Hi

Well I am not adopted but work in this area. Perhaps your natural family simply have different memories as it was so long ago, they could be lying to you as they feel really guilty or they could be confused as you remember the game of Chinese whispers as a child stories told from one person to another change. You will be able to find EXACTLY what happened by simply asking to see your file at whichever Agency handled your adoption. You will know exactly what happened, you can then, if you choose let your natural father know what the procedure was as he may have got the information wrong or as I say distorted memories with time. He may find it more comforting to remember a story that puts him in a better light.I personally think its an act of absolute love to give a child up for adoption rather than give the child an awful life for selfish reasons. There is far more to parenting than the act of giving birth (or providing the sperm for that matter!!). With regard to your pregnancy CONGRATULATIONS!! I would simply tell your adoptive family with your boyfriend and if there are any problems you can present yourself to the local housing department who will be duty bound to find you temporary accommodation and then once they have done their investigation into the reasons why you are homeless they will then find you somewhere to live. You can get Income Support and housing benefit etc as well as a grant for baby things and furniture when you get your house. Go to Connections and they will help point you in all the right directions!!

Good luck

Heather

Hi,
I am 17 I was adopted when i was 7months old with my brother.My adoptive parents knew my real mum.And my adoptive parents have always told me that im adopted.
I got picked on in school because i was adopted but my adoptive mum told me to tell them that i was chosen so im special.
I had never been in contact with my real family but my adoptive mum and adoptive dad said if i ever wanted to then i could.
About 3months ago my sister and other brother contacted me through the web,
i was quite excited about it and we have been speaking ever since.
I decided to join genes reunited and found my family tree and my real dads sisters husband sent me a message.
Anyway to cut it short..he told me that none of them knew that i was going to be adopted because my mum and dad split up...But my adoptive mum told me that they did...anyway he was telling me alot of lies about what happend when i was adopted.
He told me that i was put in a childrens home when i was 2days old but my adoptive mum told me different.
Anyway since all this i have been told i need to see a counceller about it because ive been feeling very depressed and stuff since they got in contact.
I have asked my dads brother in law why they didnt try to find me or my brothers or sisters but he dodged the question.I want to know why he is lieing to me and why he wont answer my questions.
He has asked me to go and meet them but i dont know as it has really depressed me and im scared of being rejected by them again.

I have been brought up in a loving family but for some reason i have never felt like part of the family,i have always felt like and outsider :S
I feel like i get looked down on and no-one supports me.For example i decided i wanted to go to college and study hairdressing and everyone was saying ooh you wont do it you will quit etc etc.
I am always having arguments with my adoptive family.


My head is really confused and i dont know what to do.I have had many suicidal thoughts and have slit my wrists on many occasions.
I have a very loving boyfriend that i have been with for nearly 2 years and he understands me and listens to me.
I am 9weeks pregnant and me and my boyfriend are very happy but i have not told anyone as my adoptive family have told me in the past that they would disown me and would chuck me out of the house.

I really need some advice!! are there any other adopted people out there with the same type of problems??
please help
xx

Hi

Well I am not adopted but work in this area. Perhaps your natural family simply have different memories as it was so long ago, they could be lying to you as they feel really guilty or they could be confused as you remember the game of Chinese whispers as a child stories told from one person to another change. You will be able to find EXACTLY what happened by simply asking to see your file at whichever Agency handled your adoption. You will know exactly what happened, you can then, if you choose let your natural father know what the procedure was as he may have got the information wrong or as I say distorted memories with time. He may find it more comforting to remember a story that puts him in a better light.I personally think its an act of absolute love to give a child up for adoption rather than give the child an awful life for selfish reasons. There is far more to parenting than the act of giving birth (or providing the sperm for that matter!!). With regard to your pregnancy CONGRATULATIONS!! I would simply tell your adoptive family with your boyfriend and if there are any problems you can present yourself to the local housing department who will be duty bound to find you temporary accommodation and then once they have done their investigation into the reasons why you are homeless they will then find you somewhere to live. You can get Income Support and housing benefit etc as well as a grant for baby things and furniture when you get your house. Go to Connections and they will help point you in all the right directions!!

Good luck

Heather