When to give up?

Some of you already know me and OH have been having problems for some time now and it's getting to the stage where I'm really thinking about leaving. We're arguing more and more and even when we're not there's an atmosphere, can't even tell you what the problem is really we just don't seem to get on anymore! I know all the stuff about it being better for Kaitlyn to have happy, seperate parents than together and miserable but I'm really scared about how she'll cope with not having her daddy around all the time and being out of her own environment (I would go to my mums til we've got somewhere else to live sorted, don't want to stay here) and about his access after we've split, still haven't been apart from Kaitlyn for more than an hour since she was born and not sure how she or I would cope. Things are a little more complicated than before too cos he's started getting into real tempers when we row, to the point where I'm actually scared of what he might do, he's threatened me and threatened to take Kaitlyn which I know is more to hurt me than cos he actually wants her but it scares the crap out of me that he might do it, it would kill me. I'm not making excuses for him but will say that this is completely out of character for him, have never known him be threatening or violent before or I would never have had a baby with him and do wonder how much of it is to do with the fact that he's out of work. Just don't know what to do anymore, can't carry on like this much longer and have tried everything I can think of to try and put things right between us but nothing seems to work and I'm out of ideas now. Leaving just seems so complicated though, like I'm swapping one set of problems for another and I'm not sure which is worse, the access thing is what's worrying me the most cos I know he won't be happy with supervised access but it's really all I'd feel comfortable with after some of the threats he's made recently. Just don't know what to do and the worst of it is he's the love of my life, never thought I'd have to contemplate being without him but he's slowly killing everything I ever felt about him and that's breaking my heart. Sorry about the essay but I really don't know what to do anymore.

Love, Clare xxx

Hello...sorry to hear about your arguements and its so difficult when u get a stronge reaction from your partner espically if its in a threatening way.

I dont know your partner but he probably mentioned taking kaitlyn because he knows kaitlyn is your weakest point and he knows that this will hurt u like u said.

Have you considered going to counciling? atleast you'll have a 3rd person there encase things get a bit heated between you two and then atleast you wont feel so threatend.

If you really want to work at it really considerd counciling or like anthor person said write him a note just to say u need some space for a few days and you'll be at your mums if he wants to visit kaithlyn and to chat and arrange how your going to work at your relationship. Time apart can always help as it may make both of you realise what you'll miss.

Also im sure you've thought about it but imagian what Kaitlyn feels about all the arrguing. I know you say you havent been apart from Kaithlyn but maybe your mum could have her for a few hours whilst u and ur partner go out for a meal and discuss things?

So many opition and i expect uve done them all of them and more!

I hope u sort something soon

Lucy x

Thanks girls

I have suggested a break loads of times but he just sees it as a sneaky way for me to leave and not come back and then I get arguments about it not being fair for me to take Kaitlyn just cos I need a break and why can't she stay with him and by the time I've argued my corner about all that I'm too bloody knackered to go anywhere anyway! I honestly think most of our problems come from his insecurity and me saying I want to go even if it's temporary just makes it worse and unfortunately it's me who suffers then. I've pretty much begged him to go to his mums for a few days but he's convinced me and Kaitlyn will be gone when he gets back so he won't do that either. Everyone's telling me the same though, we need some time apart and if he really can't cope with a couple of days then I'll have to start with baby steps so have arranged to go out with a friend tomorrow afternoon, at least it's a start. Sorry for moaning girls, will keep you informed.

Lotsa love,
Clare xxx

Have you tried

putting it all in witing??

I know it sounds daft but when my OH and I have arguments I feel like he doesnt take me seriously so I write him a letter (this doesnt happen often) but it seems to work. He starts looking at things from my point of view and after he has read it we actually can have a normal, calm coversation about whatever issues there are.

Otherwise - and this is going to sound really harsh but you might have to do a runner to your Mum when he is not home. (I say that considering what you say about not being able to leave and him not leaving either.) Obviously leave him a letter saying that you have gone to your Mum and that you will not stop him seeing Kaitlyn at your Mums. I dont think this is the right thing to do but only you can gage the situation.

I agree with Aimee about him being the one to leave not you - but if he is that difficult - for Kaitlyn's sake I would temporarily leave.

Good luck Clare. Let us know how you get on.

Hey

me and my fella Kieron have gone through this very recently, i wanted him so far away from me it was unreal, being in the same room ... me off more then talking to him; it got to breaking point and i nearly said lets call it quits, and he went to stay at his mums.
i dont think its a good idea for you to leave your home, even if its technically his or anything like that; he should go away even for one night or a few; dont upset babies routine, just say i think you need to leave for a few days or whatever works best for your relasionship.
You going away would mean taking everything with you, him going away is alot less stressful and if it works out you really want to stay together its not gona be a massive thing for him to come back?
hope you work it out
Love Amie x

I agree

with Jen. Pack a bag and go stay with your Mum for a few days just to get your own head sorted and to give him space too!


Big hugs hun
XX

Oh no

that's cr@p Clare, sorry to hear about what's going on. I thought he was working again. It's always better for relationshis when they're out your hair for the day.
Can you go to your Mums for a bit? To view it from the outside. It's dead hard when you're breathing the same air to be objective cos everything about them p*sses you off.
I think if I was you and had somewhere else to go then I would take advantage of it and go away for a bit. Try and explain to OH that it's for some breathing space for everybody.

Good Luck, keep in touch Jen xxxxxxx