Hi hun
oh sammie, i so wish i could change it all for you.
when i was looking at siri all hooked up to those machines when she was first born, you and mya were in my mind and my god, you must be the strongest person i know.
you went through so much, it is not a surprise at all that you are down now. the first year anniversary must be the worst. and you are going through so much else. while your blue bump is a very positive thing that is happening to you, pregnancy does create a lot of stress.
have you and your partner been to any form of grief couselling? it sounds to me as though he has chosen the escapism route by gaming. i am a gamer - but while i now have a healthy gaming habit i have gone through stages where i have hidden in the games.
the fact that he has regressed to creating a mess like a 15 year old is also another possible sign that he is safer there (acting like a child) - if he is focussing on the games and losing himself in the relatively easy achievments in the games (they make it hard enough so you feel really good when you get there, but easy enough that you can get it relatively quickly). if he stops gaming and works out - then he thinks and feels. if he does housework and normal day to day stuff, then he thinks. the fact that he has changed so much i would think is a sign that he is grieving and just doesn't want to, he doesn't dare face it.
i didn't really know you much back then, but from what i saw you seemed to have a good relationship with him? i think losing little mya is going to either make you stronger as a couple or (if he keeps on the way he is) change things for you completely.
his cousin needs a serious kick up his selfish little backside!!!!
i think he needs a more gentle kick into realising that if he doesn't open up and get some help, then he will lose you. there is no way you should put up with behaviour like that. everyone has ways of dealing with things, but while everyone is entitled to a certain amount of time wallowing in their problems, when they have commited to a future - like he most definitely has by the two of you having your lovely blue bump, then he has to get himself in gear and accept that he needs to change things.
how much have you talked about mya recently?
have you spoken about how your blue bump arriving will remind you of mya?
and one major thing - have you talked about how scared you both probably are about anything bad happening to your blue bump?
god knows i am scared enough about something happening to our next one, and we were lucky enough that Siri is fine and well today. i dread to think how scared you must be sweetheart.
can you try sitting down with him and telling him how you feel - or maybe, writing him a letter - let him know that if he doesn't start to sort things out and really look at how he has changed, you will have trouble being the same couple you were. it's time he got his act together and started being half of the couple you were and can be. the way he has been is certainly not half of a relationship - like you say, it's like looking after a child, not sharing a home with a partner. if i were you i would give him a chance to get things together - but he needs to do it now. you can't afford to wait long for him to get things together. staying like this will do neither you nor blue bump any good.
just make sure and remember, while he has reason to be hiding in his gaming, he needs to start to deal with life as a grown up, he has responsibilities and needs to face them. it is not an excuse for him to keep hiding and treating you badly.
much as you love him now and how much you have in the past, you need to remember to put blue bump and you first. things like money and housing etc, all of that stuff is sortable, even if it takes some hassle. just put how you feel first, that is the most important thing.
so yeah, if i were you, i would give him a chance, but you need to draw the line somewhere.
i really hope he wakes up and gets things sorted for you.
you deserve so much more!!!
sending you all the love in the world hun
(((((hugs)))))
elizabeth & siri
xxxx
| 
with him knocking on door telling BF he needed to get back to london for work - so BF got up as he had work to.... 
