Hello, all. I was reading the posts on here and I have to say, I'm not sure what triggers one to want to adopt versus having their own. I wish I knew because I am apparently lacking something (at least in other people's eyes). I have no desire to have my own children, and at times, I have felt very pressured by friends and relatives to have my own. It's gotten to the point where I have started to wonder if there is something wrong with me, as if I am to have this natural desire to reproduce, and it's lacking in me. However, I have always wanted to adopt, and I love children. Currently I have decided to start the adoption process and adopt a foster child (hopefully within the next 2-3 years, after I am finished with school). I am married with no children, and although my husband has expressed he would like to have a biological child (which sometimes makes me feel guilty--it's not him doing it, though, it's me), he is fine with my desire to adopt and has encouraged me to start the process. He has emphasized he would still like me to consider having our own, but regardless, I'm still not interested. Although he has told me if I decide not to have our own it's my decision since I have to carry the child, he seems to think it's odd that I don't want to have my own. However, this hasn't lead to any fights or arguments, I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea. He has been supportive of both of my decisions here and is simply expressing his opinion. My hope is that once I adopt a child, either both of our maternal needs will be filled, or it may lead me to want to have my own. There is no predicting the future, and I'm not sure if either of these things will happen.

Anyway, I was glad to see on this board there were others who shared my opinions. I am not interested in being pregnant, I am not interested in having my own child. I have nieces and my husband has nephews and our genes are already out there in another generation, and anyway, having a child is about so much more than your DNA (I think). But when I think about adopting, I get very excited and interested and want to bring a child into my home. I feel like it will be a very benevolent thing for me to do with my life, and may even want to adopt more later. Can't this also be considered natural and normal? Do people really have to look at me like there is something wrong with me?

There have been several comments from celebrities in the press recently about adoption versus having your own children, ranging from the 'how selfish it is to have your own children when there are thousands of children out there who have no parents' to 'all these celebs who adopt rather than have their own kids to save their figures are ridiculous'.
what do people think here?

Hello, all. I was reading the posts on here and I have to say, I'm not sure what triggers one to want to adopt versus having their own. I wish I knew because I am apparently lacking something (at least in other people's eyes). I have no desire to have my own children, and at times, I have felt very pressured by friends and relatives to have my own. It's gotten to the point where I have started to wonder if there is something wrong with me, as if I am to have this natural desire to reproduce, and it's lacking in me. However, I have always wanted to adopt, and I love children. Currently I have decided to start the adoption process and adopt a foster child (hopefully within the next 2-3 years, after I am finished with school). I am married with no children, and although my husband has expressed he would like to have a biological child (which sometimes makes me feel guilty--it's not him doing it, though, it's me), he is fine with my desire to adopt and has encouraged me to start the process. He has emphasized he would still like me to consider having our own, but regardless, I'm still not interested. Although he has told me if I decide not to have our own it's my decision since I have to carry the child, he seems to think it's odd that I don't want to have my own. However, this hasn't lead to any fights or arguments, I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea. He has been supportive of both of my decisions here and is simply expressing his opinion. My hope is that once I adopt a child, either both of our maternal needs will be filled, or it may lead me to want to have my own. There is no predicting the future, and I'm not sure if either of these things will happen.

Anyway, I was glad to see on this board there were others who shared my opinions. I am not interested in being pregnant, I am not interested in having my own child. I have nieces and my husband has nephews and our genes are already out there in another generation, and anyway, having a child is about so much more than your DNA (I think). But when I think about adopting, I get very excited and interested and want to bring a child into my home. I feel like it will be a very benevolent thing for me to do with my life, and may even want to adopt more later. Can't this also be considered natural and normal? Do people really have to look at me like there is something wrong with me?

Since I was 12 I have thought of babies being dropped at my door, obviously not wanted and not loved and I would give it a beautiful life. Meanwhile other girls were imagining what to name their babies when they grew up. I have never wanted my own. I thought is it self loathing in some way? No, because I love myself and I feel I am a good person. It is heartbreaking to imagine a child with out a home or family in this world. To be dealt that card and be so helpless with something so important-his or her own life! Just not fair and I wish I could make someone's life easier. I don't and financially cannot adopt more than one child and my husband only wanted one biological child but he does not want to adopt. He was a social worker and worked with children who were unloved, abused, abondoned and says he just cannot deal with it emotionally. I tell him it would be difficult but what about a baby and he says no. So all I can do is try and get a job where I can assist in placing children or helping them in other ways. I do pray that one day he will come around but it is a time sensitive situation. I do hope you adopt, I am grateful for people like you in the world.

I want to adopt in the hope of making a child happy and give him/her a chance he/she would never have had in his own country growing up in an orphanage. But it is because I never had this feeling that I had to have my own child and that I had to feel it grow in me to feel related to it as its mother, but most of my friends have this need, and therefore, I can't judge them and call them selfish, it's their call. Would be wrong to adopt if they can't love the child as much as if it was their own (even though my personnal conviction is that it's all in their mind and that they would love the child as soon as they feel it in their arms).
I have to respect their life choice and understand, but I also hope that they will understand my choice if I'm ever able to do it, adoption can be hard for us common people!
Unless I marry Brad Pitt next year, I think it will be hard to convince the adoption agency to give me a child if I can make one myself...

So what is the prob with adopting a children and having your own? I don't understand the issure Angelina adopted and is currently on the way with her own. I think that adoption is a beautiful thing, you are saving the life of a helpless child, you are giving the best gift. There are thousands of children out there we should be doing something. I also understand that having your own is important also...so why can't we do both?
Marlise

i agree
why not?

I think a lot of the celebs who adopt are actually doing it to help the kids, like Angelina Jolie. Admittedly Sharon Stone reportedly adopted so that she wouldn't have to put on weight while pregnant but you never can tell.

that each to their own.

I can understand frustration over the inequalities of this world and there fore adoption makes sense, but there is also a human instinct to reproduce which shouldn'tbe underestimated.