Hi there,

I was with someone for 8 years from between 17 - 25. My ex always said no to marriage and kids all the time. Because I knew that these things were important to me and that he would'nt provide them, I driffted away from him. It was only when I left that he realised that he wanted the same, but by this stage it was too late. He has sinced confessed that he still does'nt want them and that he only said this to get me back. So had I gone back he would have strung me along. I'm not saying your boyfriend is like this cause he is still young my ex was 31 when I left. He may change his mind ,but I know how you are feeling, you just want some reasurrance that in time he will want the same as you. I am now 27 and have met the most wonderful man we have decided to get married and start trying for a baby next year.

I hope you can work things out.

Lisa x

As there are a lot of you posting here and many are pregnant I thought you would be an ideal audience.

Please give your thoughts if possible. Thankyou.

I have a house and two cats with my boyfriend of just over two years we are both 26 well just about. Not all been plain sailing, had a few issues and problems but are working through these and always maintain that we both want a future together and are very much in love. He is a very affectionate, loving and sweet man. He is thoughtful and sensitive.

We are in disagreement over having children. He is not sure he wants them and says he has never been into kids or ever really thought about having them. He says its not a NO but seeing families doing thing together just dosnt interest him. His had a strange up bringing and was brought up by just his dad and rarely saw his mum. He says maybe he will change his mind but cant saw he def wants them.

The reason It wasnt really a major prob until now was cause althoug in the early days when he talked about us getting married, i would say "no cos i want kids and you dont" and he said things like, well it would be a shame for two such good looking people not to reproduce etc and just kept saying this sort of thing,and how he wouldnt want to get rid of his precious sporty car, all lihgt hearted talk. You know not a straight no or yes. I wasnt really thinking about it seriously at the time being 23 but now we have our house and seeing others around me settle i have started thinking about it more, and so am getting a bit concerned and wondering what i should do? I really want to cause i am happy or do i cut my losses?

Should i just chill out? I did say i DONT want them now, and have never spoken about this to him in a pressuring manor. I have told him i would like to have a child maybe at 30 but he says he cant imagine it cos its only 4years away.
What to do?

Hi there,

I was with someone for 8 years from between 17 - 25. My ex always said no to marriage and kids all the time. Because I knew that these things were important to me and that he would'nt provide them, I driffted away from him. It was only when I left that he realised that he wanted the same, but by this stage it was too late. He has sinced confessed that he still does'nt want them and that he only said this to get me back. So had I gone back he would have strung me along. I'm not saying your boyfriend is like this cause he is still young my ex was 31 when I left. He may change his mind ,but I know how you are feeling, you just want some reasurrance that in time he will want the same as you. I am now 27 and have met the most wonderful man we have decided to get married and start trying for a baby next year.

I hope you can work things out.

Lisa x

I would suggest you get it straight in your mind what you want and when you would like children and then sit him down and lay it out for him. Because if he defo does not want children you don't want to find out when you are 30, you need to have time to find another partner. I know that this sounds quite hard, but you need to think about the long run, rather than a few months. Let us know how you get on

Hi there,

I think everyone has a lot of choices to make when it comes to having babies, but I know in my experience that my fella has never been into kids at all, to the point where we have been to family christenings and he wouldn't even hold them. He has told me time and time again he has absolutely no interest in children at all. Like you this didnt really bother me as I was still in my late teens early twenties.

But now things have changed, like you we have bought a house, got a dog, both have jobs and I was starting to look at things differently. We have been together since I was 16 and he was 19 and now I'm coming up to 25 so almost 8 years and I needed to know that we were headed in the same direction because to me not having children in my life is totally out of the question. I didnt want to think I was pressuring him into anything but over the last couple of years I dropped it into the conversation more and more and he started to think differntly. ( I really dont think this way due to me, I really think it was his decision alone)

I think in your situation it might be since you are the same age, my fella is coming up to 28 now and has just come to terms with the idea of having children, even though I know I have been ready for a few years. I think they just need a little more time, especially if you have said you would wait until you're 30, a lot can happen in 4 years, like I said he changed his mind completely in 2 and is totally excited about the idea of having our baby around December time.

I think you should just give it some more time, if you get to 28 or 29 and he still seems adamant, I think you need to let him know how you feel and weigh up how much you want children vs how much you want him, to be honest, regardless of how much I love my fiance, if he were to say he NEVER was going to have children, I would have to leave, it might be selfish but I could never give up my chance of having babies.

But then again you might be plesantly surprised, and the end of the day the majority of men want to show the world what men they are, that they are so virile and macho and have managed to reproduce!!!

I hope this helps, as this was just my experience,

Take care
xx

My Husband was very much like your man. He was raised by his dad, his mum left when he was 2 years old, and he has never been into kids at all.

He's always said that he wasn't interested in kids etc, and was never sure he'd want kids of his own.

That was until my Nephew was born a year and a half ago. He's been completely different since then and loves our nephew, helps babysit etc.

His whole attitude towards kids has changed, and we've been trying for our own for the last 7 months. Nothing's happened yet, but here's hoping soon!

All I can suggest is have an open discussion with your man, where you're both able to talk openly without any judgement. It's best to know where you stand if it's something that's really important to you.

Take care