Mrs moo's birth story..!!!! : Discussion Board soFeminine

Birth story..what me! Please I got sliced and diced, its not exactly giving birth is it!
So I think my tale is more of a journey. So here goes...it could be a long one, so have a brew and several biscuits on hand.

After 6 miscarriages, the reality of number 7 being successful never really entered my mind. I prepared my self for the worse, even discussed with the Doc how I wanted to move the miscarriage along when it began, because there was no way in the world I was going to go into hospital yet again to have the pregnancy removed.

So when the pregnancy was still there even after some bleeding, Andrew (my Dr) tried to make me go for a scan, which I refused, but he did agree to take my HCG levels for the next couple of weeks to see if it rises and rise it did. So I relented and went for the scan. With my husband to my left and the translator to my right and the consultant stood between my legs with that bloody vaginal probe, I prepared my self yet again to be told the pregnancy had ceased, but I didn't even get that far. I had a panic attack in the chair, I remember babbling going on all around me and then the words
"Heartbeat" "Look Heartbeat" and there on the screen was the this peanut shaped grey thing with a bright white pulsating light in the centre...that was Lukas's heart.

So from then on life began to change. We didn't tell a soul, only our parents knew, just in case I was to go into hospital again.
Then the nausea started and when I look back I think how it made me ill, but I'm so glad I had it, because that meant the pregnancy was progressing.
Then came more scans which bewildered me every time, the SPD, the acid reflux, the pain in my ribs, the tap dancing on my "fu fu", the food..oh my I had days when I just couldn't stop eating. Gee's if the sofa had been covered in chocolate I would of eaten it.

But all the way through up until I walked into theatre wearing that bloody backless gown..I was in denial that I was pregnant.I feared that some thing would still go wrong. I had be hurt so many times before that I had detached my self from the pregnancy. I even it hid for almost 7 months thinking that if people didn't know, then when it went all ... up, I wouldn't have to explain myself and that's the sad thing, I didn't have the chance to enjoy my pregnancy as much as I would of liked. Gee's I hadn't even brought any thing, we only started getting sorted 2wks before the possible c-sec date. My neighbours must of thought I was having an affair with the city link man the amount of time he delivered to my house in those two wks.

So as I sat on the table waiting for the spinal block to be put in, I had another panic attack. This time I remember people asking me " So how excited are you?" and I replied the same thing over again, "I'm Not~I'm scared"..to which the looks on their faces said it all, total confusion. I was just about to have a baby and the fear in my eyes and the anxiety in my voice must of made them believe that they had a already depressed mother to be on their hands.

So as the spinal blocked worked and I was tugged and jostled into placed. I lay on the table waiting, then shaking and tightness in my chest kicked in, I kept asking is this normal, they kept asking "Are you OK?" and literally minutes later the MW said any minute now, the anaesthetist pulled the screen down for me to look. I told him I didn't want to, but as he did I saw a bum..not just a bum but a bum with poo all over it and from that moment on I LOVED that bum.Then they pulled the screen back up, I didn't know why at the time but it was because the cord was around his neck and then I heard it..the cry the biggest cry I swear I ever heard and again I LOVED that cry. The MW brought him across and put him on my chest and I could just make him out, but god did I feel guilty for not loving him sooner, he was~is so beautiful I couldn't wait to have him to myself.

The team cleaned him up and my hubby held him while I was being finished off and when they put him on chest, bare in mind I cant move from the boobs down and wheeled me to the ante-natal ward I was so proud I could see the nurses straining to have a look and I just wanted to say "Look he's mine"...lol.."He's min e".

When they say love is instant, it so is. I worship this baby and I'm so happy its unbelievable. This is the woman who pre-warned the MW that I thought I was heading for post-natal depression.

I'm terribly sore I have a bigger than average scar and my back is in rag order, but my boobies are HUGE and Lukas gets feed well and I have taken the breast feeding like duck to water, and as to yet I haven't had one problem. I've been fine, so fine I asked if I could come home after 2days, when by right your supposed to stay in hospital for about 5.
Lukas is a contented baby as to yet and I have purple/grey shading under my eyes, and I do occasionally wander about like some thing from the living dead, but I would change it for the world.

I love my son with all my heart and soul and he's never going to grow up. He's staying this little scrumptious bundle forever and ever

Mrs Moo xxx

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Mrs moo's birth story..!!!! : Discussion Board soFeminine - 1 December