My birth story.

Just want to let you know that this a rather long post and for anyone who has any fears of labour or delivery this isnt a positive birth story. For those of you that manage to get to the end then thank you for taking the time to read.

As some of you will know I had been getting pains on and off for a couple of weeks and my waters started to leak on the 2nd October. Went to hospital later on that day and was told that as I was only 34 weeks they were reluctant to induce me as baby was far too small, so they scanned me and discovered I still had two thirds of my water left so they decided to monitor me to see how things went.

On Monday 5th October I started to lose a lot more water so I was admitted overnight so they could do a trace on babys heart rate overnight to see how she was coping with the reduced water. Baby was doing fine so they took some swabs from me the following morning and sent me home.

On Wednesday 8th October I woke up at 3am and my waters had totally gone and baby had stopped moving so I rung my father in law to come and watch my children and went through to hospital again. At the hospital I was scanned to see if baby had changed position as she had been breech since 23 weeks and she was still breech. The midwife called the consultant down and it was agreed that I would try to deliver vaginally as I was a good candidate for a vaginal delivery as I had delivered a full term baby previously and as this baby was small they didnt expect I would have any problems.

The midwife examined me and hooked me up to the monitors and I was 3cms dilated but I wasnt contracting. The midwife said that they would leave me 24 hours to see if I would start contacting on my own as 50% of people go into spontaneous labour when their waters have broken and she thought this would be better than being induced as it would be less stressful for baby.

Well the 24 hours passed and I still wasnt contracting so I was put on a drip to induce contractions at 12.15pm. Straight away I started getting fairly strong contractions and this carried on for a couple of hours. At 2.30pm the midwife noticed that babys heart rate and mine werent within what is considered normal so she got a senior registrar to see me and he did an urgent CTG on me as my heart rate was far too fast. I also had a temperature and because babys heart rate was also really fast, over 200 beats per minute, they decided there and then that I needed an emergency c-section.

Within seconds I was being wheeled down to theatre and being given a spinal injection to numb me from the chest down and less than 10 minutes later my daughter was born at 15.08.

When the surgeon said my daughter was out the midwife immediately took my daughter over to the other side of the room, I asked if they would show her to me and they said they just needed to check her over first. So im laid on the operating table unable to do anything with my husband holding my hand trying to see what the midwifes were doing when we heard one of them say that they couldnt get my daughter to take a breath. The other midwife was then on the phone to the doctors shouting that someone needed to come to theatre now. By this point I was hysterical and ive never felt so useless in my whole life. It took them nearly two minutes before they could get my daughter to breathe and as soon as they had done they took her straight up to the neonatal intensive care unit. At this point I hadnt even seen my daughter and I was so scared not knowing whether she was ok or not.

After the surgeon had finished sorting me out I was taken back to the ward and was told that once the anaesthetic had worn off and I was able to stand then someone would take me up to NICU in a wheelchair to see my daughter.

It seemed to take hours and hours before I could feel my legs and after 4 hours I was finally allowed up to NICU to see my precious baby girl. She looked so tiny and helpless in the incubator. She weighed 5lb 4oz which was a fairly good weight considering she was born at 35+1 weeks but she was having problems breathing and was grunting so the NICU nurses wanted to keep and eye on her.

Over the next few days she developed jaundiced which made her really sleepy so she wouldnt feed and her weight dropped to 4lb 4oz so she had to undergo phototherapy to treat the jaundice and had a tube put up her nose and into her tummy to feed her and a drip put up to give her extra fluids and antibiotics.

At the moment she is still in hospital and having alternate tube and cup feeds and her weight is now up to 4lb 8oz. At the moment we still dont know when she will be allowed home but at least she is making some progress so we are hoping it will be sooner rather than later.

All in all the whole labour and delivery was a horrendous experience and I feel so guilty for my daughters start in life. I had planned a home birth for my daughter and instead I couldnt even carry her full term, or give birth to her naturally and now I cant even feed her. The rational part of me knows that at least she is going to be ok but I cant help feeling that ive already failed her.

My daughter is called Jessica Charlotte Wilson and is the most beautiful baby ever with a full head of dark hair. I have put some pictures up on here for anyone who wants to see them.

Katie and 16 day old Jessica.

Hi katie!

I am sorry to hear that you had such a hard time and that little Jessica is still in hospital. I hope she makes enough progress to come home very very soon.

xxxxxxxxxx

Hey

Hey

Im so sorry you feel like that, cant really say anything to make it feel better for you.
I know the feeling of guilt of having a baby naturally, i didnt progress past 3cm, and had quite a bad time with the hospital, and was gutted to have to have a c section.

The way you have to look at it is, it was obv safer and there was a reason Jessica wanted to come so soon.

I hope you get her home soon, I had planned a longer reply than this, but lil madam is awake.

Keep us updated on how she is getting on.

Nat and Megan xxx

Hi hun

i'm afraid i dn't have time to write a long response, but here goes...

i know what you mean with the guilt - siri was born at 35+5, my waters broke and 25 hours later she was born. she didn't get the food she needed from me (i had stuff left in my womb that meant my milk didn't start to come in and she wasn't getting what she needed, so she got more weak and worse). after 2 days (i think) they started trying to give her some formula - via a tube hat went in her mouth by my nipple - so she started getting something. but they weren't happy and the doc reassessed her and decided to start her on phototherapy. then within ten mins of her being on that they decided to get her down to intensive care. which was lucky, as a bit later that afternoon, when i was allowed to hold her, she stopped breathing. which was the most terrifying thing i have ever felt/seen/heard. i still hate the sound of those damn monitor alarms. luckily as we were already in intensive care i had a consultant doc and 3 nurses right net to me. so they sorted her out very quickly. then got her into the room over the corridor where she had every test possible,- i sill need to do some more therapy on that - she had some very painful tests done. i ouldn't help her more than be there allowing them to do what was needed to keep her alive and get her better. she was on a machine to help her with her breathing. she was there, with blue light above and below, so many tubes and wires and still more needles and tests. she couldn't even cope with the food she had in her tummy - they had to remove it.
anyway - you know the picture. after a few days - i cant remember how many! total blur. she was deemed stable enough to move back into the other room. they diagnosed severe jaundice and she was generally weak. as you know they don't have the reserves full term babies do.
so then she was in the other room, still hooked up to the monitors, but off the oygen and one to one/high risk room. thank god. then after a week i had an op to clear me out and after that all the pumping i was doing started making a difference and i started producing milk. i actually don't know how much weight she lost. she started a very good weight at 6lbs 6, which they were all amazed at, but then she lost ALOT of weight. she was teeny.
so... then after just over a week (with us staying in the patient hotel - because of a severe hip/pelvic problem hubby was able to stay with us as i was in a wheelchair - the hotel was only a 7min dash away from siri, but i felt physical pain every time we had to go that far away from her) so yeah, then we were given a family room on the ward where siri was able to stay with us. finally! where i was still feeding her (tried feeding her but she always fell asleep she was so weak, but we needed to try every 3 hours anyway, we weighed her before and after each feed and she got the balance of her meal - which to start with was all of it - via a tube in her nose) so i was feeding her and pumping every 3 hours. after 2 weeks she was finally deemed as getting enough from me (between 35 and 45mls every 3 hours) to go home!! yay!! amazing, and oh so scary!!!
then we were home and i think we ended up bak at the ward 3 or 4 times with things that worried us- but after tests and her doc checking her they reassured us she was fine
her jaundice got better and better - as she was strong enough to take on the food she needed to bind to the bilirubin so it could be removed from her body. finally she had gone from being yellow almost down to her toes, to just her nose being a bit yellow. such a difference!
and now, she is 9.5 months old - totally healthy. not as tall as most 9.5month old babies, but tall enough for her due date age. weight wise she is doing very well indeed lol, she is at the top of the charts for her birth age! she is perfect!
i won't lie, it can be a long road and at the time it is scary and worrying and you jump at every noise and don't want to sleep because you want to watch her all the time. you feel guilty for leaving her in the ward, for not being able to hold her, for not being able to feed her, for not having her in you for long enough, for the slight sense of relief that someone else is looking after her becaue it is too scary to contemplate that there might be a problem when you are holding her, so much to feel guilty for... and at the same time - that is just us, there is no real reason to feel guilty hun. i have started alot of therapy to sort that out and i feel alot better now than i used to! though for months of course i didn' realise i felt guilty as i was so busy looking after siri.

her birth wasn't as scary as far as she was fine and i only got a slight sense of urgency when my hubby said to me 'she really needs to come out now' - but my tailbone did break during the labour and i was in absolute agony from that and my pelvis. but the feelings of her coming out were just amazing. i was lucky in that the surges did start at 2am - 19 hours after my waters had broken. she was born by 8.15 (i need to check the times!!) so while not as traumatic as your birth, it was in some ways because of the pain. i was 8/9cm by the time i got to the delivery ward so too late for an epidural so it was just gas and air. anyhow - you do get pver the phsyical trauma too.

i know this has turned out to be a long response - and it's not all happy-at-the-time but, it has all turned out perfectly. siri is a very healthy, very happy, secure, confident little girl who loves life. and your little beauty will soon be in the same way!

i wil suggest that you get a wrap - ous is a sleepywrap - i carried siri in that for hours and hours every day as soon as she was able to. after all, she was still meant to be in my tummy! even now i carry her in it when we are going shopping or for walks. i think that has contributed a great deal to her being so secure and happy.

it will all get better and it will fade into the past. though i will suggest you check out www.emofree.com and lean acupressure tapping to help you deal with the emotional trauma. it helps a great deal.

oh and i had also planned a water birth (couldn't have because of my hips/pelvis and her being so early), totally chilled, just warmth and comfort and only being touched by hubby and i for the first while - and certainly nothing painful! but she appeared hearing me screaming in pain from my damn tailbone and hips and there was nothing chilled. but she is fine, and if there are any issues in the future from it i know the therapies that will help

i have to go now hun, but feel free to pm me anytime. i'm on fb - you can see the pics of siri and her in the hospital then and how she is now.

lots of love hun
you will all be fine!
((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))) )))))))))))))))
elizabeth & siri
(can't type kisses as my keyboard is broken!)

Hey hun

First of all congratulations, I think you have done an amazing job and don't feel guilty because it's not your fault.

You haven't failed her and you never will, she doesn't know any different hun. I felt guilty after my son was born because he was a little early and was born with the cord x2 round his neck couldn't breathe either, luckily he was only in NICU 2 days but the feelings were still there, so I don't know 100% how you are feeling but no matter what you are doing your best and thats all that matters.

Take care hun
Love Toni, Rhys and Lily x x x

Awww

poor wee Jessica still stuck in hosp. I guess she doesn't know any different though. It's you who will be fretting for her to get better and come home.

Well done coping with all that, hope your baby gets home to you all soon.

Jen x

Congratulations

Welcome to the world Jessica xx
Dont blame yourself, this things happen and it was all completely out of your control. The main thing is shes healthy now and doing well. Wont be long before shes home with you hun

Take Care
Adele xx