Seems all I ever do on here lately is whinge and I'm so sorry it's you guys copping it again but feeling really low tonight and need to get it off my chest. My nan's been taken back into hospital today, long and fairly gruesome story so won't go into detail but she has a nasty abcess which they now have to operate on to drain, not pleasant. She's been so ill the last few days, I've barely been home again and the rest of the family (except my mum) have reverted to being completely useless so I've ended up so tired and down I just feel at the end of my tether now. It's taken both of us to look after her so neither me or mum have had a break in days, poor nan's dignity has completely gone out of the window and not to put too fine a point on it we've been up to our elbows in you know what since friday. She seemed better for a while yesterday but then I got a call at midnight last night and ended up back over there, think I managed 20 minutes kip in a chair and I've only just got home. Grandad's in a real state, worried sick and we don't feel we can leave him, don't think he knows what ... him. My mum's staying there tonight so I at least get to sleep at home but have to be up at 5.30 again to be back over there. So, I'm worried about my nan, worried about my grandad, worried about my mum cos she's not coping at all well with it all and most of all I'm worried sick about how all this stress is affecting my baby. I know I need to slow down and I know I need to put my baby first but how can I leave my grandparents to fend for themselves and they need me most and the only other option is to leave my mum (who I'm very close to) to shoulder all the responsibility when she's as close to cracking up as I am. On top of all that I'm nowhere near ready for the baby coming, nursery isn't done, haven't finished shopping for stuff I need, haven't packed my hospital bag and haven't done half the jobs that need doing around the house for when she arrives. Can't even keep on top of the general housework at the moment so the place looks like a pigsty and is none too clean, perfect for bringing a baby home to! I'm terrified all this stress will make her come early and then wtf do I do? Really sorry for moaning but really had to get that out, thanks for listening this is the only place I can vent at the moment.

Clare 33 weeks xxx

for all your suggestions and most of all for letting me rant! We're waiting to be re-assessed by social services and should hopefully get some more help once that's happened, only trouble is they've said it could be weeks cos they're snowed under. The district nurse is trying to speed things up but says she doesn't hold out much hope, not much help when we really need someone to do something now. Guess we just have to wait and try and manage for the time being, just wish the rest of the family would pitch in and take the pressure off me and my mum, trouble is I honestly think if we didn't do it they'd just be left to fend for themselves and my conscience won't let that happen. In some ways I suppose I'm making a rod for my own back but it's just so hard to make a stand and refuse to do it when you know the rest of the family won't step up to the plate and my grandparents will be left to manage on their own. My grandad's so unsteady on his feet these days, he's had loads of falls around the house and can't get himself back up when it happens. If there's no-one there to raise the alarm he'd just be left on the floor til someone came, doesn't bear thinking about. Will let you all know what's happening when I can, Nan hasn't even had her op yet although they're still saying it will be today. Thanks again for all your support, means a lot to me at the moment.

Lotsa love,
Clare 33+1 xxx

Ill show you a moan haha. wow you poor thing that sounds such hard work i think you have plenty reason to want to get it off your chest, you really need some more help, my GP does a carers clinic or something like that does yours? any way you can go to them and tell them whats going on and really get some help in, no way you and your mum alone can care for 2 elderly people especially with you pregnant, i mean as i said before my mum is a carer and some of the people she looks after are old sure but theyre not really ill, and they have about 4 different carers a day and sometimes my mum still comes in after a night shift worn out as they had her up all night, you just cant do it between the 2 of you. As family members are obviously unreliable and useless cant you get some help like the other suggested? its not good for anyone and i should think youre entitled to it, they rip enough off people with taxes they can jolly well help out when the going gets tough!
Please do get some more help or you and your mum will be quivering wrecks before long and need caring for yourselves.

If it helps to vent then go ahead! It's hard enough being pregnant without all of this going on as well.

Have you tried calling social services and telling them the entire situation? (lay it on thick about how heavily pregnant you are/ how no other help is available as they will probably only do the legal minimum but if things are really desperate they should do something - a drs note saying you should be resting may help?) It sounds like they really should be providing a lot more. Do your grandparents or any of your family have any spare cash for getting any private carers in? Also check if there are any other benefits (carers allowance etc) that could be claimed.

I packed my hospital bag in the early stages of labour and although I forgot a few things me and Ivo survived the experience. We also had quite a way to go on the nursery but it didn't really matter as he's still in our room now.

Thinking of you hon.

Stella xx

but have you tried calling Care Direct? They can give more advice about benefits and care entitlement. Sorry if you've already done this and it's pointless advice.

and moaning. It's not necessary.

Sorry to hear of Gran getting worse again. What exactly is going to happen to help them officially cos in a couple of weeks, you simply won't be able to do what you're done cos you'll have someone else completely dependant on you.

Try not to stress about the house and stuff. Every time I'm pg I think I want that done and this done cos won't have time when baby times but it doesn't get done and its not the end of the world as it seems at the time. If it's sorted it's sorted and if not you'll get to it.

Hugs and waves of calmness

Jen xx

you arent moaning at all, you have every right to be fed up, we're happy to listen !!

Go run yourself a nice warm bath and relax lady !!!

xxxx

I really feel for you, the latter stage of pregnancy is difficult enough without any added stresses or pressure.
I completely understand that you want to help your elderly grandparents, both you and your mum sound like lovely, compassionate people and in my opinion, the rest of your family should take note.
I think that this is really unfair of them and both you and your mum should sit them down and explain that a) you are a heavily pregnant lady who needs to relax and look after herself, tell them that you are worried sick that all this stress could compromise the wellbeing of your unborn baby b) its also unfair on your mum - if they all mucked in then this would ease the pressure for her too.

I honestly think that this is a conversation you should be having with them .. to be honest I cannot believe that they havent offered assistance, you should not be this stressed out in your condition

I know how you are feeling. I helped my mum nurse my grandparents a few years ago (i was pregnant too) and understand the emotional rollercoaster that you are on. Do try and look after yourself - even though it must feel like mission impossible. Its good to know that you have people that you can share your problems with and that there are people out there who understand - us.

take care,
love debra and 35wk pink bump xxx