What to expect...

I am 29 and had unprotected sex with my husband (32 y.o.) for 10 years now. But real trying for baby started 3,5 years ago. Especially last 6 months we thought we did everything we could. Vitamines, healthy living, exercise, lots of love and relax, ovulation kits. It never really occured to us that there could be a problem, but very suddenly I feel that I HAD ENOUGH! My periods are and always were regurlar, I hardly get ill.... so what is wrong? My husband had some sort of key hold surgery to improove his count and it did help apparently. But that was years ago.
We are scared to go to Dr.. Worried what he might say or do to us. I never been to any gynecologist or so.
I bet everybody is shouting GET YOURSELF TO Dr. GIRL!!! And I will, but we both would like to know what is the prosedure. What could be wrong. What to expect.
Please help!!!

My experience...

I always had long cycles when I wasn't on the pill, no one ever worried about it.
When I went off the pill for the last time to try for a baby, I didn't have a period for a year... I just kind of hoped they would start again but finally went to the dr. to find out what was going on and hopefully fix it.
What he did:
- Blood tests to test hormone levels (were out of whack!)
- Internal scans (ultrasound) to see what things looked like e.g. ovaries, uterus etc.
Turns out I have polycystic ovaries, and probably never ovulated regularly my whole life (who knew?).
What he did to fix it:
- some tablets (forget what - a lacking hormone) to get my periods started again, after the first they "worked" on their own
- Clomid to get ovulation started again
- eventually after 6 months time with continued sex during appropriate times combined with confirmed ovulation (confirmed via day 21 progesterone blood tests) & still nothing, then did:
- a larascopy was done to make sure a) tubes weren't blocked (was fine), b) check for endometriosis (was fine), and c) any thing else (removed a small benign lump from uterus which could have prevented implantation).
Then a few months after that, a successful pregnancy - so time consuming but worth it, it was at iterative process that took a long time, mostly non invasive (except larapascopy, but was only done when other things confirmed correct and it was needed to see what else could be the issue) requiring patience, but hey you obviously have patience in spades so you will have no worries! Good luck.

Hard work

Thank you *marabsky* for your message. It does not sound scary at all. Thanks again.
I just blame myself for ignoring this problem when I read messages from ladies who worry afer just few months of trying for a baby.
We are not English and have not got anybody here in UK to talk about personal stuff like that.I am so gratefull that we have got internet now - magic, what you can find on it. Ha, ha...
Once I heard somewhere that we spend half of our productive life by trying not to get pregnant and then the other half by trying to get pregnant. I did not understand,but I do now.
It is hard work. Especially emocionally. Altough having said that, I must admit that it brught me and my husband much closer together, if not anything else.
Best of luck.

Good luck to you too

Well we do live in an instant society - we all want everyting to happen NOW - but life is not like that! It can be hard to be patient and positive, but the alternative is no fun at all (and bad for your health, not to mention everyone else around you!).

The wonderful part is when something difficult can draw you closer to your husband. To a long life with our husbands, our best friend, because together we can face anything! And keep enjoying life in the meantime, even if we are waiting for something special to happen.

And what about men?

My *other half* is wondering WHAT ABOUT HIM when he goes to GP. We think they will just ask for his sperm sample and will send it to labs. Is there anything elese he should expect?
Thank you.
By the way you sound very experienced and calm person.
Bye

The 'man' process...

Yes, they test the man too - for obvious reasons!

The main problem with a sperm sample is that it can't be more than 2 hours old or somethign like that... They gave us the choice of either having my husband go to the lab and 'produce' his sample there (he was not keen on this! At all!), so they gave us the vial etc. and he did the sample at home, and I rushed it to the lab head office where they actaully do the processing.

Ha ha of course lots of traffic jams etc that day but anyway I think they are conservative on the 'viability' time because even though I got there late, they took it anyway, and it came back ok in our case.

So unless you dr. is in the same building as the main lab facilities (the normal 'satellite' offices where they take bloods etc. normally isn't good enough) you wil probably have to do something similar - just because of the time frame factor.

I'm not really experience or calm - buy my husband is very easy going, and he has been a good influence on me!

Also my best friends husband left her after they had their baby, obviously there are many reasons why but a factor was he felt alienated from the 'baby making' process as she was rather driven and single minded about it. I'm not saying she did anything wrong, but in the end he didn't feel like a very unimportant person in her life - which was very sad, because he was and is. But all he could see was her focus on the baby.

So I worry when I read about people who seem to lose their balance in life, and are frantic when things don't go as quckly as they feel they should, because it can turn a wonderful thing very sour.

Ha, ha...

I can vizulize my hubby sitting in the trafic jam with his "cup of joy".... PANIC, STRESS, and then just NERVOUS BRAKEDOWN... We had good lough at that.

Hm... yes, I suppose it can be tricky situation. Men do not get that horrible feeling of desperation for a baby - hormones. It can turn any woman to a demanding, inpatient & moody monster. Fortunatelly my man loves reading and educating him self and it helps him to understand what I might be going through. Also talks hart to hart help and KEEPING BUSSY - thanks God for good old hard work, ha, ha...!

Sorry to hear about your best friend. Is there any chance they might get back together?

Back together

No, I don't think so. If they do it will be a happy miracle, but by the time he comes to his senses (if he ever does), she will have moved on by then (how long is she supposed to wait & hope? Its soul destroying). They are finalising divorce issues now. He lives around the corner and they see each other all the time because of th child. Its been very hard for her.

It really sucks because my husband is also best friends with her soon-to-be-exhusband!! What can you do, but go on?

Gp

Can you imagine being in their shoes? I toally can not. My little, happy life would end. I am lost if I do not see my husband for a few hours when he goes fishing without me. Since I red about your friend I choode my words very carefully - in front of my husband. I do not want him to feel that he is less important in my life and all I want is babies.
You mentioned earlyer that you have managed to get pregnant. Have you got one or more children? (You do not have to answer if you do not want)

By the way. Today I decided to make a appointment to see my GP. After holding the phone for a half an hour a finally dialled the no. I was told that my GP is on holiday (good for her), and so I pannicked and instead of making appointment with somebody else I sayd that I will ring later. I really want to see my GP, or do I? I have seen her only once when I redgistred with her. I need to sleep on it. Time is flying, am I wasting my time?
Anyway, do you think we should be going to my GP together with my husband, or should he be going to his male GP separatelly.? When you went, did you not feel imbaressed? I bet that when I finally get to GP I will say that for example I did not feel well but I AM JUST FINE NOW and will run home to bery my head into the sand.....ha, ha...Or if I am there with my husband I might say HE WANTED TO SEE YOU...ha, ha...

Gp etc.

No other kids - I am 39, hubby is 34 this is our first, I am a late bloomer ha ha took a long time to settle down (met my husband when I quit work and travelled for a few years, I'm from Canada now live in South Africa, been here with him for 10 years now).

When I came here had to start over w/doctors etc., found a GP I rarely saw (annual pap test, pill prescription & thats about it), when I went off the pill and my periods never came back I went straight to a local gynacologist (recommended by my best friend in fact) who seemed to have good success in helping people with difficulties conceiving. He's not a fertility specialist in the sense that he does serious fertility treatment like IVF or stuff like that, but he has a good track record of helping women conceive. He also delivers babies so he can help the whole way.

I probably could have gone to my GP, but it seemed like this gynacologist would have more expertise in reproductive health - and it certainly seemed to work so I am happy.

So based on my experience, it might be useful to find a gynacologist who has good experience in basic fertility support, rather than rely on your GP (not that many GPs are not fantastic and may have most or all of the same skills and knowledge). What your GP may not have is ultrasound equipment etc. to do scans and see if all is well with your reproductive parts! They may not be quite as au fait with hormones etc. and testing for appropriate levels and taking action to balance them if required. Look - its not like I'm an expert - I've only had one experience very late in life, its just happened to work out quite well - but just cause it worked for me doesn't mean its the best or only way!

I say go with your husband, if he wants to go with you especially on the first visit. You might have to talk to the dr. about the mechanics of your periods, cycles, discharge and all those boring intimate details in front of him, don't know if that would leave either of you feeling you've revealed/heard too much!! I didn't go with mine in the beginning, but I think he would have liked to have been there at the start. It depends on you and him, I think.

I totally didn't feel embarassed but when I go the dr I feel kinda detached like I am discussing a project at work - I hate not understanding things and I ask all kinds of odd questions. Fortunately I have a very nice dr, but if he wasn't nice and didn't answer my questions - I would have found a different one who would. Some people don't like male drs but I don't care either way - I had a very unfriendly/brusque female dr as a kid (who terrified me!) so I've had the bad luck to have a bad experience there. But it actually makes me appreciate any doctor who speaks to me as a human being rather than a number.

Whoever you see just tell them the truth - you guys want kids, nothing is happening and you want to find out why not. Apparently the definition of infertility is having unprotected sex for a year without conceiving, so you have every right to ask someone to look closer to see if there is a reason nothing has happened for you guys yet.

And if they have to poke and prod your nether regions to do so, so what - its their job! It nothing to be embarassed about, they have seen and heard it all. There job is all the strange and sometimes icky things that go wrong with our bodies, I guess someone has to do it!

So good luck - don't worry I'm sure you've got lots of time - look at me I left it to very late and its all working out.

Info

I have been fishing for some info on net, and I found some realy good deals. For example ovulation tests 40 of them for upto £20, pregnancy tests and home fertility tests and other products at very good prices. We have spent a fortune on ovulation tests, I wish we got the internet earlyer !...
www.accessdiagnostic.co.uk
xxx