL really well, but the downside is I don't get on with my own mum well at all. Just look at it as one out of two isn't bad - at least you've got someone on your side, is how I see it. I would call her out - she won't expect it, and she might just respect you more for it. Hold your ground, and you will feel much stronger for you and your babies - and when you've said your piece, TELL her that it's done, it's over and you have a life - and those of your family - to get on with, end of. She may just realise that your protective mum instincts are kicking in, and that if she wants to see her grandkids, she'll have to conform.

Good luck!

K x

The title I wrote above which was censored rhymed with 'witch' but was far more appropriate!

Hang in there. She sounds unbelievably daft.

Thanks for the messages of support, i keep going round and round in circles over it.

my husband says that at the end of the day it was a gift and if i dont want to accept it then i dont have to and we can just move on and forget about it. except i cant just forget about it, its the fact that she's taken time to plan this and thought it was a good idea after everything i've just gone through and to give it at a baby shower. i cant even bring myself to speak with her because i know i'll get worked up. i guess i just want zach to stand up to his mum and tell her how this has affected me and the babies but he says he's more worried about me just now and his mother comes fourth in line with me and the babies coming first.

my mum said that after i left so did everyone else and that their all disgusted with it.

we're expecting twin girls and fingers crossed they decide to keep put for a while longer, thanks again

katie

Hi Katie

I thought mine was bad!

It's dificult because she's ya partners Mother and alway's will be but that was completely out of order. Did she just not think about what she was doing?
She doesn't sound right in the head.

Maybe you should take up yoga or meditation to block that silly womans so called gesture out.

Don't share anything with her and you are right you and your babies come first right now she'll get her comeuppance because it's you with the beautiful twinnies!!!

Take it easy.

racheldee and Bean xxx

You have no need to be sorry for venting your anger. I read your message a while ago and my hubby and I can't believe it. How insensitive??
I think that she needs to be told about how awful this (gift??) is and how this has effected you. I think your partner needs to has serious words with his mother and suggest that a more appropriate gift would be a savings scheme for your twins- or something equally as positive.
I really hope you can shut out this rediculous (sorry can't even call it a gift) thing and concentrate on what is important.
Good luck - let us know how you all are

Annemarie, Andrew and baby boy bump XX

oh hun,

i am so sorry to hear your posting, i just can't believe it. Does she not know the impact she is having on you?

what does your hubby say about it? I really hope that he stands up for you or he needs to tell your mum how insensitive and absurd she has been.

I just hope you can relax hun, best thing to do is not to see her until your little ones arriv, so you can concentrate on the latter part of your pregnancy.

I really hope you can relax xxx

Heya katie,

it was very insensitive of her to do this to you now, surely she should know how upsetting this would be to you at this time, but saying that i can see what she was trying to do (even though the timing was horrifically bad), she obviously thought she was doing you all a favour by buying the plot for you and making sure it wasnt something you would have to worry about MANY MANY years down the line, but for her to hand it to you like that atthe baby shower and after such a stressful few weeks was disgustingly insensitive.

i know its hard hun but for all of your sakes you need to try and put this from your mind, if you need to write her a letter telling her how you feel, give her a chance to tell her side of the story.

If you need to vent anymore then please feel free to PM me im a good listener (my advice might not always be good but i try)

good luck with everything hun
Much love
Leitia xx

sorry to repeat other peoples comments but can't believe how insensitive she's been. Know how difficult it can be to get men to stand up to their mothers (my husband's the same) but at the very least your partner needs to have a quiet word on your behalf. They are his babies (and her grandkids) too and, whether she meant to upset you or not it's his responsibility to make his mother realise what she is risking by causing you extra stress. If he won't 'have a go' at her he should at least take her to one side, outline the possible repercussions of any unecessary upset for you and the babies and ask her to be a little more thoughtful in future. When your babies are here, healthy and happy, and you're on top form you can scream at her to your hearts content but for now you need to find a way to smooth it over, to calm things down enough for you to relax. Don't give your partner a choice, tell him what you need and make it clear that it is his job as daddy to sort it out. Sorry to sound like a man-hater (or is it mothers in law?!) cos I'm really not but you need his support now more than ever and he needs to learn that you and those babies come first now, even before his mother. Really hope you manage to get this sorted and get some peace before they arrive and you have none! I don't normally post on this board cos I'm still trying to get pregnant but your story caught my eye so I thought I'd stick my oar in, hope you don't mind. I wish all the luck in the world with your babies, take care hun,

love, Clare xxx