can't take it - i'm exhausted....

Hi Ladies and babeies,

Im so tired - since his been born we have rushed him hospital twice to be told were just paranoid - just think everything is wrong with him and that he isnt going to be here long


Im so petrified that he is going to get ill - he breathes proper funny really shallow and pants alot and it scares the living daylights out of me - his motion monitor in the cot constantly goes off - im on constant edge i dread the nights to just lay and watch him and then the days as i cant ever get on the flat is a sh*t hole im just constantly watching him.

Tyson has got really ill so gone to stay at his mums tonight and my mum come to stay here so im not alone...

Im making myself ill with worry as i just constantly think he is going to get taken from me... he really looks like Mya and im finding it so hard...

After this i dont know if i can bare the stress of having another baby ever again...

Love sammie, Mya angel + André (a week tomorrow )

Hey sweetie,

don't have that much to add to what everyone else has said really, hate to hear you sound so down but completely understand why you feel the way you do. On top of everything you must feel about Mya you're also dealing with complete exhaustion, the physical aftermath of giving birth and massive amounts of hormones flying round your body, you'd be superhuman if weren't struggling. I felt much the same after having Kaitlyn, stayed awake when I was so exhausted I could hardly even speak cos I was so scared something bad would happen and that was without anything like what you've been through. The only advice I have really is to stop feeling wrong for going to the hospital, when it gets to the point where you can't stand the worry anymore it's in the interest of both your health to go and get checked out, even if André is fine you're not if you're stressed to that extent and if a trip to the hospital will alleviate that even short term it's their duty to do that for you and keep doing it if that's what it takes. Other than that V was totally right on your other post, one day at a time hun and one day you'll wake up and realise things have got easier without you even noticing. You know we're here to help you through the bad days in the meantime, if we could take just a little of your pain away you know we would. Big hugs hun, thinking of you.

Lotsa love,
Clare xxx

Awww

1st....Congratulations..... Its been so long since Ive been on here, that I didnt expect to see the old faces, but how nice to see that you and Tyson got back together and had a little boy. I think thats just fabulous.

Huge Huge Hugs
Mrs Moo xxxx

Hi sammie

I can't insult you by pretending to know more about loss and bereavement than you do but I'm not surprised by your post at all given what happened to Mya.
After having my m/c's I spent the next pg's almost expecting the same thing to happen, thinking the paranoia would leave after the age that the m/c'd babies were y'no. It didn't, so waiting for 12 weeks to feel some relief, but no, it drags on longer till eventually it almost subsides.
Perhaps this is the sort of thing that's going on for you, basically you're going to be fraught with worry until you feel past the 'danger' stage.
I hope it passes soon and you can really start to enjoy Andre and love the similarities.

Hugs Jen x

Aww hun

i totally understand!
when we were at the hospital siri's breathing monitors did keep going off every now and again (she did stop breathing when i was holding her when she was 3 days old, luckily we were already in intensive care so right place for it) and even when we were in the family room and when they said we could come home i was constantly terrified that she would stop again and i wouldn't know what to do.
i ended up watching her constantly - especially considering i was sure her breathing wasn't as noisy and all the wierd strangly sounds she was making weren't the same as at the hospital - they probably were, but they were drowned out by the noise of the baby ward.
i watched her constantly, had my hand on her tummy, i was so tired i just had tears running from my eyes as i fed her and watched her, too exhausted to cry properly, yet too worried to relax enough to allow myself to sleep - the only time i would sleep was when i knew she was being held by anders - when i knew that someone else was monitoring her constantly. but... it is amazing how much a baby can take and then spring back from. i know that angel mya had too much, and she will forever be in all our hearts, but from the point of view of someone who's baby was early and very, very sick, and did stop breathing and sounded rattly and strange and was often so still - they are very strong little ones, much stronger than most of us think - and they have alot to deal with in their first few weeks, but they can do it and they do.

if you think of the way you breathe - there are ups and downs and pauses and long breathes and shallow and deep and all sorts - babies are breathing the same way and they don't need as much oxygen as us either, so it sometimes seems like forever before they take the next breath. it just takes a little while for their lungs and airways to clear and to be soundless. and of course when they are you wish they were making some sort of noise.

in the early weeks i was happiest when siri was in the baby wrap against me - she could sleep comfortably there and i could relax as i could feel her every move and wriggle and know that she was fine. i loved the hammock because i could see the hammock moving with her slight moves.

i was so scared, and yet it must be nothing compared to your feelings, hun. just please remember that babies are, in general, very strong little creatures - when you doubt that look around you and think that every person on this planet was once a tiny baby with rattly breathing and a squished face. as a species, we are fighters and very strong.

and as to the hospital telling you you were paranoid..... that's just mean and unhelpful! we also ended up back at the hospital a few times with siri - they always took tests and checked her over and reassured us. it makes such a difference when you know you have support there. though i am sure that andre will continue to be very healthy and thrive!

have you got someone you can ask to tidy the place for you? if not, then just ignore it! it can wait.

are you eating properly, hun? at least try and get some scrambled eggs and orange juice if nothing else. and are you taking iron? might be an idea?

if you need to feel free to pm me if i can help at all.

(((((hugs)))))
eliabeth & siri (9 months!)
xxxx

All the best

Oh hun,
I really wish u the best.
U r doin a fab job n need 2 stop givin urself a hard time. Ur bound 2 be having mixed emotions after the birth of ur baby and ur emotions r still raw from ur tragedy.
I so feel 4 u and wish u every success. Keep at it, Im sure all will be ok. I was very over protective and paranoid when we 1st got out the hosp with both my babies. It will get easier hun,
Take care n enjoy ur newborn.
Best wishes, mummyand2. xx

Awww hun

Hey chick, I can't really say anything other than what the girls have already said.

It is true every new mum panics over every slight thing and obviously you are going to be more aware because of Mya. I worry over every little thing, I'm not quite as bad as I was with Rhys but I still check him every night to see if he is still breathing, especially when he is ill because his asthma plays up really bad.

It's still early days hun so once Andre has a routine and you learn to relax a little in time you can get on with your 'normal' days. Who cares if your flat is a mess as long as you, Tyson and little Andre are happy. It's good that your mum is helping you though.

Sorry I can't be more help but I hope you feel a better soon, you most likely have the baby blues so that won't be helping you hun.

Love Toni, Rhys (17 months) and Lily (8days) x x x

Hi sammie

Just wanted to say that after what you've been through i think your amazing ... what you are doing is probably exactly what we would all do in your situation, if u want to go to the hos for peace of mind then go they can say you are paranoid as much as they like but they have not been through what you have and it is their job, its what they are paid for !!!

As the girls have said the flat can wait i know it can stress you out being a mess but it will get done eventually.

I have a movement monitor as Dylan stopped breathing and so far ( fingers crossed ) it has been great .. helps me to relax a little at night. It is the tommee tippee one from argos for about £60.

Take care hun and we are all here if you need us

Em & Dylan x x x

A million hugs for you xxx

I know nothing I can say will stop your worry but I do hope you are able to relax a bit soon. With Jessica I worried a lot till she got beyond the age at which Harvey (my nephew through marriage) died. It is hard. For you that must be thousand fold. I think you will find it easier as time goes by though. Little Andre will get stronger and stronger and develop his own little personality which will remind you less of Mya.
His breathing could still be due to him clearing out his airways from being inside you.
I am sure the hospital will be totally supportive of you needing reassurance so don't feel embarrased about taking him in.

You are such a strong lady, for you to be here with Andre after what happened takes such courage. You are a star! Don't worry now about if you can forsee wanting or coping with more babies. I am sure once Andre is bigger you will gain in confidence.

Lots of love and hugs to you, Tracey XXXXXX

Oh hun

Didnt want to read and run hunny but I don't blame you for feeling the way you do after what happened to Mya. I am sure that as time goes back you will start to relax more and enjoy Andre. I am sure the hospital gave you the all clear so please don't worry and don't worry about your flat - chores can wait.

Sending lots of love
Natalie & Emily xx

Oh honey

big huge hugs coming your way now... I've not been on for a while so congrats, i'm so happy for you x x x

It's totally understandable that you are worried after what happened. It's not very understanding of the hospital to make you think you're being paranoid. I remember when Sam was born, his breathing really freaked me out, going slow, then fast then deep then shallow. I think that their little lungs are just getting used to breathing air and it's totally normal, I remember my friend saying it about her little girl too.

Nothing is going to happen to Andre (gorgeous name by the way but I have no idea how to get the accent on, I'm not great on computers!), he's got a lovely mum and dad and sister Mya angel who will be looking over him. Just try and take it a bit at a time, you're dealing with nasty hormones and memories of Mya and anyone would find this heartbreakingly hard. I wish i could help but I truly believe it will get easier. Is your midwife nice and approachable? I was just wondering if there were any support networks for bereaved parents that have new babies that she can direct you to cos maybe talking tos someone who has been thru or is going thru the same might help to reassure you a bit.

Take care sweetie and deep breaths, Andre is and will be fine, especially with a lovely mummy like you.

Wish I could be more help, try and get some rest if you can and remember we're all here if you need us

Rach and Sam x x x

Hey hun

Im sorry things are so stressful for you. I completely understand why you are this way tho. I was terrible when Archie was born I think every new mum panicks over every little sneeze, cough etc and with what happened to Angel Mya you must be on tenter hooks all the time. I know its easy for me to say but try and relax hun, he will be fine, Im sure if there was anything to worry about the MW would have said summin. Dont be scared to phone them constantly tho if you need too, even if you think its stupid or you want to put your mind at ease, thats what they are there for. Maybe try and get some sleep if you can whilst your mums there to look after him.
I didnt get one of those movement monitor thingys, I think it would have driven me mad!! Completely understand why you have tho.

Hows things been otherwise tho hun? Is he a good baby? Does he sleep and eat well?
What did you have to go to the hosp for??

Hey, dont even worry about the flat hunnie, you've just had a baby!! It will still be there tomorrow.
I hope Tyson feels better soon. You know where I am if you ever need any help, Im only up the road. I will PM you my number, feel free to phone/text me if you ever need too chat, need help etc xx

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

Lots of Love
Adele+Archie xx

Thanks girls

Thanks for the support i know that with time it will get easier especially when he passes the 6 week mark when Mya died..

Thanks Adele - otherwise still hard with tys being ill and just trying to deal with the hormones and the baby and stress and maintain the flat - im also in a lot of pain round mey back etc and im in such a state that i cant be on my own i just have a panic attack and prob even worse for André..

He is a good baby though he feeds really well - sleep pattern all over the place but thats expected - cant believe its a week already tomororow..

We thought he was lathargic just wouldnt wake up - i think its just coz he was up for a while and us just being paranoid prob tired him out trying to wake him up.. so we went for nothing really..

xxxx

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) ))))

hiya hun,
so sorry to hear you're feeling down although i do understand why......... i cant say for sure but i think i would be exactly the same ... when cadene was first born i didnt sleep for 3 days cause i was just watching her worrying that she wouldnt be there when i woke up and i hadn't even been through what you had... even now i put my hand on her to check she's breathing if she's been asleep for a while...
when i'm really overwhelmed i find it helps to talk to someone (normally my mum ) or at least write things down you cant keep all what you're feeling inside you need an outlet of some sort and you'll feel heaps better.....
i know it's easy to say hun but enjoy every minute with him... dont spend time on what ifs and maybes... just pick him up, give him a big cuddle and tell him that you love him and you'll always be there for him... nothing is certain hun but there is one thing that you can control whether he's on the earth for 100 minutes or 100 years and that is that he is happy and loved and i know you will do that....
you've been so strong and now mya needs you to keep your chin up and look after her little brother... oh and cadene used to breathe like that through her mouth because i think her nose was too small or maybe it was easier... she still pants even now at one year old but when they're that young you always worry about their breathing... you have to sleep though hun because the world always looks better when you've had a bit of kip... even if you set your alarm for two hours and then next time three hours or something you have to look after yourself to be able to look after him esp if you're breastfeeding (not sure if you are?) to be honest with the flat so long as the main bits are clean and you both have clean clothes and food at least for tomorrow then that's fantastic, everything else can wait....
anyway hun not sure if i've helped but i promise you everything gets easier with time and i'll say a little prayer for you all if you dont mind because i really feel for you hun it must be so hard but you are doing so well....
anyway take care sammie and i'm here if you need to chat xxxxxxxxxx danica and cadene xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh hun its really understandable.

I got one of them sensor monitors but megans breathing goes really really shallow when she is sleeping and she doesnt move unless she is awake and it was constantly going off, so i got rid. I know our situations are completely different but if i havent seen Megan wake up slightly when hubby takes her to bed I have to go in and put my hand on her chest.

Maybe have a word with your midwife and hv, they may be able to give you answers and tips about his breathing, it could just be he is learning and its different to what you already knew with mya. Maybe talk to your mum about it to tonight so she knows you need that extra support when she is with you.

Hope Tyson gets better soon, sorry cant be of much help but I didnt want to read and run.

I reckon Mya is sooo sooo proud of you and has every right to be and im sure she looks down on the 3 of you every night to say good night and look after you all, things will get a little easier in time.

Nat and Megan xxxx