for several reasons I did not wanted at first to get pregnant, later there was too much work. besides we moved town and had to get used to living in the countryside instead in the capital city and so on....
now I'm about to be 45 and I want to have a baby but I'm terribly afraid. I have also thought of adopting a child. And perhaps mine would come later.
the risks of not being able to have a healthy child are bigger, I don't know if I can cope with a pregnancy... I have too many questions and so many fears.

Please don't worry about having a child at 45. There are more women now who are putting it off until later.

Now what I shall say is this to you, I am 34 now, and never ever wanted any children in MY LIFE But there does come a time when you realise that you have everything you possibly what in life and you look round at everyone and either they have got their children at a younger age, or, they are just having them now. In life not everyone wants them in their late teens early twenties!! as I felt too young and not like "I'd lived" life to the full. I personally think the older you get the wiser you are and you have much more patience, quote me if I'm wrong, but that's my personal thoughts as my parents had me at 40! Now that was in the early 70s and for my mum she was ancient!!!! Poor mum got so much stick from the MWs back then but thankfully she never ever looked her age so she got away looking in her 30s!! But her advice to me was that you have more time and patince BUT you do get quite tired as your not as young as you where. But never the less mum was a great mum and a brilliant advisor when I wanted advise. That's what I'd loved so much about her and she gave my such a love of life and to respect others and elders, that I never forget that.
So I say go for it as life is there to be enjoyed and loved at every given opportunity so now that you've done the living bit, settle down to the next exciting chapter in your life and have children girl!!! it will make you extremley happy and content!. Plus it will fill that gap which is missing in your life now.
I can't wait to have my little one, as I have only my dad now left and he is 74 so if anything happened (hopefully not for a long long time!) I haven't got anything to love and cherish anymore (well of course I mean I do have my OH, but you know what I mean as just someone who I look to if I need any help or a chat on the end of the line)
Life is short and you never know when it's going to end so please don't be scared as the MWs at your local materity clinic will keep a good check on you, like they do me as I've never had so good care! So don't worry yourself about that, you'll have a lot more scans that they will do and they will just keep a watch on you. There are too many scar mongers out there that seem to try and put people like you off, but don't as you will never ever have any if you keep thinking like that, then your life will be so lonely....

Take care and hope you go for it!!!

Lots of hugsxxx

Rach 32+3 wks Willaim kicking mulexxxxxxxxxxx

PS, PM me if you want anytime!!!

I'm 45 and having my first baby.

I had 2 miscarriages 2 years ago and after the last one just gave up.
Hubby wasn't too pleased but month after month when dear Aunt Flo arrived we were always a little upset.

At the beginning of this year, my husband said, le'ts book into a clinic. (There's a good one in Austria - we live in northern Italy so it's not too far for us).

About a month after I booked I fell pregnant!!!

The concerns about the baby being normal or not I think happen at any age, whether you're 45 or 25. You need to decide what you would like to do, should you find out that the baby isn't "normal".

Luckily, the amnio results came back good, so we're happy. DOn't know what we would've done had they not been good. I truly thank GOD for this experience and consider my baby a miracle

To cut a long story short, if you feel that you can face it DO IT!! Don't ever give up.

Take care.
L

I am also trying for my first baby. saddly my doctor is unsupportive and I have just found out that IVF will not be performed accept with doner eggs. So I am a little upset. I am now surfing the net to read success stories so I have read many and will now carry on to try and have my own baby. Good luck to you I hope your doctor is better that mine. I am putting my trust more in God and if it is meant to be then it will. you must also try and trust God as he will be beside you throughout

My mum had a baby at 39 with no problems at all, so I say go for it!
Gemma and Leigha

I was 37 and my partner was 39 when we decided to try for a baby, well stop using contraception and see what happened! I fell pregnant within a month of "trying" and it was a bit of shock at first, I didn't expect it to happen so quickly, if at all. I doubted myself at first as I was worried that it wasn't the right time, I wouldn't be a good Mum or be able to cope financially and with such a change in lifestyle. In fact I worried about everything and my head was all over the place for about a week, not thinking logically at all. Then I calmed down and went with it. Its the best thing that's ever happened to us. I do feel guilty for feeling this way now and it seems strange that I ever felt that way. I'm now thinking I should have done this years ago. My pregnancy went smoothly and we now have a beautiful three week old little minx who has her Daddy's looks and Mummy's temper! It feels like she's always been here and I can't imagine life without her now. Being a Mum is the best and hardest job I've ever had!

I felt much the same way as you did, when I was younger I wasn't with the right chap, I was working and having fun. I always said having kids would be "if it happened it happened, if it didn ... didn't". Most of my friends have said the same thing and we all either have babies or are now trying! And we're all the same age, so I really wouldn't let your age be the main deciding factor.

You might be monitored more than you would be if you were in your 20's, my GP wanted me to see an Obstertician as they expected there to be problems given my age - bloody cheek! But once I'd had my booking appt, 16wk scan and blood tests, I didn't hear anymore. Your risk factor for having a baby with downs or other problems goes up with your age but you could have a child with these problems at any age.

I say go for it.

Misschiefy & Elise (on her playmat as I'm typing this reply!) xx

I too am 44 and long for a child. For several reasons have not yet had a child. I have had three pregnancies and three abortions which I deeply regret - one of which was my husbands. I have desperately wanted to have a child with my husband and when we met he was very keen to have a child with me. Sadly, however, when I became pregnant 4.5 years ago my husband was still dealing over the stresses of his divorce five years earlier and trying to rebuild his life financially and trying to recover his relationship with his two sons. He became extremely stressed so I/we decided that I would have an abortion. Six months later my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer which took a couple of years to get over and he is now well again thank goodness, however, one of the outcomes of prostate cancer surgery is that you can no longer produce sperm so he cannot make me pregnant naturally. We banked some sperm before the cancer surgery so I can try for a pregnancy through IVF. I have supported my husband these past years in trying to rebuild his life and happily life has settled down a lot and is a lot less stressful. My husband's relationship with his ex-wife is better, less stressful and his relationship with his sons is excellent. However, he is now 61 years of age and I am 44. I have tried these past few years to be thankful for my blessings in life, for the fact that my husband has survived cancer. However, I still feel that something is missing, ie a child of our own. I have been too frightened these past years to go ahead with IVF - frightened because life was a bit complicated with ex-wife and children (grown up) from previous marriage etc and frightened because of the health risks of having a child in one's 40s and of being older parents. My husband is keen for me to try for a child and says that he will be very supportive. I believe in the phrase "do what you fear most and you will conquer your fear" but I have battled with this fear of having a child for the past eight years (we married on 2001!). I Don't know what is at the root of the fear - my own childhood perhaps. I went to see a councillor last winter to try to help me make a decision. I thought that I had made a decision - that at 44 it was not sensible to be thinking of having a child, especially when my husband is 61 etc but when I hear of other people at this age contemplating trying to achieve a pregnancy it makes me think again that maybe I shouldn't sell myself short and I should try! We are now in a strong financial position also so that's one less complication!

like you have really been through the mill. Personally I think you should try to get pregnant or you may regret it and not be able to turn back the clock. I really think that at 44 you are not too old, my mother in law was 45 with her last child and everything was fine. I think there are lots of advantages to being an 'older' mum. I am 36 (nearly 37), so not that much younger than you, and have a young family. It is hard at times but with support from your partner I am sure you will be a great mum. Lots of people are leaving it late in life to start a family and there are plenty of older mums out there. Your partner being older is obviously a worry to others but if it doesn't worry you then why let it be a problem? People stay fit and healthy for years these days so chances are he will be able to be there til your child grows up which is what is important. If we make our decisions based on the what if's we'd never do anything.

Lots of love to you

Tracey xxxxx

Hi, I am about 8 weeks pregnant. I am a bit nervous too. My doc (and older man) thought it was great and did nothing to alarm me. I was afraid to have a child as much as i was afraid not too.I did adopt a child; she was aged 6...long story short,my ex husband and I adopted her together and co-parent her equally.She is now 11. Given the age of her adoption and the circumstances around it, it was more challenging than fulfilling (although I am a bid supporter of adoption!) My new partner has 3 kids,18 and older (he was a daddy at 18). He is excited about the baby and thinks it will be easier at this age because we are more settled and financially fairly strong etc. I can barely type this because I am so friggin sick with morning (afternoon,evening and night) sickness. It doesn't feel romantic yet, but i am sure hoping it will at some point!Iwill be just shy of 43 when baby is due.
Taman4

I,m really scared, my first child is 22 years old i,m not sure what to think, I,m nervous,is it safe what can I do to make sure he or she will be healthy..

Hi there,
I have a very close friend who is 40, She like you decided to wait to have children. She fell pregnant just after her 40th birthday, and there at her 12 week scan was two little heart beats!!!!! She decided to have amnio tests to rule out downs syndrome, and was very precautios throughout her pregnancy! she too worried about her age, and if she'd cope!!!
I have never seen a woman deal so well with being pregnant, she really did glow. And I think her maturity helped her to cope with the stresses and extra strains! Now she has the most beautiful twin girls, 1 year old now!
So although there are a lot of health implications to being an older mum, I hope my friends story shows that there are also some positives too! Discuss things with your GP. I am sure they'll be happy to help x x x

"Hey "

Hey Carmen Im 34 and this is my 1st pregnancy. I think its a shock to the system no matter what age you are. What I did find really helpful was the trying to conceive part of this forum where there are loads of girls on there and some are around your age, ttc for the 1st time also.

Good luck! Sending baby dust your way! tc Sharon 19wks x