Adoption stories

Inspired by Finette's story below, has anyone got any adoption stories they'd like to share?

It can be such a difficult process, it helps to hear about the good side!

Birth mother in denial

I had a bit of a shock yesterday after over 10 years of searching for my birth mother I actually spoke to her and my half sister. It wasnt the happy event I had imagined it might be.

I spoke with my half sister first (My mother had her 6 years after me and used the same birth name - Sarah). She seemed lovely - a little bit shocked but open and understanding. She phoned my birth mother and within about 20 minutes I answered the phone and it was her!

She was very cold and asked what I thought I was doing upsetting her family. I said that I totally understood and that I really had no intention of hurting anybody - She said that although all the information I had related to her exactly, and I mean everything matched, she had been the victim of an identity theft. My biological father must have got someone else pregnant and then used her details!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At the end of the conversation she said that I should move on and leave the passed where it belongs. And then as a parting shot she said 'Your birth father lives in Newquay'!!! Talk about contradicting herself.

I pointed out that at the time of the adoption she would have had to verify her identity - you cannot just hand over a baby without proving it is yours to hand over and she just reiterated that I had made a mistake.

I do not know what I was expecting - but the coldness really shocked me. I would rather she had said 'Yes, I am your birth mother, but I want nothing to do with you' rather than a ... and bull story of identity theft.

One of the reasons she had for the adoption is that she and my birthfather had had a little boy before my conception and he had sadly died. After talking to my putative half sister she says that was not the case. My grandmother had in fact adopted him officially. So I now know that I have a full blood brother living somewhere in the UK. This is so exciting - but until my birthmother can accept that I am her daughter I do not feel I can contact my brother.

My half sister says that while she cannot understand why someone would steal her mothers identity and that all the information I have points directly at the mother - she ultimately has to believe her mother and therefore I should have no further contact.

I am devastated. There is a real pain in my heart. I always thought that if I ever traced my mother she may not want to meet etc, but I never imagined that she would do me the great honour of saying that the only information I have about myself is all a pack of lies. I had hoped she would be able to acknowledge me and show just a little compassion.

There will always be this empty, sad and dead piece of me and I now know that the woman I had thought about doesnt even care enough to tell me the truth. She was so very cold and hard that I wonder how I can be her daughter - because I could never hurt anyone that much if I tried. My husband says that she has to live with all this guilt and that is her cross to bear. Yesterday she could have let me down gently and maybe got rid of some of the demons that she perhaps has carried with her.

I am sorry I am rambling - but I am so hurt. Maybe ther is someone out there who will understand how I feel. On TV shows you only ever see the happy reunions - you rarely see the heartache that adoption can cause.

I must say that my parents (that is what they are) have been amazing and have supported me. I dont feel able to tell them just how devastated I feel right now - After speaking to my birth mum I realise that I must be just like my adoptive mum and that nurture definitely is stronger than nature.

Tracing your biological mother

Hi,
I really felt for you after reading your heart breaking experience. I was also adopted as a baby (6months) in 1964 and I managed to trace my biological family in 1986... My grandmother, older half-sister, two aunts and extended family all welcomed me as part of their family and I couldn't have wished for a better reception.
My biological mother was married to another man at that time with four other children, I made contact with her via her mother but she said she was in a domestic violent relationship and as a consequence could not have any contact with me, which I accepted. Although, for the past six years, since she divorced her abusive husband and made a life for herself she made it clear to me that she wanted to meet up with me, but time and time again she's always found some excuse not to do so and it's only within the last three years that I've realised that she has no intention of ever doing so.
I'd always believed that I never felt any grudge towards her whatsoever, but I've now had to come to terms with the fact that my 'natural' mother is a self-obssessed narcissist with no concerns other than her own.
I have managed to trace my eldest half-brother who I 'phoned some time ago but was greeted with a foul mouthed tirade which left me feeling as if I'd been physically assaulted and I'm still dealing with the after effects...
You are spot-on when you say that nurture is so much stronger than nature, it's only now that I thank God that I was adopted by the people whom I consider to be my true parents.

Hello

Hello,
after reading your story i had to contact you. It has really shocked me how your biological mother has treated you. I am also adopted and i have an adopted sister (from a different biological family) and i can tell you a brief description of both of our stories. While both my biological parents have spoken to me my sisters mother has reacted in a very similar manor to yours, almost blaming my sister and refusing to meet her or tell her who her biological father is (or her siblings) which in my mind is outragous. In my case i thought meeting my biological family would "make everything ok" if you catch my drift i thought everything would fall into place etc i can assure you it hasnt had that affect at all. I feel no different, infact sometimes i feel worse because i feel as if something should of changed and hasnt.

I really feel for your half sister in this as well as she must be feeling so torn. I guess she has loyalty to her mother but there must be doubt in her mind. You are right in what you say i am sure you cannot give a child up for adopition without the relevent id also she must have signed your birth certificate etc

I really couldnt tell you where you should go from here as i really wouldnt know. But i did want you to know you are definatly not alone. Also all the happy reunions you see on television have be pre-meditated to work out well and for the majority of cases this is not how it works.

I hope you do find some kind of resolve and can be happy. Your adoptive family are your family and if this other woman (your bialogical mother) cant except you then it is truly her loss.

kind regards

Jo

Hay

hi my name is Tracy i was adopted at the age of 4 i am now nearly 21 i have a son of 17 months now and i have had a great life since i was adopted i dont feel the same as every body eles but i get on and im happy i love it wen i hear that young childrn get a new go a life like i got and my 2 wee sisters we got a home together whitch my mum and dad found hard but got on i thank them for giving us another chance at life and i would give them mine if they needed it dont hesitate to adopt even if you have kids of your own because the children that dont have someone to call mum and dad need it and this is from my own experence of being adopted and being a mum please wb thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hiya tracy

I am 28 and was adopted at the age of 3months old my natural mother did the best thing for me as she was an alcholic and couldnt raise me on her own as my father was in prison for petty offenses.I have had a wonderful adoption and love my family very much but like you say you always feel different.When i was 18 i went back to make contact with my natural mother only to find she had died when i was 6 because she drank too much one night and never woke up again. I have remained heartbroken as i never got to say thankyou to her for giving me a second chance at life and providing me with a very happy future i will always hold sadness that i never had the chance to meet her to show her how i turned out.I think if i was ever to have children that it would maybe soften the sadness as i could put my energy into being a devoted parent as it is a huge responsibility.Adoption is a taboo subject which doesnt come up enough and there isnt enough awareness around how positive it is as i know if i hadnt been adopted that life would have been a lot harder for me growing up i am so blessed with the wonderful choices that were made for me and the person i have grown up to be because of the help and support around me.I think adopted people always feel a void at times even if they have a fab life theres always a sense of loss and loneiness that is hard to put into words but is present in adopted people.loss in the sense of identity and loneiness in the sense of being given up.I think the adoption process should be made simpler in order to prevent children growing up in care and being sent to various foster homes as that is more unsettling and leads to all sorts of emotional complications later on in life im sure.I made a documentry about my experience and it is used to help other people who want to adopt or who are adopted and trace there bio family.My aim is to use my exprience to help others.katx

Adopting

HI~
MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED 8 YEARS BEFORE HAVING OUR FIRST
SON.YEARS OF INFERTAILTY. THEN WE HAD A SECOND SON. WELL, YEARS
DOWN THE ROAD WHEN OUR YOUNGEST WAS 9,WE GOT A CALL FROM A
RELATIVE OF HIS.SHE WANTED TO GIVE HER UNBORN CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION. I TOLD HER WE WERE NOT THE FAMILY. OUR BOYS WERE 12 AND 9 AND WE WERE OUT OF THE BABY STAGE. SO I TOLD MY HUSBAND
WHEN HE GOT HOME AND HE SAID LORD NO. OUR CHILDREN ARE OLD ENOUGH THAT WE DONT HAVE TO BE WITH THEM EVER SECOND.(BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE I ALWAYS WANTED A DAUGHTER) WELL 4 DAYS LATER MY
HUSBAND WOKE UP AND SAID, WE ARE SUPOSE TO ADOPTED THIS BABY.
I THOUGHT WHERE DID THAT COME FROM. WE "OUR WHOLE FAMILY"
started taking her to her dr. appt. and my husband AND I WERE
IN THE DELIVERY ROOM,HE CUT THE CORD,HELD HER FIRST,AND I PROUDLY WALKED HER TO THE NURSERY.WE GAVE HER,HER FIRST BATH.
AND TOOK OUR 4LB. 1OZ. BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL HOME. SHE IS AMAZING. SHE IS 16 MONTHS OLD, SHE KEEPS US LAUGHING ALL THE TIME. SHES A DADDYS GIRL,THEN THE BOYS,GIRL. I GET THE LEFT OVERS.THATS OK, I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I WONDER HOW I GO ABOUT TELLING HER THOUGH.AND WHEN IS THE BEST TIME? ANY SUGGESTIONS???????????
THANKS,
TAMMY

Adoption

I THINK YOU SHOULD ADOPT BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T AND YOU GET PREGNANT YOU WILL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT PAIN AND MEDICATION THAT COULD KILL YOU!

I don't get it...

Is your friend trying to adopt her neice, ie her sister's daughter?

It is a hard process.

Adoption is hard

my friend is trying to adopt a little girl and her sister has her and then her sister ripped up the papers so that way she can keep her. My friend has tried getting her back for a couple of years .But shes holding up.