advice needed on a difficult situation

I was at my mums and tots group that I run in our army Barracks this mornin, and I asked a close friend to watch Riley for a wee minute while I popped outside to ask one of our officers a quick question.. OK. SO FAR!!!
after a minute one of the women came running out saying that Riley was covered in blood so i ran in and my friend told me he'd fallen and hit his face.
THEN...... once I had cleaned him up and checked his teeth were all ok.. she said that He had fallen off the chair because she had sat him there on a time out....
She said , AND I QUOTE
" he was havin a mega strop and headbuttin the floor for nothin so I put him on there to calm down"

NOW the chair is quite a high armchair and he cant yet get down very well, and she walked off and left him there! SO I was at this point a bit Pee'd off and cross that she had disciplined him when she hadnt even tried to establish why he was head butting the floor but I was ok! as long as Riley was..

THEN later on today one of the women that go to the group told me that she picked him up by his Bicep area of his arms and SHOUTED at him to " SIT DOWN NOW" as she thrust him down onto the chair... I know Riley can be a tantrum pants at times but for gods sake he is only 17 months old... I think this seems like she was completely over reacting and to be honest.. if he does hav his little Paddy's I tend to ignore him rather than use time out, which at the min I use sparingly and only if he hits someone or breaks something!

I am SO angry with her if she was as rough as i have been told, but dont know if i should mention it to her or just NEVER leave Riley with her again. she has a tendency to completely overreact if confronted.
I almost Cried when I saw him covered in blood from his mouth and It hurts me to think that it could have been avoided! I never use time out as a first resort and I would have tried to figure out why he was upset first rather than thrown him on a chair!

What would you wise ladies do?

nik x x

P.S. I hav considered smackin her but decided against it! lmao!

Nikki B x x

Well i had to make a whole new account just to reply to this Nik, i am absolutely horrified and 100% ready to come over there and batter the scabby bint
for you. She had absolutely NO RIGHT to touch Riley like that, and personally i would let her know that what she did was beyond out of order it was downright abuse!...then i would definitely make sure she was banned from the group or at least that other mums were warned NOT to leave their children any where near her.

I hope you and Riley are both ok now though?

(((((HUGS)))))

Ill be there tomorrow and you can point her out to me...i wont be bringing the bag of kippers though, this calls for something more heavy duty, like a sack of spanners or a wrecking ball (or just my big fat head right in her face...grr)

Loves ya tons
Mrs R (i know it should probably be Mrs D'A-R but it wouldn't let me lol )
Xx xX

Thankyou all, I have spoken with her and she wasnt impressed, but TBH I dont care! she has a wee girl a few months older than riley and if thats how she is disciplined then I feel sorry for her! Riley has been a little treasure today and we had a very exciting homecoming parade for a lot of the boys in our regiment, Sadly not daddy yet tho! but its very soon x x

hugs to you all and thankyou so much for your advice x x
Nik and Riley x x

Omg

i just popped from expecting and just had to reply to your post.
well i think i would have smashed her face on the floor. how irisponsible of her! by the sounds of it she acts like she does because she knows no-one will confront her cos she will kick up a stink. i personally would confront her. im not being funny but what is a crazy woman like her doing around kids if she cant even comfort a 17 month old when he has a stroppy moment. god help her if shes got kids herself. i still cant blv what she did. i would never ever think i had the right to do that to anyone elses child. i wouldnt even react like that to my own. leaving him on a chair which is a bit high unsupervised, she needs a good wake up call if you ask me.

well me personally i would confront her about it cos ifnot she could do it again the second your back is turned or could do it to someone elses child.

hope riley still enjoyed playing with his friends.

tc
sarah 13+3 bump

Omgfg

How stupid is that bloo*y woman? I would have picked up the chair and battered her black and bloody blue with it (but i have a temper :lol

Seriously though, next time you see her, ask her what the F she thought she was doing giving a 17 month old a time out?! Poor thing was upset as his mummy left the room and the sill dingbat done that, OOOOOOOOooooo im so angry on your behalf hun, ban her from your group and i pity her kids (if she has any) if thats the way she thinks its ok to deal with an upset toddler!

Karen, Emily(18months)and William bump (20weeks and 3 days)

Fuming

poor little fella, my son is 17 months old i'd have reacted and thought about it later, reacted as in pumped lots of bad language into her followed by pushing her thru the wall, well out of order, you need to say something now you've had time to think about it and get over the initial shock, this will eat away at you if not, no one i know would think of doing that to someone elses child
glad little man ok
kerry, frankie 17months and vinnie 2 wks xxx

OH MY F*CKING GOD - aorry but who actually would do this?????? i would never tell my friends babies off no way unless she has said "he tends to tantrum if he does just plop him over there and say no" - i tell my sisters boys off but only the way she does n for reason she does or there not learning anything even if i dont agree in the first place. why would she just not pick him up and bring him to you????

this is what i would do next time your at the group - say again can you look after Riley for a min then hesitate and say really loudy "actually no dont worry not after what you did last time....." then kick her!!!

Love Sammie x Mya x Bump 39+4 x

i'm gettiing angry just reading it hun... if that was cadene i'd be typing this from prison awaiting trial for murder lol ........... i think you will end up saying something hun even if you dont want to............. as soon as you see her you wont be able to help yourself...! poor riley and i'm glad jen replied too, just because her replies always make me smile .. hope you're both feeling better now and so sorry you had to go through that........... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx danica and cadene xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh my days!!

Nik I would of gone crazy and slapped her!!!
She def needs telling!!! What a cow! You need to say something to her or she could do it to someone else!
You do not shout at a baby who is crying and clearly upset, it makes the situ worse. How dare she leave him on a high chair unattended! I hope she doesn't have kids! With him being so young, he won't understand if she shouts at him for having a tantrum, like you said, it would of been better to ignore him or to distract him with a toy until you got back. He was probably just making a fuss because you left the room. Poor wee lad.
Personally I don't think they understand "time out" when they are so young. She doesn't have the right to disapline your wee man, specially in a way that you don't agree with.
Get her told hun. She was way over the mark.
If you need an army of sofemmers to come over and sort her out you know where we are hunny!! Grrr this as made me mad!

Hope Rileys face is better now, big hugs to you both!

Kirsti, Daisy (3) and 35+4 yellow bumpy.xx

Omg

god you must be livid!!! how dare she do that??? i'd be angry enough if she did that to her own baby - so irresponsible (can't spell, too tired), but to do it to someone else's baby? she has no right!!
poor wee riley
yelling at a baby who is upset is NOT going to make the situation better - if the baby is quiet it will only be because they are frightened of the person shouting.
does she have kids? (poor things if she does)
i would definiely say something - you can do it without it turning into a shouting match (while i'd be quite content with her being knocked out, i think if you end up shouting you'll just feel bad, which we want to avoid)
you could start by saying someone else expressed concern at the way she handled riley, that the way she held him might have hurt, that he was only upset becaue of mummy leaving the room and that is fine, totally nomal and really not a surprise when there is so much stress around concerning his daddy coming back. if she has kids you can say that you are sure she would be upset if someone else disciplined her children, and that you feel the same way. especially when he is shouted at for not much reason, which would scare him, and ESPECIALLY when he is put in a position he is not safe in. say something along the lines of thank god it waas only a bloody lip and nothing more serious!
perhaps in the future she could just give him a cuddle, or if she feels she is unable to do that, refuse to watch him or ask someone else to help. you would also appreciate if when she is asked to watch riley, or any baby, she does not leave them alone as it isn't safe.

if you really want to let rip - use emotive language like 'angry' - otherwise try and use permissive versions - if you think she will get the message with a gentle talk anyway. otherwise, let rip!!

have to run
hugs
xxx

Hi niks

Well if it were me I would def batter her and serve her with the chips off her shoulder!!!!!!!!

No seriously I would DEF DEF say something. I know it may mean a confrontation but this excuse for a human being definitely overstepped the mark and she need to be told.

Ok no lasting damage done this time but there but for the grace of God hun. Next time the poor child (whether it be Riley or another child) may not be so lucky.

I thank God that you found out what this person was like without anything really bad happening babe. If I were you I would not chose to spend my time around her any more and def not have her at your group. She had absolutely no right to do what she did. What also worried me is why the other person who witnessed this did nothing to stop it or say something. I know its hard but we all need to voice our fears and worries when it comes to poor defenceless children who cannot speak out for themselves.

This is why I do not advocate physical reprimands as every persons idea of what is ok can be so very different.

Lots a love and a great big hug for Riley xxxxx

Omg nikki!

I'm shocked...does this woman have kids? Children don't do things for nothing, like you say. If it's true,that level of violence is unacceptable in any situation.
I think I would be tempted to not be friends anymore, has she even apologised? In what way does she overreact? She sounds like a nightmare friend! But then, I don't know her and you're obviously close friends for a reason and you wouldn't for a second have left Riley with her if you had any doubts. I just feel like I couldn't be friends with someone who had done that to Sam.

What an awful situation, i feel for you. Hope Riley is ok now, poor little thing.

Sorry, not much help but just had to reply as it made me feel angry on your behalf!

Rach x x x

F*ck*n' batter her

oh wait, you've decided against it? Ok

Isn ... strange how someone else is in the wrong and we pussyfoot round about them cos they can't deal with confrontation, like when SIL left Charlie outside a shop in his pram, there we were going 'oh, don't want her to freak out or think we don't trust her' instead of just saying 'don't leave my freakin precious baby outside a shop you f*k*n brainless moronic boot!'

Anyway, back to your issue - oh yeah, say something to her. And how good a friend is she? Can you live without her? I think I would after that treatment. At this age none of my kids would have a clue what a Time Out meant anyway so it would be a bit of a futile punishment.

Tell her she'll get banned from YOUR group if she can't deal with her feelings more effectively and is a danger to the service users children!

What a skank. I hate her.

Jen x

Jen i was..........

............. So hoping you'd reply as you react exactly as I wanted to.

I am just glad that the woman who told me what she'd done waited untill afterwards or I would have feckin killed her!
Riley has the occasional time out but its more as a calming down time than an actual punishment! I ONLY ever use it if he hits me or another child!
I am just gutted for him as the poor little man was cryin cos I had left him, then some Dill brain lobs him on a chair and he falls off and ends up covered in blood..

Needless to say this afternoon involved a choccie bar and a big apple pie lol.

cheers guys x x

Hi

WOW!!!!
I have to say i would of torn her to pieces.

Think the problem with someone else telling you what she did could mean it then causes problems with other mummies, so think the best thing is to never leave him with her again. If she brings it up tell her how annoyed you have been and that your not sure she should have disciplined him like that.

Poor lil fella.....Hope he is ok now!!!

Nat and Megan xx

Thanks guys

I think to be honest he was only creating a fuss as I'd left the room! so maybe a cuddle or distraction would have been a better option.
I think I will be forced to say something to her as It will eat me up otherwise! but i DO know I will never leave her with him again even for a second!
Which is a bit crap as she was supposed to be havin him when I get my hair cut on thurs lol

Nik x x

like mummyand2 i am also a bit of a wuss when it comes to confrontation and will avoid if at all possible, plus with her being a mate it's gonna be hard, but when it comes to your children, if you don't speak out nobody else will & i would definitley need to clear the air.

I hope she apologises or at least checks on how Riley is doing!

If i lived closer i would have had him Thursday for ya!!!

xXx

Hiya hun,
Oh dear! wWot a horrible session u had!!!
Hope he is o.k now. Bet he won't want 2 stay with her again now anyway!!!!
I think she has over reacted as he is still very young 4 that n it wasn't her job 2 punish him. She should have just told u on ur return so u could'v dealt with it! Woteva it was he had actually done wrong!
I would probably just keep an eye on her at sessions n only say sumert if she says or does anything again( this bein that I hate confrontation n am a bit of a wuss!!!!
She shud'v apologised 4 puttin him on the chair as in respect it was her fault he fell n hurt himself?!! I would have been upset if a child in my care had done that!!! Silly moo!!!
All the best hun. mummyand2. xx

Omg!

I think she was well out of order to be honest.

It doesn't matter how old Riley is hun, he is your child, who from what you say you left with a close friend for a few minutes......in my opinion she had no right to do that whatsoever!!!!!

How on earth would she have reacted if Riley hit out at another child or attempted to bite?! If she reacts like that when he's having a paddy?!.....doesn't bare thinking about!

If you had left him with me and he started having a mega strop & headbutting the floor, i would have firstly made sure he wasn't in danger of hurting his head, then i would have tried to calm him down by talking to him & trying to take get his attention by some fantastic toy over in the corner ( as an example, you know what i'm getting out! ) It's not like you were gone long......I think she was well out of order hun!

I'd be feeling so guilty if a child in my care ended up hurt....especially after only a few minutes omg....has she contacted you to see if he's ok? He doesn't have a bruise or anything on his bicep does he?

She shouldn't have even raised her voice to him ( unless he was in immediate danger or something! )
let alone the rest of it!!!!!!

Big hugs to Riley and one for you too because no doubt you're feeling a bit guilty now but if she was a close friend hun then you should have been able to trust her!

P-s

Didn't really answer your question did it? lol!
Sorry I'm just so angry at that!

Well I think I'd have to say something! Check for any slight bruise first around his bicep area!

You don't have to be a b**ch although, you have every right to be - heehee! But if it was me I'd simply say something like " can i have a word, things got a bit hectic with Riley Monday morning so didn't really get a chance to talk to you about it properly, would you mind explaining what happened....and just take it from there...make it known that you didn't really feel the need to discipline him when you had only left him with her for a matter of minutes.....especially on a high chair! "

xXx