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Smackin
hi chick, my child is 1 and half an started hitting people i was in the same situation as you but my partner doesnt believe in smackin and thought i was wrong for wanting to hit him so i said ill hit him if i c him doin sumthn wrong n for him not to wen he does something wrong that way we'd c who he learnt from. He still hits now but only in his daddys presence h knows who the boss i now and understands that if he hurts some1 he'll get his bum smacked and sat in the noddy corner so he doesnt hit ppl wen in my presence. It kust goes 2 show that sometimes a little smack on the bum is all u need to lear a child rite frm wrong.
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You need to be able to do it when you have to
To all those anti-smackers out there I just need to tell you about how grateful i am to my parents that on the odd occasion they used it wisely. When i was 3 years old I ran across a main road near my house, deliberately disobeying my mother who was stood beside me. When she caught up with me she hit me me very hard on my bottom(I remember it!). I NEVER ran across a road again. Which is worse? An occasional smack or a child that thinks they can do as they please - sometimes putting themselves in danger?
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Nooooooooooo!
Dealing with your frustration by smacking , only shows him what to do when he's frustrated. Watch supernanny or nanny 911. Get all his toys in a box, and tell him if he doesn't hit he can have one to play with. Also tell him that if he is cross he must go and tell a teacher what has happened, because someone has been bad and she needs to know. If an adult makes him cross he needs to tell them or another respected adult too.If he hits.... the treasured toy goes back in the box.If he hits at school he misses 30 mins of TV...or sonething like that.
A big huge giant hitting you is horrible and will lead to worse violence as he fights back. Tel him how sad it makes you when he hits. Big BIG praise every hour or two when he holds it together. Debrief after school adn rewards if he boasts how he didn't hit in a dificult siuation. Tricky..but hitting never helps
h
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Soon to be mom...
So I don't have much first hand experience with kids (at least, not my own, not yet - not til 1 March), but I have lots of experience with horses (who have about the same emotional development as a very young child!). I am sure parents will tell me that I can't compare a child to an animal, but we must all draw on whatever background experience we may have....
My experience is thus:
- I usually have resorted to hitting when I am frustrated - it has little to do with the type of severity of misbehavious (in other words, it is more to make me feel less frustrated or like I am doing something to address the problem than actually an action designed to solve a specific problem).
- Usually when I hit, the hittee is shocked, withdraws, and is mistrustful of further communication. They spend more time wondering if they will be hit again rather than reflecting on why they were hit.
- It often takes time (from seconds, minutes to days) to erase the mistrust created by hitting
- Even in dangerous situations (e.g. the current behaviour must be stopped immediately or someone, usually me, will get hurt) its usually counterproductive to hit because it ends dialog and causes the hittee to becomes defensive rather than cooperative
- Appropriate voice (tone) and body language help alot
So I hope these experiences somehow will apply to my girl, when she comes.... I wish for patience, strength, and creativity in dealing with the many problems to come!!!!!
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Trial and error
As you said a smack on the bum or back of the leg never did you any harm, me neither! I dont think a lot of situations need to result in a smack but he has to learn that its not ok to hurt people and if thats how, then do it. He's your child and its your decision. Good old supernannys methods are great (naughty step etc) but only you know what will work for your child. its all a big game of trial and error, trust your instincts. good luck x
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I agree
yer i agree when i have gone baby sitting i have been aksed to spank kids if they don't behave, i know of older kids who are naught being treat liked babies like 7yrs old being forced to sleep in cots and wear diapers and being fed
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Naughty chair
I always remove my child from the situation and sit them on a naughty chair. It can be hard as children can pick up many bad habits at nursery.
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Spanking hurts more than you think
I don't agree with Spanking or Smacking or whatever you decide to spin it as. Please see this website from Toronto Ontario:
http://www.toronto.ca/health/children/discipline.h-tm
If spaking worked as a means of discipline (meaning to teach) then you would only have to do it once and never again...most people do it as a first resort because they are frustrated...not a last resort and then never again. Again, IF IT WORKED YOU WOULD ONLY HAVE TO DO IT ONCE!
JO
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Smacking
Hi I smack my little girl if she does something dangerous like runs in the middle of the road which she has done because she's only nearly 3 and if I put her reigns down for a second she runs away thinking it's a game. I wouldn't smack her for smacking me because it might be a tad hypocritical but I think you got to do what you thinks right as a parent. I don't know if I agree we should smack for anything and I save it for only really really bad things. And I don't see the harm in that I love my child but I'd rather her remember that if she runs off she's going to get a smack than run off and get run over or snatched! Emma xxx
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Don't hit!
OKay you cannot tell your child that hitting is wrong and you turn around and hit him, you are sending the child mixed messages. What he is doing is worng and hurts but you cannot do it back to him because he will just contunie to do it after you do it to him. It will become a cycle.
Sit him down and tell him that it is bad and everytime he does it grad his arm and tell him no the child will eventually learn.
Marlise
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There are times when nothing else will do
It never hurt me, although I do understand the current problems people have with smacking. Everyone wants to look right-on and progressive and say they don't, but I think plenty of people still do!
With regards to giving a confused message, as long as it is saved for a really serious situation then surely the child will realise that he has done something dreadful, otherwise Mummy wouldn't ahve smacked him? My son does.
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How...
How can you teach him that hitting is wrong by hitting him?
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Smacking
time out really works well for my son too. although smacking did me no harm how can a child understand if you say smaking is naughty and dont do it but then you go and smack them it will be confusing for them.
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Smacking
It didn't do me any harm either, but I think times have changed.
Maybe slapping him on the calves would be better? He definately needs to realsie what he's doing is wrong, otherwise he could develop problems relating to the other kids.
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Try to remove her from the group
Hi,
When my daughter was 18 month old, she went through this phase as well. I used to sit her down strongly on her own which made her realise that she did something naughty. She did stop after a month or so.
I hope this will help you.
Helene
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Removing her from the group...
Really worked with my kids too. We call it "time out" in America. Especially when I would separate them from the group, but wouldn't let them leave the room. I would make them sit in a chair watching the others, but they couldn't join in. The amount of time that they should sit out corresponds with the childs age, so if they are 2, they should sit out for 2 minutes, and so forth. It really worked.  I don't totally disagree with spanking, I don't agree with beating someone, but there are occasion in which nothing else works with my kids. I may have to give them a spanking once a year or so.
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Time out
that's great idea.
I think people are a bit too touchy about smacking, like you say, there are times when nothing else will do. A smacked-bottom never hurt me!
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Smacking.
I'm hearing a lot of people say 'well smacking never hurt me!' but yes it did, smacking hurts thats the point! What you all mean is it never hurt you long term. No I don't believe it does. My mum used to whollop me for anything and that hurt me long term but I don't agree with the lady who said 'thers always a way round it'. For the really bad things a smack does some good because children remember it hurt. I see alot of parents whose children are running wild and have no respect because their parents don't discipline their kids properly. I think we should be condeming those parents not the ones who care enough about their kids to actually do something about their bad behaviour if it's out of control.
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I disagree
I don't think children should ever be hit, having had a father who used to whack us round the knees with his belt (a bit old school admittedly). there is always a way around it.
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