Hello lizzy,

I am sorry to offend you. It is not your fault.. I just had a "bad day" and should have chosen my words more carefully. I wish you and your husband so much luck for the future, I really do.

Kindest regards,

claire. p.s. It is no way "self inflicted", just a personal choice people make in life for the better but sometimes find it's not all that easy. I am sorry again.

Now, this may cause some serious controversy but I do not care....just want to voice my opinion and I am sure there are women who agree with me anyway.

I am 22 years old and have just fallen pregnant with my first ( lucky for me). I chose to fall pregnant at this stage of my life after alot of thought and discussion with my 34 year old fiance. I could have waited longer, I could have set up my buisiness and worked well into my thirities but why??? It seems like the "thing to do" is to have children when your'e nearly 40 these days?? I think that is ridiculous to be honest and so does my partner. I realise that everyone has different life circumstances but you have no idea how many women in their thirties tried to talk me out of becoming pregnant now!!I laugh at them in pity.

I don't want to be another one who has to undergo several cycles of IVF before falling pregnant....I don't even believe in IVF. I also don't want all the horrid pregnancy complications that comes with concieving later in life.You never really heard of such non - sense 20 years ago when women were having babies in their twenties and taking mmotherhood in their stride. That's the way it should be!I have met many bitter women through my work who just cannot fall pregnant as they waited tooooooooo long. Self inflicted infertility I say, adopt!.I HAVE NO SYMPATHY. No wonder the Australian government no longer suppports IVF. Today women chose to work, travel and establish themselves independantly for years then expect to fall pregnant when nature says "too late". That's as a result of women burning their bras! It confuses some men let me tell you - the way we are today, but that's another story.

I have so much energy now, I can't think of a better time to be pregnant!! It's amazing.
I proudly choose to be a mum now ,although,unlike some women my age, I have travelled overseas alot and have a well established career which I can return to later. I just shake my head and smile at those "jealous" women who look at me with raised eye brows when i say I am pregant, they say "how old are you?". (I feel quite proud actually.)

"Old enough to be a mother thank you!!!!!" How is it any of their business anyway? I should ask the same question to those in their late thirties who are pregant and over the hill, and ask with raised eye brows....how old are you? Wow, can you imagine the response then?.

oh well, that's the way the world is now. You have to nearly look like grandmother while pregnant to avoid a second glance or a judgemental comment......abit sad really.


(In saying all this, I have met some beautiful women who are in the age group I have mentioned, who are pregnant, through IFV too, or have children and think my decision is wonderful. I am not being nasty about people but making a comment on how many people react to my situation, in general. Unfortuntely, I get many negative responses and want to get this off my chest! My negative attitude is only as a result of the way I am made to feel, hope I did not offend anyone

comments?

I have to day I nearly fell of my chair when I read your post, I guess we can all have a bad day but just think of it like this:

I am 27 (young!) I have PCOS diagnosed at 22 I knew from a very young age that I wanted kids early on I didnt want to wait to have them.....my 1st doc never told me I had pcos till my 4 or 5 routine check up and only because I asked how come I hadnt fallen pregnant yet, he didnt go into any details just told me I would have to TRY harder and it might take longer.... 5 years later Iam still waiting and it looks like I have a even longer wait ahead, not to mention the heartache and financial stress, so I might end up having children at a later age than I would like by the mean of IVF and do you know all I can hope it that it works I pray it does.

Sometimes in life we have to think before opening our mouth. I (and thousands of women) would give anything to be in your situation PREGNANT!

Having a baby is a natural right that when its taken from you hurts like hell, so im sorry if some women that have had to go through IVF treatment have been bitter in your eyes, just imagine the pain I mean fiscal pain it causes them to even see another woman pregnant its a sensation you cannot control.

I honestly suggest while you are enjoying your pregnancy you take a second to think of the women who would give their left arm to be you!


Congradulations on your pregnacy !!!

XX L

Hello there,
I just read your article "Attention younger mothers..." and I'm appalled at your ignorance, immaturity and your innability to accept the perspectives of others. I'm an "older" mother, I had my first child at 36 and I'm grateful! Just like you chose to start your family at 22, I chose to start my family at 36 and don't see anything wrong with either of our decisions as long as they were made for the right reasons, under the right circumstances and with the right partner.

I'm now 40 years old and based on your opinion "I'm over the hill"! I can bet that I have just as much energy as you have. It seems that you're judging my generation as much as you feel my generation judges you.

I have news for you! You'll be 40 someday too and I hope, for the sake of your children, you learn how to be open to the lifestyles of others because "your way" isn't the only way and neither is mine.

I admire women who start their family at your age because I know how difficult motherhood can be and I couldn't have done it at 22! I was too immature and selfish and I needed to learn about who I was. I am living the life I was born to live and so are you (hopefully)! My "over the hill" advice would be to stop being so bitter about those alleged "stares of disaproval and jealousy" and start holding your head high and living the life you were born to live. You might find that those "stares" are more stares of pity because we "over the hill" mothers know that being a mother takes a lot more than high energy, it takes a lifetime commitment to educating your children and helping them be the best they can be. And all of that has to start with being the BEST YOU CAN BE!!!!! And we don't all learn that lesson at 22, like you to to have!!!!

I am quite frankly amazed by your post.

Congratulations on being pregnant, how lucky you are.

If only everyone was as lucky as you.

You "dont believe in IVF" - What stupid type of comment is that? Do you really think that women want to have IVF. Do you have any idea of the emotional, physical and financial stress it causes?
"Self Inflicted infertility" - is that why you think people have IVF? People need IVF for all sorts of reasons and at all ages and its very rarely "self inflicted"

I am a 29 year old married woman, who has been pregnant twice but never had the baby. I have just finished and failed my 1st IVF cycle. I do believe in IVF and I will try and try and try over and over again to have the baby which I feel I deserve.

Am I "jealous" of you? - Yes, of course I am, and any other woman in the world that is pregnant or who has had children.
Will I consider adoption? - Yes I will. But maybe I will wait until I am, in your words "over the hill" and "look like a grandmother".

Its a shame that in this day and age after so many women fought so hard to be treated as equals to men, that their are still narrow minded women like you.

I just can't believe what I have just read here. You sound like a bitter and twisted little imature girl.
I have a suggestion for you, as you have so much to say.
Why don't you go on The Jeremey Kyle show and voice your opinions.....see what kind of responce you will get there.

I think you need to have lived before you qualify to make so many rash judgements. Every situation is unique to the person experiencing it and no problem is trivial to the person enduring it. When life and motherhood throws more at you perhaps you will learn to empathise rather than preach. I am in that bracket you mention and do not have children. Yes I have pursued my job - teaching - not because I am ambitious but because I am fortunate enough to be in a job I love and am very good at. I did not delay having children due to my career ( although for every individual this is their own decision to make) - my misfortune was I met Mr. Right too late in life. Every year parents of children in my class thank me and say what a great parent I'd make. After 5 unsuccessful years of trying it hurts every single time.

I just feel for all the others like me who will read your message and feel the pain. You obviously set out to cause controversy. Well we are quietly dealing with our situation - with dignity and maturity - two traits you obviously need to work towards.

and also my mum has just turned 40 and is due in 2 weeks and her baby is completly healthy and she had no trouble getting pregnant.
.x

I know exactly what you mean about people judging you.. im 17 nearly 18 and i have a 7month old daughter.
1st thing people thing about me is SL*G, just for the record i was on the pill for a year and a bit when i fell pregnant.
During my whole pregnancy i saw my midwife ONCE! as she never responded to my calls or anything. personaly i think she thought she could just brush me aside because i was young and 'didnt know anybetter'.
After i gave birth in the hospital the first thing the nurse said to me was '' oh your only young how old are you?'' . could have been quite inocent but stil it offended me.
only one person ever stood up for me on the bus even when i was ready to pop! and that was a rather old lady so i told her to sit back down and dont worry.
they could sit there and stare at my bump but they couldnt offer me there seat!?
sometimes i felt like shouting.. STOP LOOKING AT ME..YES IM 17 AND IM PREGNANT NO I DONT LIVE OF BENIFITS AND NO I DONT LIVE IN A COUNCIL HOUSE!!! (which is always what people think about young mums!)


anyway.. i think..
age does not make you a good or bad parent. personaly i think im a dam good mum with a perfectly happy content baby. im stil with her father who is only 18 himself, were lucky and dont really struggle for money that much as he has a good paid job and im starting work soon.

so your young and having a baby.. my best advise to you.. PROVE THEM WRONG. and enjoy your baby (:

Hi,

Claire, can I just say how appalled I am by your comments. You may be pregnant and excited, but what you said is bang out of order and very offensive! From your comments you do not come accross as someone mature enough to have a baby, even at 22, because you do not have a clue what some women go through, even from a young age.

I feel I have every right to say this to you, because I am a young mum too. I have 4 children and I had my first when I was twenty.

I am so lucky and blessed to have found my life love so early on and to have even had children at all, because I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries when I was 18. It was mine and my husbands reason for trying early for children, because I knew that my mum (who also has polycystic ovaries) had three miscarriages when she was in her late twenties and I knew it was better for me to try then, rather than later. I was so blessed to have my children and I know that many other women like me will not be so lucky and do not need immature people like you rubbing it in their faces.

I notice you are also with a man 12 years your senior... meaning he was 22 when you were 10... I think you are deluding yourself that you will have it so good... who's to say he won't want a woman after you've had your baby and leave you single and regretting it?? Sorry, don't mean to offend!!!! Is my point made???

Women need IVF for all kinds of reasons, not just their age or "self inflicted" infertility as you put it.

Yes, it may be good to be a young mum and yes it may have some advantages, but it is also good to have a modicum of maturity to go with it!!

And sweetheart, if you think being younger makes pregnancy and labour any easier, you are wrong there, because I had a post partum haemorrhage after my first was born. Every woman and every pregnancy is different and when, why and how other people choose to have their children is their choice alone and none of your business.

Finally, you came here complaining about people judging you every day, but you came here and judged every older woman and every IVF user without a second thought... you need to go away and think about wether you are mature enough to have your baby if you can behave so cruelly and irresponsibly towards other people who suffer pain every time they have a negative pregnancy test... whoopee for you honey aren't you just so lucky!

I suspect that is why you are judged by people!!

Claire.

People are diferent, im 23 and ive been trying to get pregnant for 3 and a bit years. Me and my husband are undergoing fertility treatment at the moment. So people can have problems at any age it does'nt matter when you start trying. It took my mum 10 years to get pregnant with my little sisters and she started trying when she was about 27 so she ended up being older than she had planned. So lucky you.

It seems to me like miss high and mighty should have thought about getting married before she accidently got preggo and had to come in here trying to justify her pregnancy at such a young(hahahaahah)age. You say its not anyones business about your age well the same could be said to you as well.

hi, I read this thread and although it's older I feel like I have to comment on this. First of all, I agree with what other women have written here. I'm one of those career women who postponed childbearing until the age of 30, but not because of career. I simply didn't have a partner to have children with. when I finally met my partner i was 29, we planned childern in a few years time. then suddenly a year after we met I was operated for ovarian cysts and was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was strongly recommended not to postpone childbearing because due to my age and the condition an IVF treatment would be the only solution afterwards. I tried to convince my partner into having children straight away and not in 3 years, so as to slip IVF, but he wouldn't go for it. to make a long story short, I did get pregnant and had my child but my partner made my life a hell claiming that I tricked him into pregnancy and that he would have never had unprotected sex with me if he knew that we would get a baby half a year after my operation (he was convinced that I'm totally infertile and that it would have taken us years to achieve conception, which is often case with endometriosis patients.) so you can see how lucky you are that you don't have such a jerk.
endometriosis often runs in the family and six months ago my 24-year old cousin on my maternal side underwent laparoscopy and was diagnosed exactly the same grade of endometriosis. doctors urged her to start having kids early for she is a possible IVF candidate. she's now on hormon treatments and desperately trying to convince her boyfriend to get her pregnant. he took it almost as an insult claiming that he's too young, that they have to work on their careers, that he wants to travel. even his mother and his sisters think that my cousin is being selfish for asking her boyfriend (and their beloved son and brother) to get her pregnant, he is so young (also 24) and deserves to enjoy life before committing oneself. you can imagine how my cousin feels.
It's sick that society thinks a 24 year old couple is too young to have kids. so you're right to be pissed off when people look down on you for being pregnant.
but the real problem is that noone asks what role men have in family planning. if it had been like my partner wanted, I would have been forced to make an ivf treatment att he age of 33 because he didn't feel like being a daddy at 31.
the destiny of my 24 year old cousin with endometriosis depends in a way from her spoiled boyfriend who doesn't want to take any commitments right now. when he is finally ready for a baby, it might be too late for her because endometriosis is a chronical illness andyou never kno whether you'll be able to have children later in life.
I know some couples +30 who are undergoing fertility treatments simply because they waited too long to start a family and it was always the men in the couple who wanted to wait and thus turned their female partners infertile. has anyone asked about their responsibility in the case? I'm telling you that these women are now going through hell and actually they are not directly to blame.
so don't judge others, women are aware of the fact that their fertility wanes with time, but getting an education, establishing a good career and finding a willing partner before the age of 30 is for lots of us mission impossible.

Dear Claire

I wish to reply to your recent e.mail about mother waiting toooo long. You are very lucky that you met a man that:
1) you wanted to have a child with
2) wanted to have a child with you
at the age of 22.
My friends and I are all 30 something - 'over the hill' in your opinion and the majority of us are childless. The most important message that I would like to get across to you is that this is not through choice. Circumstances vary from, many of us getting involved with and indeed being deeply hurt by the wrong men to just not being able to find a partner willing to commit to having a child, and therefore we were not in the fortunate position that you are indeed in. Rather than to 'gloat' about your circumstances perhaps you could have empathy for the women out there who are focussing on their careers/travelling because they have not found a partner that they wish to have children with for a variety of reasons.
As a single 30 something woman who had been deeply hurt by a previous partner I found myself constantly explaining that I was not a lesbian!
It seems to be that far too many people are judging others when they don't know the whole story. It sounds like you have been judged and not liked it so why are you judging women in their 30's?!
You are very lucky that you have found yourself in a position that you have been able to have the choice and I wish you well. But, please remember that for us pregnant looking grannies, perhaps it would not have been our 1st choice but then you don't always get what you want do you? Your comments did offend me and I hope that you can consider my e.mail carefully.
Thank you

Having children is a blessing from God. The only that made me upset about your response was that you made fun of the women who cannot have children and that is not right. You could have been one of those women that was not able to have children and you do not have to be in your thirties to start having infertility troubles. So, in response to your response, it is very narrowminded. I am 25 and the reason I choose not to have children at this point is because I am not married, so excuse me if I do not choose to be another baby mama or statistic when it comes to being a single parent, ( not that there is anything wrong with that) , but I am a minority and I am tired of seeing many of my sistas becoming a statistic. So please count your blessings, be a woman, and try not to generalize.

I am not generalising. if you read my message properly i was just getting things "off my chest" I am just shocked at the reaction i get from the general public as I look "too young" to have a child to many of them. It doesn't bother me now but at the time of writing my message it got to me a little. Poeple can have children at any age. I just feel it's a beautiful natural "gift", for women to experience at any age. We don't need comments like "oh you look too young" or on the other hand "oh, she looks too old!". I am 23 for goodness sakes. It's a wonderful age biologically to become pregnant I feel, very normal and natural! I am sorry for those women who cannot have children, maybe they were in no way ready at my age, maybe they were even having problems in their 20's.

Now as for you rather silly comment. You do realise that you can still become a single "Baby mama" or "statistic" even when you are married, that won't stop your relationship from falling apart, what a ring and a peice of paper,no!! Marriage means NOTHING when you have found a wonderful man, who, like you, knows the two of you will be together for the rest of your lives and of course one day you will become married. Having a child is a marriage beyond any vowels or intent. If that's the ONLY reason you choose not to have childern at this point of you life then you better wait much much longer.

Many women "wait" because the right man has not come along. Others have to sort themeselves out emotionally. Some have fertility problems. Others have financial problems and do not want to rely on benefits. Some want to establish a career. Yes you have a point, delaying can lead to disappointment. But the other side of the coin is that many of these women have felt the freedom of life and travel, learnt the disappointments of lost loves and learned to stand on their own two feet in the world. If you have already met the right man and learned all these lessons, then you are very lucky indeed. But experience and compassion are wonderful things and to go through life and not cause pain are equally beautiful. Good luck.

Good- because it shows how wonderfully mature you are and how lucky your child will be to have such a fun mom...

I'm going to slink back to my cave of 'self inflicted infertility' and cross my fingers that your son or daughter doesn't go through what my wonderful husband and I are going through.

How could you not hope to offend anyone? Your smiley face mocks me and all the women like me.

I wish you every happiness with your journey into motherhood. How sad you could not see your way to keeping your counsel and not leave me sitting here once again feeling that it is my fault...

Hello lizzy,

I am sorry to offend you. It is not your fault.. I just had a "bad day" and should have chosen my words more carefully. I wish you and your husband so much luck for the future, I really do.

Kindest regards,

claire. p.s. It is no way "self inflicted", just a personal choice people make in life for the better but sometimes find it's not all that easy. I am sorry again.

If we weren't the world would be very boring and not very effective (if we all lived the same way, there is an awful lot of stuff that wouldn't happen, and many aspects of life that would not be lived).

The original poster was suggesting we should 'all be the same'. This is clearly not only impossible, but also definately not desireable!!! So don't take it to heart. It appeared to be merely rambling along the lines of 'getting it off their chest so they feel better about themselves', there is no need to take it to heart.

That said, for better or for worse we ARE all different - some of us die early and tragically, some become disabled, some don't have children. We don't have control over all of these things, and we must remember that. Life unfolds how it is meant to - for us. Somethigns we can change or influence, some we can't. The important thing is to never give up hope and faith!!!!!!!!

Good Luck to you.

I am one of the slow pokes who waited... It worked for me (I'm 39, my husband is 34 and my pregnancy is 32 weeks), I must say I am very fortunate that I waited in teh sense that otherwise I would have ended up a single mother (my previous choices in men were, lets just say, inappropriate!)... and I am not sure how well I would have coped (although millions cope very well). Sadly, I know a number of single (young and old) mothers who are having a tough time, mainly due to their financial situation.

Anyway, please don't laugh at others who may be struggling, even if their choices are "self inflicted" - they are living their life as best as sincerely as you are. Just differently.

We can only choose one path - and there isn't one which is 'perfect'.

Good Luck!

Hiya i am with u all the way in wat u say, my partner & i have been tryin for a baby for nearly a year, i am 2 n he is 24 i have been having problems & have been off the pill since jan 06 but no luck as yet but if we had left ia another 5 years we wud b no better off as of all the probs we r encountering. Nice one for writing the message it very tru x x