Help, please

Had my second baby boy thursday morning, over the moon he's lovely, brother to 17 month old frankie. Since coming home Frankie has become a miserable boystrous tantrum throwing child and its not like him and now i'm balling my eyes out coz i feel so guilty about making him like this. Can't help thinking i've made a mistake. My hubbie and i are doing everything we can to be with frankie and spend lots of quality time with him it is difficult as i'm trying to establish breast feeding with vinnie so try and cuddle frankie when i'm doing it and give him lots of kisses then he gets a bit to rough near vinnie and i have to tell him to get off and all the tantrums kick off, what started as me and dom trying to include him ends up with us shouting at him. He's so lovely and funny and been my world for the last 17 months and now i feel like i've ruined a happy little boy. Its not vinnie's fault i know but i'm resenting picking him up all the time coz i feel bad for frankie. just shouted at my mother and upset her too she's now gone off, its all gone a bit pear shaped today. Is this normal to feel like this i hope its not the start of post natal depression i planned both my children and this is all i've ever wanted, why am i so upset and feeling so bad

kerry, frankie 17 months and vinnie 4 days

Aww hon

don't feel guilty. I had shocking baby blues when Sam was born, I even suggested taking him back (don't know where I meant to, not like he came from a shop!). I was just totally overwhelmed, tired and the hormones were a total bi*ch! It sounds like you are doing just the right thing with Frankie, he'll be fine eventually, it's very early days for all of you and i'm sure your mum understands perfectly and is just giving you a bit of space.

Frankie's not ruined and he'll soon love being a big brother. Just take it a day at a time and I hope you can get some rest. I haven't the experience as I only have Sam but I'm sure most people must find introducing a new baby to a sibling pretty challenging but it all works out and everyone forgets the shaky first days and lives to tell the tale!

My mum's theory with baby blues is that it's a positive thing that you go thru as you're less likely to get PND. Dunno where she got that from but despite having awful baby blues I've been fine ever since.

take care and huge congrats on your beautiful boys x x x

give it time..

Hi there,
Firstly I'd like 2 say a big congrats on ur new arrival!
Secondly, please don't get urself down. It is a very big change 2 everyones life when baby no.2 cums along!
I have a nearly 4 yr old and a 15 wk old baby. I was also anxious that I wasn't givin older child the time she used 2 have even though she had more if anything n I tried 2 bond as usual but no matter how much attention they have it is a massive change 2 everyones routine n they have 2 adapt in their own time along with urself!!!
My older 1 was very good but alot older than Frankie.
U r doin the best thing givin him as much TLC as poss so don't b harsh on urself. It's very early days yet with alot goin on n new faces cumin in n out the hm etc. Give him a bit of time n I'm sure he will be fine.
All the very best. I'm sure ur doin an ace job hun.
mummyand2. xx

Aww hun

don't worry! it will be fine

it's not a surprise you feel awful now - it's just 4 days since vinnie's birth so baby blues has kicked in - when your hormones do a major change, i don't know of anyone who has escaped this!
the good news is you will be feeling much better very soon

i would suggest not telling frankie off but just moving him to do something else - dont give any attention for the negative behaviour - otherwise he'll associate being rough and being told off with attention from mummy and daddy. maybe for a few days you hubby can take frankie for a walk or something he really likes while you have a couple of hours focused breastfeeding with vinnie?
praise frankie for EVERYTHING that is good - lots of positive attention. he's a clever boy for everything he does that is positive. if he does something negative, if possible, ignore it and focus his attention on something else. then straight awway praise him for doing that thing so cleverly.
has he a favourite programme or film that he loves? can you put that on while you cuddle them both and bf vinnie?

and forget that you have upset your mum - i'm sure she was the same way 4 days after your birth!

frankie and vinnie will be best friends in no time at all!

sorry hun i have to run

hugs
elizabeth & siri
xxxx