Nothing to do with babies whatsoever!

Hi all, I'm feeling really stressed and anxious and thought I'd ask your advice. It's all a bit silly really but is really affecting me.

I'm learning to drive...for the 4th time. I've never even got to test standard before as the lessons stressed me so much i'd give up but I really need to do it this time, for work and just because it'll make like easier. I dunno why i'm so stressed about it, I had the first lesson the other day and the guy seems nice and patient. I was on the toilet 3x (sorry tmi) before that lesson and was shaky and scared to death. I dunno how i'm ever gonna do it. I don't even know why i'm scared, i'm not generally an anxious person altho my last instructor was an ass*ole, but this one seems ok and i've been upfront with him about my nerves.

I've contacted a woman about hypnotherapy and she said that and Neurolinguistic programming (not quite sure what that is!) would help but it's £60 an hour and cannot afford that. I've tried rescue remedy but no use. My brother took a bit of Xanax before his test to 'take the edge' off his nerves and passed first time and my bro in law took betablockers which apparently some GPs will prescribe for driving tests and musicians commonly use for stage fright! I intially said no to any meds but i'm getting desperate. I cannot keep on like this, I'm stressed to the point of feeling sick all the time thinking about it, never mind during the actual lesson which is a blur! My next lesson is tomorrow and I'm terrifies already and have forgotten everything he told me last time.

I'm beginning to really do my own head in!

I feel really stupid and just wondered if anyone has been the same and passed and if anyone has any advice on a quick fix for stress. The ironic thing is is that as part of my job I teach anxiety and stress management but can't seem to apply what I teach to myself...crazy!

Ta for any help

Rach x x x

Aw hunni

(((((hugs)))))

Just wanted to say that I passed my test last year, I took 7 tests in 2 1/2 years and thought I would never do it!!!!! My first instructor was really sexist and rude so I found another. He was really crap too and I kept failing, had such bad nerves and would make really stupid mistakes! In the end after my 6th test where the examiner shouted at me and made me cry (!!!) I decided enough was enough and found another instructor, she was great and gave me so much confidence, she taught in a totally different way and my nerves slowly disappeared. (I even managed to pass when 7 months preg, with serious preg-brain!!) I'm not saying I wasn't nervous - but no way near as bad as I was with my first 2 instructors. I also used rescue remedy which was shite and had no effect whatsoever!

Also my mum passed her test aged 40, after learning to drive several times with various crap instructors. She had such bad nerves and she honestly never thought she would pass. I don't even know how many tests she took, on one test she failed turning out of the test centre. (She passed with the same instructor I did!)

What I'm trying to say is - you will get there, sounds like you have got a much better instructor now and I hope that will be the key for you too. You should find that with the right instruction, you will gain confidence and your nerves will slowly get better. I know it's terrifying being behind the wheel when you don't feel in control, but remember there are dual controls if you make any mistakes, and you will only learn from your mistakes - god knows I made enough when I was learning to drive!! But you will get to a point where it all just clicks and you will feel a lot more confident. I honestly never thought I'd get there but I did! Just remember to take as much time as you need everyone learns at different speeds. I am sure you can do it!!

Tons of love and hugs.

Rach xx + Holly 8 months

Hi rach

Thanks for that, I think i'd worked myself into a frenzy and my lesson was fine. I have another tomorrow but don't feel too bad. At the end of my lesson the other day, he told me not to put myself down and that i'm a good driver!! Not sure if that's entirely true but made me feel better so I'm not dreading my lesson tomorrow quite as much.

Well done on passing test with pregnancy brain...impressive! x

Aww rach..

I dont think i can beat Elizabeths amazing answer but thought i would give you a hug and say...

The thing is about the tests is that you can take it over and over again it doesnt matter - i kept telling myself this and passed first time through the whole test i kept saying "doesn't matter - doesn't matter i can take it again" still walked out the car with legs more gooey than jelly and sweat patches down to my theighs...

Learning something new is stressful but rather than give up take it slow - and keep having lessons until you do build up your confidence - is there anyone that can help you aswel - i had an old patner (was with him then) take me out and drive round an industrial estate - then a month or so before my test i bought a car and my step dad took me out - it really boosted my confidence having new people in the car with me...

You can also ask your instructor to bring along a friend (when your near test time) so that you get the confidence boost - theres nothing worse that someone watching you drive so it will be really hard but after you will def be a little more confident!

hope i help a little just keep at it and remember its not a massive important test you can take it over and over and over!!! (one of my friends took the test 12 times )

I'll send Mya to come help you!!!!!

Lots of Love Sammie, Mya Angel + noname bump 36 weeks today xx

Thank you sammie

for sending Mya and your lovely message, made me feel better. i had another lesson since then and feel much better, this instructor is very calm and honest and I do feel comfortable with him so fingers crossed. And you're right, so what if I don't pass first time, I'll just keep trying till I get there, even if I'm 76!!

How are you feeling? Not long to go!

Rach and Sam x x x

Hi hun

don't worry hun, we can sort this out

firstly it's not a surprise that you went t the loo - the fight or flight instinct is very strong and when that kicks in - when we are threatened - we feel the need to flight or run away so all the blood goes to our running and fighting muscles and away from places that aren't needed for such activities - like our stomachs. so anything that is currently being digested gets thrown out (as it were) as it takes too much energy. so sweating, high pulse, clammy hands, feeling light headed, tummy troubles, - all the same thing - it's your body kicking in and preparing you to fight or run away.

of course, this is great when faced by sabre toothed tigers, or even particularly big spiders, but not great for an activity when you need to be calm and in control. however we can reprogramme ourselves - this is where things like hypnotherapy, NLP, acupressure, CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) etc come in to their own. we can re-train our minds to be the way we want and need them to be.

NLP is bascially teaching you how to be self aware, notice patterns in behaviour etc and how you are thinking and feeling abotu something, then using different language and behaviour patterns to change that thing into a more positive experience/thought/feeling whatever.

a combo of hypnotherapy and acupressure (like acupunture but without needles) is great for things like this.

you can start acupressure yourself y going to www.emofree.com and downloading the free manual - it explains everything in there. if you have trouble with it call a therapist and ask for advice www.ilkleytherapies.co.uk is my mum's therapy business.

acupressure works very fast and is a method that you can use any time - so every time you feel anxious about it you can use the acupressure tapping and neutralise that negative feeling then and there.

you can do a bit of NLP and CBT yourself - just feel the difference between these two lines:

l feel nervous

i feel not as confident as i want to be

totally different? there is no such thing as a negative to the subconscious - so even if you say 'i don't want to feel nervous' or 'i am nt nervous' nervous is the work the mind focuses on and that is the feeling that is encouraged. if you say 'i feel confident' 'i feel more confident that i did last week' 'i feel not s confident as i want but i am getting there' - you will feel much better as your mind focuses on confidence.

your mind doesn't know when you are practicing or it is the real thing - so the more you relax and visualise having the perfect driving experience, the more you will actually achieve that. your mind will believe 'ah, it's this! i know this one! we've done this dozens of times and each time got better!' and you will feel much more confident about it. the same goes for negative rehersals - which is why you are feeling worse and worse. flip it around and start focusing on the positive and you will end up feeling great and having a great time

as you teach stress management etc you will know relaxation and breathing techniques - use them, then go through in your mind exactly what WILL happen when you start your next lesson - you will feel good, and really feel those feelngs of feeling confident, you are walking tall, your back is straight, you're smiling, really looking forward to learning new things and getting even better at thi driving thing.' go through it step by step - 'when i touch the door handle i will feel a calm envelop me, i will feel more and more relaxed the further i get into the car. when i plug the seatbelt in i will feel secure and confident. when i touch the steering wheel i will feel in control and ready to listen, learn and drive' all the time remembering that you have that support next to you - even if you are not sure what to do, the instructor does know EXACTLY what to do

you get the idea

oh things like 'every time i hear the indicator i will smile and feel happier'
'every time is ee the windscreen wipers i will feel positive and in control'
that sort of thing are great.

you'll be fine hun - you just need to flip those patterns and start using the mind the way you want it to.

and believe me, everyone who has a fear feels pretty silly about it - but there is no need - it's totally normal. the fun thing is that the techniques you learn to fix this become tools you can suse every day for other things.

feel free to pm me if you need anything i'll do my best to answer quickly but we are moving house soon and we have tonnes to do lol

huge hugs
elizabeth & siri
xxxx

Hi elizabeth

Thank you so much, that's a brilliant reply. have heard you mention it before but never read up on it. I've just downloaded the manual and had a quick look but i'm a bit tired now so will look again tomorrow. It looks interesting tho and I'm prepared to try it if it helps me out of this negative thought process I'm trapped in. It feels weird as I'm very def a glass half full person normally but just not in this situation.
I take it from your answer you a therapist? If you aren't you should be, lol.

You are fab, thanks and good luck with your house move x x x