Please help

what a mess im in,i am married with 3 boys 13,10 and 7 ,i also had a beautiful daughter Katie who died in Feb this year aged 2,my husband and i have really struggled to get through it but sort of got there in the end,that was until i came home from work and caught him with the babysitter,obviously i kicked him out we talked about it and i sort of understood why he had done it but we agreed it was still wrong,he has been a mess since Katie went and was drinking a lot when i caught them he didnt even know i was in the room,i forgave him anyway,more fool me eh as he has now just left me and gone to spain to live with his dad the thing is he has gone knowing im 9 weeks pregnant,he made out he was dead happy arranged to go to his dads for a few days but now hes not coming back,it wasnt a great relationship really he regularly got drunk and took it out on me and has been arrested for it but ive always forgave him.he smashes up the house a lot and is horrible to the boys not physically just speaks to them like they are a piece of poo,thats putting it mildly,i am having all sorts of complications with the pregnancy with bleeding and pain but hes not interested at all,all my friends and family have been saying i should have left him years ago but its hard i know deep down i should but i cant what should i do

He's done you a favour

You need to try and look at this from the outside. Your heart is ruling your head, its understandable, that fairytale dream of the waltons has hit a horrible patch.But from teh outside him going to Spain might be a good thing practically (even if your heart is telling you different- hearts don't have to keep a family together in the real world)
He will have time to think..men need this..away-time (selfish but that's men) You have a huge stress-making part of your life

..away for now..
not dissapeared,
not dead,
not off with another woman...
he is with someone in his family who can give him the space to sort-out his grief.Something he couldn't do around your family (easy booze, kids, pregnant wife & sad sad memories) so where does that leave you?

Lets look at more positives;
He knows he has a problem and is dealing with it
He knows staying was only hurting you and the kids and he has dealt with that.
He hasn't made you throw him out again
He hasn't left forever, he is giving you both a break (he wasn't able to help you he was making things worse)

You have the house - he didn't lock you and the kids out, or sell it from underneath you and run off with the money

You have your kids who are now happier because their dad isn't being horrible to them (in grief but they won't understand ..they need to know he still loves them...v important)
You have good friends, they obviously love and want to protect you.
You have a big heart and amazing strength.
You are still grieving, you need to do the right thing and get some help, you need to do this for your kids too as this has now split your family for a while adn they need to understand it wasn't their fault.
This will also help you all to get ready for the new baby...there are some really good people who are sitting, just waiting for your call.
This isn't a failing, this is a positive sensible right move for you and your family.Do you have a mum or sisters who can help you though this bumpy time?
Your GP needs to know quickly and from there I think you will be amazed at how many people will want to help...let them ..dealing with this all on your own isn't fair to your head..which is fighting with your heart..and if you crack-up where will they all be then?
Your head needs some support...your heart will understand in time.
Huge encouraging hugs
H

I'm so sorry..

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand as my best friend went through this with her husband last year. I know it may be hard to leave him but you cant let him treat you and your children with no respect. You have to stand up for yourself. Do you have any family members or friends you can talk to? If not then I'm sure your GP will listen.

It wont be easy but you will get through this. As hard as it sounds you need to move on with your life and take control. Hope this helps.
xxx